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brandsilva

May 22, 2022 // Daily Journal

I don’t see me fitting into your life there. It’s where you grew up, where your family is, where your history is. I wanted to forget where I grew up, where my history is. I guess I don’t get it.

I know you need to be there and want to be there. I used to want to be there, I can still see myself there, but I can’t see us there together. And I don’t know if you can either. The life you talk about it is solely yours and your family’s. I want to build my own life, with the person I love, leaving everything behind. It’s selfish and antisocial. That’s always been my plan, what I want.

So can I change my plan? There’s really no other option. Either I go with you or you go by yourself. I’m too insecure in our relationship right now to do distance. I struggle with trusting you while living in the same city as you, how would I ever expect myself to be able to do it with 5 hrs of distance between us. I’m not in the business of making myself go crazy, which is exactly what would happen if we did distance.

So either I go with you or you go by yourself, and we take our last step away from each other for now.

I don’t want to give up our love and our life. The love we have is so pure and true, I never doubt it even with all the bullshit and hurt feelings at times. I’ve never had such a deep love with anyone, I feel safer with you than I ever have with even my family.

I’m tired of the uncertainties of life. I’m tired of making decisions. If anyone wants to give me a donation so I can buy a small farm and garden, that’d be awesome. I’d love to move to nowhere in the northeast, have a couple cows and horses and chickens and roosters, make cheese and grow my own produce, write novels from home for a living. I’d have everything I need right there. I can see you there with me, I don’t think you can see yourself there though.

You’re so big and beautiful. You couldn’t fit all your dreams in a 3 x 3 x 3 cardboard box like I can.

And maybe I just don’t know what my dreams are just yet, but I’m okay with that and I’m okay with not pushing myself to figure it out. You’re ready to go. You’re ready to do something incredible. I don’t want to be the thing that holds you back.

So either I go with you, or you go by yourself and we call it quits.

via Flickr

Her name is Rhonda Grayer

http://blog.blackbusiness.org/2017/05/wt-stevens-construction-black-owned-construction-business-awarded-contract-flint-water-crisis.html?m=1#.WSCP08tlDqA