⛈️

Mind once in ruins, not anymore

[chaosmindthoughts]

I was scared to be rejected so I rejected myself first.

[quoteastic]

Trust me, I won't leave. If you're staying, l'm staying.

[ozempicofficial]

[chaosmindthoughts]

Please, don't make me ruin this.

[remanence-of-love]

[nixscriptum]

[nixscriptum]

[chaosmindthoughts]

Trying to claw my way back to some version of mental stability while watching the world rot around me feels like a joke. Like I’m pouring everything I have into healing, just to wake up every day to headlines soaked in cruelty, decay, and apathy. It makes everything feel pointless, it messes with me. Makes me seriously consider dying. Like what’s the fucking point? My thoughts get dark. Real dark. Not because I want to die.

I want to live. I just don’t know how to live in a world that feels like it’s already dead.

[chaosmindthoughts]

my silence was never peace

it was a clenched jaw holding back a thousand reasons to break

it was sleep deprived from me every night

it was laughter rehearsed in the mirror because no one likes the sound of breaking

you called it calm I called it survival.

but you never noticed how my hands kept burying themselves into my thighs just to feel something still mine,

to keep my spine supported to seem stable—presentable

my body told you so

in the tightness of my fists the headaches that didn’t leave the way I fidgeted when I felt your eyes on me when we shared the same space

you didn’t listen, you never noticed

when my skin got goosebumps like a warning when my breath shortened like it wanted to run when you touched me

when you acted like you knew me

when affection was used as manipulation

you mistook my quiet for healing

but I was just trying not to bleed on your white floors

you would've made me clean

I stayed small so you wouldn’t deal with me with my heart with your fault

now, my silence will never be mistaken for consent i told you so —not with words but with the absence of me.

loud enough now?

—(My body) told you so

Source: @chaosmindthoughts

(based on prompt from @nosebleedclub "told you so")

[chaosmindthoughts]

Her love came to me by blood,

but guilt kept it alive

I paid for it in remorse.

Source: @chaosmindthoughts

[lilsinsin]

if your attention is elsewhere it can stay there

[lilsinsin]

if your attention is elsewhere it can stay there

[chaosmindthoughts]

Riding your wave

Wrapped in your calm

In your arms

Warms me inside

[chaosmindthoughts]

I was a kinder person before I fell apart.

[letsbelonelytogetherr]

— The Ladies' Home Journal, September 1948

[chaosmindthoughts]

Riding your wave, wrapped in your calm

In your arms (over my head)

[chaosmindthoughts]

I rolled my eyes and he hugged me.