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@charlene-challenger
Coming back
I’m slowly coming back to blogging after having my first child. Things were tough for a while. The birth was difficult. My baby was hospitalized for six weeks. I had postpatrum depression and what I thought would be a joyful experience left me feeling incredibly sad and isolated. But I worked on getting better, and things ARE better now. And I’m happy about that.
The Myth of a Willing Echo
So I thought I’d continue the “myth” theme for this post and talk about something I rarely discuss: my singing voice, and how I lost it. This post might sound sad at first, but stick with it to the end. If you know me, you know I write fairy tales, and fairy tales almost always have a happy ending. Maybe this one does too.
Now remember, my corner, my rules.
I used to have exceptional singing voice. I’m not exaggerating either; clear as a bell, with a lovely vibrato and just a hint of huskiness. I was a member of my high school choir. During one recital I noticed an audience member staring at me with her mouth open while I sang. When the recital was over she approached me and said, “You have a beautiful voice.” She couldn’t believe I hadn’t taken singing lessons. And that wasn’t the first time I’d ever been complemented on my voice either; I heard the same thing from classmates and teachers too. I was proud of my voice, and I particularly loved singing songs from musicals and Disney movies.
Then I went to theatre school. I’d somehow gotten the idea of becoming an actor in my head, but I didn’t feel I fit in with the majority of my classmates. I lived out of town for the first two years, so I couldn’t hang around when they wanted to go out for drinks. I was incredibly insecure and my hormones were out of whack, so I embarrassed myself on more than one occasion. I was dealing with depression and a number of personal losses. And I was lonely.
I was practicing a solo with my singing teacher one afternoon. I stood next to his piano, waited for my cue, sang the first three notes… and burst into tears. I couldn’t get out another syllable, another sound. My teacher waited while I sipped some water and took a few deep breaths. He played the intro again, I waited for my cue, then sang the first three notes. My throat closed up. I felt like something was choking me. I couldn’t finish the song.
All I could think was, “No one wants to listen to me sing.”
Was that true? I don’t really know. I had a lot going on in my life at the time, and I was afraid, and I think that contributed significantly. But for years after that day, I couldn’t sing; I mean the way I used to sing, when I thought it could bring someone joy. I belted out many a crappy karaoke version of Sweet Caroline like a champ, but if anyone asked me to sing a song from a musical or from one of my favourite artists, my throat closed up, I lost my breath, and I got teary.
So this past Christmas I went to my parents’ place to cook the turkey and the fixings and engage in some hilarious Maltese holiday antics (which I won’t describe here because, sweet mercy, the REASONS). Now, I hadn’t ever sung in front of my parents – not when I was in high school and certainly not when I was in theatre school, and maybe it was because I was feeling exceptionally festive that day (I love any holiday marked with lots of food and twinkling lights), but all of a sudden I turned to them and belted out the first few lines of “The Sound of Music.” Both my parents were shocked. I don’t remember what my dad said, but my mom said, “Wow, she has a beautiful voice!” See, the tune came out clear as a bell, with a lovely vibrato and just a hint of huskiness. I’m fairly sure I can do it again, too; maybe next week, or maybe next Christmas.
I still don’t know exactly what happened to make me lose my singing voice for fifteen years, but I do know that I’ll find it again. Piece by piece; last word, by last word, by last word.
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The Myth of a Ruined Childhood
I’ve been wanting to write this post for a while, and since I’ve shared the news about a release date for my next novel THE MYTH IN DISTANCE (the sequel to The Voices In Between), I feel it’s a good time to let these words loose here, in my little corner of the internet.
Remember: my corner, my rules.
When I was a kid, I LOVED Jem and the Holograms. I mean, Jem alone was truly... RAD (see what I did there?) what with her owning her own record label and being an international musical superstar and philanthropist and having a boyfriend with a madonna-whore complex and having a trio (and then a quartet) of women devoted to messing her up (one less so than her bandmates - my girl-crush Stormer - and the chaos that ensued from all of that. And as if that weren’t enough, she also had a sophisticated super-computer who could project holograms onto her and her friends. Sometimes the holograms were just to put on a sensational show. Other times, those holograms saved her life.
Man, I loved Jem and the Holograms.
I also loved makeup, and dresses, and the sweetest bubblegum pop music the radio could possibly broadcast. I loved romantic movies with boys and lots of kissing (LOTS of kissing). And when my mom stopped forcing me to cut it short, I loved taking care of my hair. I loved all of that stuff.
Then, something changed.
See, when you’re a kid, sometimes people make fun of you for liking what you like (whether it be the relentless and often embarrassing ribbing you get from family members or the nasty kind of bullying that belittles all the things you wanted to be part of your identity). Sometimes you reject those things - those things that make you happy - because you want want to fit in more than you can stand feeling humiliated or alone.
Well, that’s what happened to me.
No more makeup - what’s the point when the kids at school tell you you’re ugly anyway?
No more dresses - what’s the point when you can never get your hemline to a length that will satisfy your parents AND the guy you want to impress AND the guy who wants to use it as an excuse to harass you?
No more romantic movies - what’s the point when you can’t watch them without someone suggesting you’re an idiot for enjoying the fantasy?
I lost all confidence in myself, in the things I loved, because they weren’t normal. They weren’t the right things to love. Myself included.
Fast forward to 2015, and HOLY CRAP - the Jem and Holograms feature film is released, and fans everywhere are left shaking their heads and thinking, “What the fuck was that?” They managed to take everything that made the cartoon great - and I mean EVERYTHING - throw it all out the window, and leave fans with something so far removed from the original, delightfully wacky premise that it might as well have been called WE GIVE UP - THE MOVIE. Fans everywhere took to the internet to heave a mighty cry to the binary heavens: THIS MOVIE RUINED MY CHILDHOOD.
Of course it had been ages since I last saw an episode of the cartoon, so I wanted to remember exactly what the movie’s clueless producers managed to piss all over. I loaded my go-to tv-on-demand service and saw that all three seasons were available for my viewing pleasure. Over the course of several nights, I re-watched every single episode of Jem and the Holograms. Just as I thought, it’s still the whacko-bizzaro-fun ride that thrilled fans like me back in the 80s. I loved every single minute of it.
But watching it reminded me of the girl I used to be. The girl who maybe never was a flat-out confident kiddo, but who still took chances to express herself with makeup and clothes, and still loved listening to bouncy music and watching fluffy, unabashedly romantic tv shows and movies. The girl I’d unfairly labeled as an embarrassment, because every time I remembered something she did that earned her the scorn of her peers, I cringed. The girl I’d lost the courage to defend. The girl I tried to forget. The girl I betrayed.
I wish I could go back and put my arms around that girl. I’d tell her that “normal” is just the word we use to describe a life without risk, and to please, please, please, love everything that makes her happy right out loud.
I wear makeup now. I wear it for me. I always wanted red hair, and now my hair is the brightest, most work-appropriate red I can make it. I listen to whatever music makes my bum hum, and if there’s kissing in a movie I’M SO THERE. No one can ruin your childhood but you. So don’t.
Please. Don’t.
Appearing at SFContario 6!
I'll be appearing at SFContario 6! Here's the programming schedule:
http://sfcontario.ca/sfcontario-6/programming
I'll also be attending the Bakka Phoenix book signing on the Friday night. Hope you can make it!
2015 Sunburst Award Long List Announced
I’m so thrilled to say that The Voices in Between has made the long list for the 2015 Sunburst Award - Young Adult category! Congratulations to my fellow long listers!
http://www.sunburstaward.org/2015-longlist-announcement
The Voices in Between - Aurora Nomination
So happy to announce that The Voices in Between has been nominated for the 2015 Aurora Award for Best Young Adult Novel - English!
http://www.prixaurorawards.ca/aurora-awards/aurora-nominees/
The Voices in Between - Goodreads giveaway
It’s my pleasure to give away three signed copies of my novel The Voices in Between via Goodreads!
Enter for your chance to win here: http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/22058468-the-voices-in-between?from_search=true&search_version=service
Appearing at Ad Astra Sci-Fi Convention, April 10-12, 2015
So excited to be appearing at the 2015 Ad Astra Sci-Fi Convention! This year I’ll be sitting on the following panels:
Friday, April 10
SF for a YA Audience, 8:00 PM - 9:00 PM, Markham A Room
Panellists: E.K. Johnston, Jane Ann McLachlan, Leah Bobet
Young Adult novels are tricky things - Enders Games was about children and youth - but not for them. Fantasy has managed to get a solid grasp on what the readers want...But Sci-Fi doesn't seem to be catching on. Why not?
Dystopian YA Cliches, 10:00 PM - 11:00 PM, Oakridge Room
Panellists: E.K. Johnston, James Nicoll, Simon McNeil
http://imgur.com/gallery/bWPhz (nuff said)
Saturday, April 11, 9:00 PM - 10:00 PM, Markham A Room
In Defence of the Evil Empire, Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Big Brother
A key component of many genre stories, from dystopias through to fantasy stories is the rebellion narrative. Of course, having a hero struggling against an unequal and oppressive power provides an easy source of conflict and gives the protagonist the chance to grow as they overcome a seemingly unbeatable foe. Or as they fail to do so. But rebellion stories in genre are frequently very one-dimensional; the empire in Star Wars is overtly evil. How can we write better and more nuanced rebel stories? And what authors are doing so right now?
I’ll also be reading on Sunday, April 12, in the Whitechurch Room, along with Lesley Donaldson-Reid
Hope you can make it!
The Big Tee Hee
So an author I admire with my entire being gave The Voices in Between four out of five stars on Goodreads, which makes me all tingly and tee hee!
I can't even stress enough how much I love this author's work. She wrote this one book in particular that I can't name here because then everyone will know who it is and I don't want to embarrass her, and it was like a total revelation for me. SUCH a good book. Life-changing book. And when my publisher asked me to name a few of my influences, this author was the first on the list.
And she gave Voices a sweet rating on Goodreads! A book I wrote! And she read it! And liked it! TEE HEE! So happy!
Research
So things have been pretty quiet around here lately (by the way, Happy New Year 2015!) and that's because I've been working on a couple of projects:
- The sequel to Voices (tentatively titled The Myth in Distance)
- A new, as-yet-unnamed YA title that I'm bouncing around in my head. And by bouncing, I mean researching. I'm hitting the books and learning all I can learn while I plot the story out, which means I haven't been much fun in the tumblr universe.
But never fear! As soon as I've got a few other important things to say, I'll put them up here. Until then, it's back to the library with me.
Jocelyn Shipley on The Voices In Between
"An impressive debut! Challenger's confident, resonant voice makes this poignant story a gripping read."
- Jocelyn Shipley, author, How to Tend a Grave and Seraphina's Circle
Upcoming appearance at the Inspire! Toronto International Book Fair
I'll be appearing at the Tightrope Books booth (#307) this weekend as part of the Inspire! Toronto International Book Fair.
http://www.torontobookfair.ca/
And I'll be reading from The Voices in Between at 4pm on Friday, November 14th at The Hub. Swing by and say hello!
AM Dellamonica on The Voices In Between
"A fast-paced debut from a promising new novelist. Challenger's In-Between takes the bones of the Pied Piper story and transforms them from a fairy tale of salvation to the stuff of nightmares."
- A.M. Dellamonica, author, Indigo Springs and Blue Magic
Caitlin Sweet on The Voices In Between
"Charlene Challenger's The Voices In Between is about Adoni, a teenager whose pain drives her headlong into another world. This is a timeless young adult, genre fiction setup, which makes you think you pretty much know what's coming--only you don't. Adoni's new world is surprising, as frightening as it is beautiful, and the battles (both emotional and physical) that she wages there make for riveting, sometimes heartbreaking reading. This is a powerful and exciting debut, and I can't wait for Book Two."
- Caitlin Sweet, author of The Pattern Scars and A Telling of Stars
Upcoming readings
Happy to say I'll be reading from The Voices in Between at two upcoming events. The first is the Tightrope Books October launch of The Uncertainty Principle by Roxanna Bennett and Wolf in a Beaver Coat by Rosario Lloret, on October 21st at Handlebar. Details are on the Tightrope Books website:
http://tightropebooks.com/tightrope-october-launch/
Also happy to be a featured reader at Tightope Books' upcoming reading at Glad Day Bookshop on October 23. Details here:
https://www.facebook.com/events/762804127118613/?ref=22
The Glad Day reading will also feature readings by Jeffrey Round and Rosario Lloret.
Odd souls.
The Quiet Game
Things have been quiet on this little tumblr of mine. Truth is I haven't felt the need to say anything, except for the occasional appearance announcement. Another truth is I think I'm still suffering from a bit of post-partum depression with my novel The Voices In Between.
It's not that I thought things would be radically different from how they are; I guess I'd stopped imagining the future beyond the publication of the book, and now that it has become the present I can't recognize it. I'm all like, "Is this what's going on now? What should I do?" Lame, but true.
Fortunately the cold weather is coming, and those of you who know me well know I absolutely adore frigid freezing cold weather. I find I'm much more creative when it's cold outside, much more inspired by the world around me. I love all seasons, but fall and winter? They're especially my jam.
I'm hoping to see some reviews of the book soon. If you're interested in reviewing the book you can contact Tightrope for a review copy here:
www.tightropebooks.com
And if you're interested in interviewing me at all you can drop me a line at [email protected]