Chase Deviers @chasedeviers-blog - Tumblr Blog

#TheDefect #Part8 #ISBDB #ThisHouseNoLongerIsHome

Two weeks when I finally knew what my Mahem was speaking about when she said that no matter what happened that she would be here by the side of me and the reading of my Grandpa’s estate at the Kings audience house, my mahmen and I had been called to the this place and it was the first time I had the chance to see the King of our race. I had heard rumours about him and how he had been reluctant to be the King but he had put it aside. He had lead the race when he became a mated to a woman he loved. She was the better half of him anyone who met him since then knew that however it was over twenty years since he had her by his side, killed in this war, no one truly knew the circumstances but I was only a few years old when it happened. As I stood looking up at the tiling in the audience house I was overwhelmed. I did not know how this was going to go tonight and I was nervous.

“Welcome, the Young and Grandyoung of the male in question let me begin the reading” the King’s lawyer began to read, they did not use names but why would they, The King may have met my grandpa a few times in meetings but he could be expected to know everyone who was on council. My Grandpa was more likely to skip the meeting to play with me than he was to go to the meetings as soon as I was living with him, “The reading is this the house if he went to the fade before his shellan would be that it would go to her, for giving him so many years of happy mating and a beautiful daughter” I froze my Grandpa had not changed his last will and testament, he had left it all to her. My heart thudded as I felt the tears roll down my eyes, how could they give it to her, she had murdered him, did she know was that one of the reasons she did this?

I wanted to scream and shout but then I remembered what my mahmen had said, no matter what happened we had each other, we still had our own little two bedroom apartment so if we were to be kicked out then we would be okay. “You have a month to vacate the property and find other accommodation” the lawyer almost looked apologetic to my Mahmen and I, but it did not matter we would respect the wishes of my grandpa and we would move from the home we had enjoyed for the past seven years.

***

Two days after the reading of his last wishes it all went to shit. My Grandmahmen turned up with a order that the property would have to be surrendered to her, although the signature was not from the King it was from a human lawyer and if my Mahmen and I stayed she would have us arrested. I leant towards her.

“You are the one who killed him, how is it fair that you are the one who gets to have his legacy” I snarled. We had already began packing and moving our things out but there was still somethings I wanted to leave till the last possible moment, like a picture album of my family and the set that I had brought my Grandpa for his birthday. I was going to build it when we got back to the old apartment.

“I told you before defect it is your fault that he died, if the old fool had not tried to save you then I would not have had to stab him like I did” she snarled at me, “Now I do not think you deserve to be in this house anymore because it is all your fault, boys will you have him removed and anything you find in his ‘room’ you can chuck into the yard and he can decide whether he wants it or not” I was pushed out of the house as my stuff was chucked out of my window, the photo album, bunny, the box I was going to give Grandpa, the last thing was throw towards me by her. It was the model the first model my grandpa and I had made and I hit me straight in the heart bouncing and snapping onto the ground. I looked down at it broken and I screamed. This was his and mine. This was out time. One day I would end her, I would make sure that I was the last eyes that she saw when she did not enter the fade but went straight to Dhund. Placing Bunny and my other bits in a box I looked at the model and cupped it up cradling it. I was going to repair this and it would go with me when I moved to other places. Placing it all into the back of my car I saw my mahmen arriving back from work she looked at me as she tried to get in they would not let her. Rain began to pour, I took my mahmen in my arms and placed her into my car with the boxes of the stuff we had.

I took one last look at the house that had given me some good memories with my grandpa but also had given me some awful moments in my twenty-five years of life. I looked up to the sky and spoke to grandpa, muttering, “I am sorry I did not fight harder for you and I am sorry that I could not keep your home. I am sorry I am now leaving but this house no longer feels like home, I will take the good memories but as the rain pours I hope that these bad ones will wash away. I am sorry we weren’t able to save your pride and joy and she was able to take it all, but one day I will make sure she will pay for what she did to my mahmen and me, I promise that now”

I got into the car soaked through into the skin, my mahmen squeezed my hand, “We are going to be okay bunny, we always are, she will not be able to deny what she did forever she will be judged for her crimes one day”

One day maybe not soon, but one day her day of reckoning would happen and it would be me who made sure of it. I was sure on that because who better to give her justice than the defect she blamed for all her woes in her life.

#EndSolo #ISBDB

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#TheDefect #ISBDB #Part7 #KeepStrength

The walk was the longest of my life my shoes were uncomfortable and heavy. They were not what I would usually wear at all and it felt suffocating the tie felt as if it had a grip against my throat and it was as if every move I made it was getting more constricted but I held my mahmens hand as we knew people were waiting she stroked my cheek as I saw the final destination. The one I never thought I was going to make.

My legs buckled as I moved to the family crypt there was a row of people standing there I held the candle as I walked towards the urn. My grandpa’s body and this was all that was left an urn? How can that be? How was that fair? I took my mahmen’s hand as we moved closer. My Mahmen had asked me to say a few words but I was unsure if I was able to do it. Was I going to be able to stand in front of all these people and not be able to break. I flattened out my suit jacket and took out the tiny piece of paper from my shaking hand. Steadying it I breathed.

“Females and males I would like to thank you for coming to show your respect for my grandpa. I know that all of you will agree that my grandpa was a good man who showed anyone in his life respect, kindness and if you were me and my Mahmen. Love. My grandpa had the biggest heart and I could not imagine a time when I was going to be doing something like this. I thought my grandpa was invincible I thought he would be there when I had my mating. I thought he would see his great- grandyoung but the fates had their own ideas. They did not want him to still be here but my grandpa wanted me to tell you this. In life sometimes things happen that is unexpected, but no matter what it is there is always a reason behind it. So today we do not stand here to mourn my grandpa moving in the fade he is here, in each time you look at your family be like him, at each time you see the financial forecasts think of him. And every time you see a model figure that he has made with his little grandsire and he made you say it was the best thing in the world- think of his chuckles as you turn around” I took the lily from the side of the perch. If this wasn’t the biggest fuck you to my Grandmahmen who always said that she hated lillies at a fade ceremony and I could not help but smile. I placed it next to the urn. “To the fade was commend this male who brought so much joys to our lives. Who made us believe that no matter who you are. He will always welcome you home to Alexhander Moors Deviers. Until the fade reunites us all I promise I will live by your example” l looked up and saw my Mahmen crying and I smiled at her. As I moved her back to my seat as the glymera leader walked up and spoke about my grandpa.

I squeezes my mahmen’s hand and I was thankful that the bitch who murdered my grandpa had not decided to try and up try and upstage my grandpa’s day. At least for today she decided the best place for her was far far away from here because if she did turn up I would not have been responsible for my actions.

#SoloEnd #ISBDB

#TheDefect #ISBDB #Part7 #KeepStrength

#SoloEnd #ISBDB

Moments - For Her

#Moments #ISBDB #Solo

It was late in the afternoon in the mansion which meant everyone should be and I was unable to sleep, as always thoughts of the female invaded my mind and it was not the time to be going out to try and work her out of my system. It would just be me who would be in the halls and maybe it would be one of the docs, as I moved into the communal room I did not expect to see her sitting on the chair curled up crying her eyes out. I watched her for a moment wondering if she knew my presence, when she looked up to me with her eyes puffy and my heart broke, it actually broke. I was a male who was now screwed.

“Chase” she blotted her eyes to try and hide her tears, “How long have you been there?”

“Long enough” I smiled softly. “I could not sleep”

She looked at me with a small smile back at me and it took my breath away I was so used to seeing her with hair up but it was loose tonight and it was breath taking, I needed to calm myself down I did not want her to know how much of an effect she had on me, “Neither did I” she looked at me.

I stood for a moment not wanting to know if I wanted to go or stay with her, “Maybe I should leave you be” I smiled about to turn on my heels.

“Chase” her small voice pulled me back as I turned. “Will you just sit with me for a while?”

I nodded my head as I took the seat next to her, “If you do not want to talk about it I understand but I am here to listen if you want to” I sat back allowing her to think about it.

We sat in silence for the longest time but we what we did not speak about was why she was here, so I made up something in my head how she had wanted to see me. When she shifted in her seat to look at me, she smiled a comforting smile as she took my hand squeezing it I was not sure if she knew it was me but I took her hand that encompassed mine because this was a moment, a moment that I had been thinking about for the last five years and finally I was not dreaming it and it was real. I squeezed her hand as my thumb circled her wrist she needed this comfort tonight and I wanted to be able to give it to her, if this was the only stolen moment I could have until I was male enough to admit my feelings than holding hands with the female I desired and maybe even needed as an anchor in my life than I would take it as much or as little comfort as she wanted. We stayed with our hands entwined as the shutters came up and then the spell was broken. She got up and went on about her day but in this moment I knew I was getting closer to her, inch by inch and I hoped that I would be able to have more moments like this.

***

These became the moments I lived for in the next few weeks we would meet by the fire at the same time, to begin with I did not think she would be there but there she was in the same position looking up at me, this was the intimacy I had craved from a female, and we would not even speak to one another, we did not need to. We had not kissed or held each other and I did not care because this was more this was deeper than that in the hours leading up to the shutters coming up she would take my hand and smile, the sadness gone from her eyes. Sadness that I hoped that one day I would never have to see again. I would do my best to make sure that it was nothing that I brought into her life.

This was the moments and the cards we were dealt, if this is the case than every night I would come back here like an addict because I knew that she was my drug and she was who I craved even just with touching her hand I knew that I would chase those tears away even if she did not want me to. I would keep those demons away like the warrior I wanted to be because no one as pretty as her should ever be crying. I would be her anchor even if she did not know it.

#SoloEnd #ISBDB

Broken Wings- The Defect Part 6

#TheDefect #Part6 #BrokenWings #ISBDB #SOLO

The fade ceremony was set for my grandpa, I had awoken screaming every night since the death of him seeing the blood on my hands feeling the anger that my Grandmahmen had harmed him, replaying each of the moments of the day that he went into the fade in my arms. I did not think I could stand at the ceremony tomorrow and not be able to break down. Not to stand and pretend that I was alright. My Mahmen had not asked me about the events as she removed the glass from my back that night and she had not asked me since but every night she came into my bedroom and tried to soothe me as I wept for the man who raised me. Not tonight though she was meeting with members of the Glymera to discuss the details of the fade ceremony and how they were going to see him off. My Grandpa was a good man and he deserved the best. As I moved down the corridor towards his office I looked around the wood panelling installed nearly two hundred years still looking as if it was needed, dark oak gleamed in the moonlight. As I spotted the model that my grandpa built with me when I was nine, a small smile crept on my lips. We had spent two nights building the little plane that say proudly on his desk half of the paint may have been flaking but it was his pride and joy. I remembered how he would touch it before he left for meetings and how he would always look at me with such pride when we did the next one. I would miss that the most. I had one sitting in my room one that I was going to give on his naming day which was only a week away. There was going to be no celebration this time I was not going to be able to build it with him.

I did not realise the shutters had gone down until I was awoken with screaming again my hands drenched over my hands. I looked down and there they were soaked. I blinked once, twice no it was still there, moving down towards the bathroom I saw my mahmen look at me as I walked past. She needed her sleep.

“Mahmen” I kissed her cheek, “Go and rest it was just a dream” I hid my hands so she would not see the blood that I knew were there.

She nodded she looked exhausted she was saying goodbye to her sire today she needed all the rest she could.

I kept walking to the bathroom the light turning on as I walked it. Turning on the taps I saw the smear of the red on the taps where I had touched it was everywhere on my skin, under my nails. I swallowed as I grabbed the soap and scrubbing brush as started to scrub but the problem was nothing would take it off. So I scrubbed and scrubbed. My hands would not get clean scraping at the skin. I could feel it getting redder and redder. I do not know how long I was there when I heard my mahmen standing there saying my name.

“Bunny” she soothed, “You are bleeding”

“Mahmen my hands they are so dirty” I choked, “I can’t get them clean” she went to pull me into her arms and I stop her, “I don’t want to get the blood all over you, I will infect you like I infected him I am nothing but the defect and it is all my fault”

“Bunny, my sweet boy, you have not got blood on you unless you keep scrubbing. You my darling young are not dirty, and my darling you are not a defect, I can promise you that no matter what my Mahmen says your grandpa loved you bunny and was so proud of the love you and he had, do not let her words define you my young” she cradled me picking up a cloth and dipping it with water as she ran it over my hands. “How long have these dreams been happening? How long have you been seeing the blood?”

She knew I had been not sleeping well but could I tell her how vivid the dream were that for the past two weeks I had been having these dreams that I could always see the blood on my hands.

“I am sure they are just me dealing with what happened Mahmen. The sun will be down soon, and the shutters will be up and we need to be ready to say goodbye” my voice did not even sound like me I had steeled my voice.

“This is not over my bunny, we will talk after today” All I could do was nod.

****

I stood in front of the mirror placing the black tie around my neck, scribe how I hated wearing a tie, as I tried to tie the knot I found that I was all fingers and thumbs. I did not think I was going to be able to do this. How could I not even do a knot of a bloody tie. My eyes glazed. When I saw my mahmen standing at the door she was wearing the dress that Grandpa loved her to wear.

“Come here Bunny” I moved towards her with a soft smile, as she began to make me look presentable, “We have this sweetheart” she cupped my cheek. “You and I bunny it is us against the world and no matter what happens I have your back”

Her words told me that something was going to happen tonight or something she was aware of but what I did not know what it was but she needed me today and even if I was broken she needed me to be strong for her and be her little fighter like when I made it through my surgery I would get through today.

#TheDefect #BrokenWings #Part6 #TBC

#TheDefect #Part5 Broken Glass #Solo #ISBDB

You always think things are going well and then life comes and kicks you in the ass. Well today was when it bit me. I was two months after the transition that almost killed me. The doc was right when he said he was not sure if my heart would take it but I fought. The reason my Mahmen. As soon as it hit I scream out for her and she ran at me. Calling my grandpa to get the female they had chosen to help me through it. A female with a strong bloodline even though I was not going to mate her, her family had agreed because of who my grandpa was. She soothed my hair and I could hear her. “Fight my Bunny, you have to keep fighting” and fight I did for forty- eight hours I fought. Every heartbeat feeling that it was going to break out of my chest. The female feeding me every time I whimpered. I was exhausted when it was over. People tell you the transition is hard but I never expected it to be this hard. But the soft cries of my Mahmen I knew I needed to fight. The female was gone when I fully woke up for the final time my Mahmen at me in seconds. She placed her hand on my chest as she felt my heartbeat. “My good Bunny” and she weeped, as she looked at my body that had changed she touched my scar which was still there, “You are taller and bigger, you are not so little no bunny” the pride in her voice was evident and all I could do was hold her as she sobbed.

That was two months ago and I was getting stronger grandpa was slowly getting back and my Mahmen was happy to be with him. I should have known it would not last. I opened the door to the house. Late at night and my Mahmen would be working till late after taking a job at a cafe. I stepped into the room and there was glass shattered on the floor. As my boots kicked the glass I felt an uneasiness.

“Grandpa?” I spoke.

“Defect” the voice chilled me. That explains the broken glass a frame of a picture of me, Mahmen and grandpa had been smashed on the floor, shattered into a million pieces. She moved towards me with purpose, “You survived then and not for the first time, how disappointing”

“Where is Grandpa?” I spoke.

“Oh my Hellren is taking a little nap” she looked at me with such disdain. My anger rose, she has hurt her Hellren.

“You hurt him? You are a bitch” I growled, what would posses a shellan to harm her Hellren? Even if they were estranged love did not go away.

“He will wake eventually but I am here for another reason. I was here to make sure you stop bringing shame upon this family. I was going to end you” she moved towards me with a knife in her hand. I moved out of her way. As I was a little quicker being newly transitioned. I took hold of her arms as she came towards me again, knocking me to the ground and onto the glass. “You bring nothing but disappointment to this family. My young should have married someone great but no she had you and no one would touch her. Even then you were not born right. Tainted blood will do that” her words were venomous as I wrestled the knife out of her hand, the shards of glass digging into my back.

It happened so quickly that I did not see it coming. My grandpa was up and he had hold of his shellan by the neck. “I told you I never wanted to see you again. And you do not harm this boy” as the words were said he stumbled back because the knife my grandmahmen had in her hand was plunged into my grandpa’s stomach. I screamed a blood curdling scream as I got up and threw my grandmahmen out on her ass slamming the door behind her. The knife on the ground with his blood. Again he had done it all to protect me.

I knelt down as he looked at me. “Grandpa, I am so sorry” tears fell from my eyes as I tried to stem the bleeding. He had not fed for a while so it was not going to stop. I did what I remembered apply pressure on the wound. I was losing him and there was nothing I could do, “No, I am not ready to lose you”

“Chase, no matter know this I go into the fade knowing I have two things to be proud of you and your Mahmen. You are my greatest legacy and no matter what my shellan says you are worthy” his breath left him, weak as I let go of my hand. I looked down at my hands seeing them stained with his blood because his shellan had decided to take me out.

I sat there until I heard the sound of my Mahmen come in. I shut off. I was numb just staring at my hands, “Bunny” She was crying I did not know how long she had been there but someone had taken my grandpa’s body away.

“I tried Mahmen, I tried to save him. Grandmahmen killed him” I struggled to get the words out my hands still stained with the blood of the man who gave his life for mine.

“I know Bunny, I know. I have you. She will pay for this my son” she muttered to me. I looked down at the broken glass shattered on the floor and I noticed it represented our bloodline at the moment. We were fractured, broken and nothing was going to be able to fix it no matter how hard I tried to. Nothing was going to allow me to get this blood off my hands no matter how hard I tried.

#TheDefect Part 5 #ISBDB

#Close #ISBDB [Mature Themes]

“This can’t happen, this can never happen” the sound of her voice splintered into my soul as she spoke the words. I needed her like the wind needed the rain. Like the sun needed the the moon. I was hers.. as she was mine. She just did not know it. My heart was racing as I left her in the medical bay. I had been with her every day since her accident only leaving her to shower and eat and that was only because the Doc pushed me out.

I knew why she did it. I understood it was forbidden but her and I were not wrong I knew that with all my heart. I could not help the way she made me react. I slammed the door to my bedroom as I leaned against the wall. I was not sure how I could keep my hands to myself now that I had a taste of her.

*** Three weeks since the day I had tasted her kiss and it was like a drug. I needed it more. I needed her. I needed to taste her in every way possible. I was going to drive myself made and It was still not getting better. Seeing her getting stronger seemed to kick my hormones into gear. I was walking around hard every moment something that one of the other trainees had noticed.

I lay in my bed thinking of her in my bed her scent. The need have her in my arms caused my dick to kick into gear. Her hair fanned as she rode me hard. My hand moved over my cock it was painful so damn painful. I moved harder the callous thumb from holding the weapon brushed the underside of my cock a loud groan emitted from my lips.

“That’s it Chase show me how much you want me” her voice taunted me as I moved my hand over my cock harder my breath quickening as I my hips moved on their own. I could feel her near only a few doors down and it drove me on. She could tease me all she wanted but I would have her in the end.

“Come on Chase, you can do better than that we both know that” her smirk I could see her smirk. I could see her face, her hair, her lips. I imagined pushing her against the wall claiming her, ripping the fabric of her clothes off. Her moans would match mine. My speed grew as my hips undulated with a mind of its own as my hand created the friction it needed. As I began to crash imaging her and her mouth sucking every part of my release down her throat. It would be a glorious sight one I would savour when it could happen.

As my head threw back as my cock hit my belly my release all over the sheets. It was her name I called as I came. It was her. She may tell me it was wrong but I was going to have her one day. My intended.. the words came crashing through me.. mine… because that was what she was and what she would always be. No matter how much it was told as wrong it could never truly be wrong when it felt this good. Like a sweet torture, but a torture there would be a hell of a release from when I got there.

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******PARRY'S EASTER CHALLENGE FOR CHASE AND ABE******

Parry: “Hasta La Vista, Shit head!” Sweat dripping into his eyes, Chase narrowed them enough to glare at the guy shimmying past him on the rope. He couldn’t tell from behind who it was, but it didn’t matter. Abe was breaking away, getting ahead. Losing was one thing that Chase personally detested especially losing to Abe, but he had to learn to accept when competing with fellow trainees. After all, they were to be the best. They would become Brothers oneday.

I couldn’t help but laugh as a challenge came to mind for them both. Keeping a close watch on them as they both kicked it up a gear to the unsustainable but kick-ass super gear, biceps at quivering, shoulders rippling point, Chase yanked himself up his rope in three quick pulls. Rather than vaulting the wall at the top, he flipped over it, landing on the other side, double-timing it through the rest of the obstacle course to take the lead, where he crossed the unofficial finish line and dropped to his knees at the same moment Abe did, both huffed for air.

“Challenge Issued” As i gave them both a wicked grin holding back a laugh, motioning a hand in the direction of the many buckets full of chocolate eggs and bunnie.

“Stand, turn around and strip, drop your pants and give me them cheeky ass cheeks” I cracked up laughing as they protested and cursed not sure what they hell was about to happen. As I dropped to my knees smirking, I pulled the white, red, green, light blue and pink face and body crayons and began my masterpiece.

“If you succeed delivery of them Easter baskets to the Brothers and family members and not get caught. The winner wins a prize. Oh, you do all that naked. And Rhage is home…He can sniff food miles out.” I cracked the hell up as Chase looked over his shoulder at and Abe just busted out laughing along with me. “Annnnnd I’m filming this shit…for training purpose of course.”

I flashed them a smirk and a nod. They both grabbed the baskets and bolted out the gym.

“STEALTH MODE, REMEMBER” I yelled back, laughing as I followed on their six.

Abe: [Parry’s snickering was making me laugh, no doubt she loved the view of egg on our ass. I dropped a shoulder into @GuardedShadows and snorted almost dropped the basket in front the first door. @PurebredMthrFkr

Then… it was Bella and Z. @BellaAhgony @Banded_Warrior Cormia @BereavedBeauty Nalla and LW @HisLeelanNalla @WrathByName Chase @GuardedShadows was close behind me with the greatest view…my ass! I looked over my shoulder and he was close by @EverlonginBitty room, placing down those at her door. Then it was… Trez @ASoulInShards turn and down the hall to…

Ehlena @EternalEhlena

Marissa @LostShellan

Lucius and Ronan @Guilty_Torment @HdnDrkness

Then it was… Trez @ASoulInShards turn and down the hall to… Ehlena @EternalEhlena Marissa @LostShellan Lucius and Ronan @Guilty_Torment @HdnDrkness

Biggest and the best was for Rhage. Everyone knows not to fuck with Brother when food is involved. @GuardedShadows and I carefully delivered these to Rhage @MyLolliIsRhagin and Mary @Mary_M_Luce

Chase: [shaking my head at Abe as I saw he had only done half of the deliveries that needed to be made, we weren’t going to get any form of reward if we hadn’t done them all, muttering to myself as I picked up the basket wiggling my ass, the things I do for a female, he of course had left me the harder ones. The trainees, who so would have our asses if they saw us like this.

@Deaths_Grace and @Teagahn_BDB I left these at their doors..

stalking up to the next one. @DhestroyLegacy if he was anything like I have heard about Butch he would enjoy the cream

stalking back down the hallway Abe following down the line @SinEaterQueen

I stopped at the final door that I knew so well. Turning to Abe to distract Parry for a bit by rounding her off to another part of the Mase I place hers down with a note- to the female who drives me to distraction

stopping at @NoMercyInMyKill ~ welcome to the family happy Easter before heading back to @EverlonginBitty’s door as I had my own present to leave

- leaving outside Bitty’s door. Looking back to Abe and Parry] There you go done [as we rounded back to the Gym.

******PARRY’S EASTER CHALLENGE FOR CHASE AND ABE****** #BDB #ImmortalSinners

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Featuring myself read

Doctor Visit sixty- three

#DoctorVisits #Solo #ISBDB Check number sixty- three. This was the sixty- third time I had come here to have my heart checked. Touching the scar as I pulled on my shirt. Why couldn’t I be normal? There was a real possibility that one day this heart would give out. What would I do then? These people had become my family. From @everlonginbitty who had become like a sister to me to Abe the trainee who gave me shit, and I got him back just as much. I had to long for the fact that for the sixty- third time I passed my physical exam because for the first time I felt like I belonged here. As I pulled the hoody over my head I heard a soft wrap at the door. Thinking that it was Bitty coming to check on me after a little break down about my check up as I opened the door it was not who I was expecting @1st_amongequals was standing looking at me. She was a brother I suddenly froze had I done something that I was not aware I did. “You have your exam today, Chase” she looked at me, I did not even know she was keeping track but then she was a brother I knew they had meetings about all of us, after classes, “I am going to be coming along” “What the rest of the brothers don’t trust doc Jane’s diagnosis?” I bit back. I was nervous enough as it was but to have a brother there as well. “I am coming to make sure that my rotation partner is fit for purpose” she stared at me almost wanting me to test her. I almost did but I bit it back. I nodded my head as I knew there was no point arguing she would be coming either way. Looking at my watch I knew I had to get this over and done with. As I walked down the long hall of towards the medical suite I was reminded that I had been here too much in my five years this last month more that I had been. Not for me but for the family- the hurt, the anguish, the sadness. I really hoped I was not going to add to this. As I pushed the door open I was greeted by Doc Jane she was going to be the one doing my testing today. She looked at Paradise and asked her to sit down on the chair as the doc wired me up on heart monitor to do a ECG this was the base reading she would then be placing me on the treadmill for a 25 km run to make sure that there was no abnormalities in my running of my heart. She was then going to run blood tests as well. I must have been there for nearly two hours and gone through all of my tests as I looked over to Parry who was still positioned on the bed. “What if this heart fails me?” I spoke aloud I did not even realising I had. “The heart won’t fail you Chase, if worse comes to worse you will change direction but it will not fail you” I looked up at her. I was about to say something when I stopped as Jane walked in. “Chase, you will be pleased to know check up sixty-three has come back all clear. There is no abnormalities that we can make out we shall see you again next month” I smiled towards Doc Jane. “Thanks Doc, I will make sure that I am on my best behaviour, Paradise do you want to take this back to the King or do you want to read it first?” I asked. Passing her my notes. She looked at the top of my notes and froze her brow furrowed. What was wrong? I did not know did she see something she did not like? Before I got to ask her face went back to her normal look as she took the casefile back to the King. “I will see you ready for rotation in an hour” she said as she walked away. I was ready because I now had to get ready for visit sixty- four. #endsolo #ISBDB

The Defect Part Four #ISBDB

#TheDefect #PartFour My Grandsire batted off the fact that he was not thinking about my grandmahmen and that his heart was not breaking every time he thought of his shellan. At the end of the day he was a bonded Male, and a bonded Male did not just forget about his shellan, especially one who had given him a young. No one could forget the person who you had made a young with as they were a gift from the scribe Virgin, bestowed onto our kind when we needed them. I saw the sadness in his eyes. The way my Mahmen would speak in hushed tones to him that would be silenced every time I walked into a room. I tried not to make it seem as if every time they hushed that it cut me that I was the one who caused this. If I wasn’t like how I was my grandsire would be happy. He would be still with my bitch of a grandmahmen who even though she was not here was still encroaching on our lives. Wasn’t that was she always did in mine? She was the voice I heard when I thought I would not make it. She was the one who ran through my brain that I was not good enough and I should just let myself pass onto the fade it would make everyone happy. But no I kept fighting- I kept living. Every time my heart beat I was making someone more unhappy by the second. If I had been born well maybe I would have been able to make them all happy but now I wasn’t. I couldn’t believe that I was making them all unhappy. What if I didn’t make it when I changed the year was coming like a wave crashing and it would explode would I make them all happy then when I was taller and bigger would I become the person they wanted me to be. Or was I always going to be this scrawny defect that made everyone unhappy.

Break #ISBDB defect part 3

#ISBDB #Solo #Break #TheDefectPart3 The scar was there as I touched the poor thing. A reminder of just what I was to my Grandmahmen. As I placed the suit on. My Mahmen had her monthly visit to my Grandmahmen and my pops house today. At nearing the age of nineteen now you would think that my Grandmahmen had accepted that I was going to live, but now her thoughts turned to how much of a disappointment I would be when I transitioned and if I was any good at my job I would die and leave my Mahmen to get on with her life. If only it was the simple. I knew I would break my mahmen’s heart should I die when I transitioned. Something I was not willing to do. My Mahmen had never found someone to love her and I know that was one of the resentments that my Grandmahmen had. It was my fault she never found a Hellren because of my birth. It took her off the market because who wanted a ready made family when they could build their own. I was the defect that just kept on giving. The only reason I agreed to go to the dinner today was because I wanted to see my pops. He loved me even if his shellan did not. He was the male who taught me how to build aeroplane models, fix my bike and helped me when I was teased for having a cuddly toy when I was ten. He was the only male that I needed. It did not matter to my that my own father was not in my life he was enough to teach me how to be a good male. His only downside was the female he married that was always so prim and proper around him but her claws came out when he was not. The drive in my mahmen’s beat up old car made me twitchy that my Mahmen knew. She tried to keep me in conversation asking me any question she could think of. It was a game she would often play. My poor Mahmen wanted to be with her family but she also wanted to protect me. I could not blame her for that nor would I ever. She was between a rock and a hard place trying to keep everyone safe and happy. “Bunny, you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. I don’t mind if you drive the car back around and leave me with her today” she took my hand as we pulled up at the gates of the imposing house. “Mama, I would not be anywhere else. You need me to be here. If not you would not have asked me to” I squeezed her hand, “Besides, pops is here today just how bad could she be?” *** Famous last words they were and I should never have spoken them. My pops was not there when we entered the house which meant my Grandmahmen thought it was free reign to see how far she could upset me. I kept my head down not saying two words to her because if I did it would lead to some form of punishment. “Chase” my mother’s tone made me feel a waft of peace run through me, “why don’t you go and set the table to me” I stood up and moved into the dining hall thankful that my Mahmen had made me leave my Grandmahmen’s domain, but the peace did not last long she walked through the doors as I was about to place one of the crystal glasses on the table. Seeing her there I shook and dropped it on the floor hearing the glass smash into tiny pieces. This was like holding a red rag to a bull and my Grandmahmen was pissed. She grew in statue as she slapped me right across the face. One day I would hopefully be bigger than her but that one day was not today. I was still one of the smallest males with little muscles no matter how hard I tried to get them. “You stupid defect do you have any idea how much those are worth? How old they are?” She spat each time slapping me around the face. “You should never have been born and if I had had my way you wouldn’t of” the final blow came right towards my nose as I felt a crunch. Another injury I was going to have to explain to my pops when he saw me of how clumsy I was. But not today as I heard a males voice boom across the dining room. “My shellan, step away from my grandson” he was pissed that I knew. “You touch him again and it won’t be only his Mahmen who will end you, I will too. Now get the hell out of my house” I looked up to see the figure of my grandsire, he was built like a warrior although he never became one, and I would not want to argue with him if I had my way. My Grandmahmen shrunk. As she looked at her Hellren in shock. “I was only trying to teach him a lesson” she moved closer to him. “Isn’t that right Chase?” She could not even say my name in kindness there was a hatred laced with it. I looked up holding my nose and shook my head. I was not going to lie anymore. “Leave, my house I will have our doggen send your things to our daughters house and I will get them to move here” I looked shocked, what had I just done but to separate a Hellren from his shellan. I truly was the worse kind of defect. #EndSolo

What Would IT Take

#WhatWouldItTake #Solo #ISBDB First meeting Three weeks into the training programme and I had been keeping myself to myself. There was people everyday running classes usually another brother, Shellan’s teaching us other things and training oh lord the training. Touching my scar I had been really hard for me hide this, it was in my file but I had to keep going for doctors exams to make sure I was fit enough for the programme. The King had said that he was taking a risk in taking me on in the programme but he needed people. They were losing too many people. They needed fresh blood. As I went to the training centre I saw her and it was like my axis was spinning out of control. Here I was and my body reacting to the female in front of me. Oh fuck is this how it begins... she was tall, her body toned and she knew how to move. I began thinking of all the positions I could get her in and how I could make her scream my name. I did not really pay attention in class I ended up on my ass more times that I cared to remember, but one thing I did know from the night was that this females eyes were going to spend the night haunting me. I was fucked. Second meeting I was right they had haunted me for the next week, every time I closed my eyes I saw her.. I had been avoiding her for a week, ducking out of class as soon as it was over so she would not stop and ask me questions I could not have that. If I stopped I would make a fool out of myself. As I rounded the corner towards the medical suite for my monthly examination I saw her talking to another Male. My skin prickled. Calm it, I growled at myself, she was beautiful she was.. I could not even finish that thought she was in front of me. “Chase, I am beginning to get a complex is it because I am a female that you can’t talk to me?” She looked angry, fuck she looked pissed. And it made me want her more. I could get rid of that anger my body was screaming. No, of course it wasn’t that it was because I was a horny Male around her. And I wanted to push her up against this wall now and fuck her into oblivion. “Chase, one day you are going to have to get over yourself and realise females are just as good as males when it comes to being out on the field” she snapped again. She took a step closer and I caught my breath. I couldn’t help it. “Chase” a males voice stopped me, the doc, “I was just checking to make sure that you were coming to the appointment” “Sure Doc” I nodded, “I am on my way” turning to her, I steadied my emotions. “I have to go” for the first time I was grateful for my visits because it meant I was not going to do anything stupid to this female that would make me get in trouble and out of the programme. “Chase, why are you seeing the doctor, are you alright?” She looked concerned and scribe it made me want her more. “Another time” I replied as I turned and left her. I knew I had to do whatever it took to make her love me. I needed to find a way to make her see that I was not a sexist Male but actually I admired her, really admired her. But this was a game and it was one that I was going to win. #EndSolo #ISBDB

The defect Part Two

#TheDefect #Solo #IsBDB #part2 Beep beep beep.. I opened my eyes to the sound of beeping scribe I hated the sound of the beeping, but I knew that it kept me alive. Every beep meant I was still here. I was twelve as I laid here my chest again making its claim. I had found out there was a problem with my heart. I cuddled against my bunny even though if any one saw me I would deny it. I could feel the fade getting closer. I was never going to become the male that my Mahmen wanted me to be. I was dying slowly. Every time my heart would thumb it was as if it was running out of time. My Mahmen knew each time I was here I may never be coming out. I was not going to make it to my transition. That I knew. I was never going to meet a female. I was never going to make my Mahmen proud. The realisation made me sad. I truly was what my grandmahmen said the defect. My Mahmen sat by my side holding my hand. “hey my sweet boy, you know that today may be the day” she smiled. Today may be the day the day where I was operated on and I would not get my hopes up as this is the fifth time since I was the age of seven that they thought I would have operation. My heart needed it if I was going to have a normal life. But every time I was just about to go under they would tell me that it was not a match and my Mahmen would look a little more heartbroken. I did not want her to get her hopes up. “Maybe Mahmen” I held my bunny a little tighter. “We are going to take him down now” the doctor spoke to my Mahmen. “See you soon Bunny” “Love you Mahmen” was that the last words I was going to speak to her as they wheeled me to the theatre. I hoped there was a time that I was able to speak those words to her again. All I could think as I was put under was that there was a beep beep beep. Keep my alive please let me stay alive. I awoke to searing pain hitting me and the sound of the beeping I tried to sit up but I was pushed back down as some salt was placed on my chest. “This is a reminder, defect that you are just that” my grandmahmen said next to me. It hurt when someone salted a wound it was a permanent scar even if the child transition it was never going to leave. Why was she doing this. If she was doing this it meant that I had the operation hot tears fell down my eyes. But I stopped them. “Mahmen, what are you doing? I left him because he was still asleep and you are pouring salt on him. Get the hell away from my young” She seethed, mother who had been poked one too many times. She looked as if she was about to kill her, “You come near my son again and so help me scribe I will send you to the Fade myself” “He is nothing more than a defect he will always be weak. What if he can’t hold this heart either” “That is for the scribe Virgin to describe not for you, or do you claim to have that power” she stared my grandmahmen down, “Get out” My Mahmen was with me in a second as she looked at the wound, “My bunny, I am sorry” she called the nurse to dress my wound again. “Rest now let your body do the healing it needs. She won’t hurt you again” #EndSolo #Tobecontinued

The Defect [Part One]

#TheDefect #Solo #ISBDB #partOne #Flashback I was a weak young when my mother had me, for someone who was meant to be from a strong race I seemed to be the most uncoordinated young and the problems I had didn’t help. I had something wrong with my heart. They had hoped that it would sort itself out by the time I was transitioned- my Grandmahmen wished it with all her heart. She would see me fall or hold my chest and she would stare at me with cold eyes. It got worse the bigger I became and the weaker I became in her eyes. It all came to a head when I was about five. I had been having a nightmare when I got out of bed my little Spider-Man pyjamas a little too big for me with my bunny that my Mahmen had brought me for my birthday that now had been coming with me wherever, another thing my grandmahmen hated. When I plodded down the stairs I could hear my Mahmen and my grandmahmen’s voice in a discussion as I was about to walk through the door. I was hoping to have some warm milk the way my Mahmen always made it when I couldn’t sleep. I froze as I made out who they were talking about .. me... “He is not what we expected when you brought him here Sicily” she spoke about me to my Mahmen one day, “But what did you expect when you had him out of wedlock” I stood with my teddy one my Mahmen has brought me for my birthday I was about five years of age, “He is a defect one you should have gotten rid off when you had the chance when we told you to” “Mahmen, He is my son. I know you do not understand what it was like for me, to become with young when I wasn’t mated. But he is my son, he is mine and you have no right to tell me that he is not part of this family. He is your blooded Grandson” my Mahmen never lost her temper she never did to me that I could remember. “He is mine. Now kindly do not speak about him like that in my presence” My grandmahmen bite her lip but when my mother was not about she would call me the defect. So all my life that was what I was. I knew that was the moment she forgot that I was just a small young who wanted to be loved not anything more. A young who didn’t have a father to love him. Whenever my Mahmen allowed me to go and stay with her Mahmen I would be greeted with a kiss and a mess of my curls but that was then it as soon as my Mahmen went to do her business. I was left with her. I was six when I had my first real turn, the pain swelled in my chest as I was helping cook cookies with my Mahmen and grandmahmen. “Mahmen” I screamed holding on. “Chase, baby what’s wrong?” She looked panicked as I fell limply into her arms. “Oh look he’s having a turn” my grandmahmen snarled. “Get the doctor now” my mother screamed cradling me, “It’s okay my boy. You stay with me you here me. The fade cannot have you yet” she rocked me gently. I took deep breaths. I just wanted the pain to stop. #EndOfPartOne

Don’t tell me No

#Donttellmeno #solo #ISBDB I turned after my work out from the gym with the female feeling very frustrated more than I was when I got in there. She had that effect on me she must know it. But I still could not help the smile that played on my lips as I thought of her. As I walked out I was stopped by one of the males in the programme. “She will never be yours, you know” he snarled towards me. I hated this Male the second I laid eyes on him. Always thinking he was better than everyone else. He had noble blood and he would not care who knew about it. “I do not know what you are talking about” play it coy I could not allow another one of them know how I felt about the female. How she played on my mind. If they knew a weakness they would pounce on me. And in turn on her, that I could not have. I would keep her safe even if she did not know how I felt. “Bullshit, you reek of sexual frustration if you know what is good for you, you will keep it in your pants. She is not yours to take. She is not anyone’s to take” he was staking his claim well he could fuck right off. He had no right. No right at all to tell me how I was supposed to feel not one bit. I would kick his ass if he so much as looked at her in the wrong way. Possessive yes.. she was mine. The sooner she realised that and stopped fighting it the better, then I had every right to kick his scrawny ass. “I appreciate the concern but kindly stay the fuck out of my business I have a shower I need to have” I turned on my heels and slammed my quarters door. I had not realised that my hands were balled into fists until I saw the marks on my hand. One day I was going to punch this Male squarely in the face if he ever disrespected my female like that. Because that is what she was she was mine. I would kill whoever claimed she was not. As I placed the shower on I placed to go scolding I needed to calm myself from going out there and telling everyone that I did have feelings for her. It was not my time yet. I would wait patiently I was here for the long haul. She would see that eventually. I imagined her pressed against me in this small cubicle I explored her body inch by inch. I would wash the small of her back and kiss the scars she had every last one away. It would be great when I could finally do that to her. Make her feel good, make her feel treasured like she was always made to feel, the hollow mask she wore was cracking and I was sure I would be the one to break it down eventually. She just needed to let me in for a while. #EndSolo

I am not throwing away my shot

#IamNotThrowingAwayMyShot #Solo #ISBDB [scenes of a mature nature- sexual themes mentioned] I moved towards the gym with a sense of purpose the female had been playing on my mind since the moment I walked into the programme, she had an aurora that I knew could either bring me to my knees or drive me to be better. It was ridiculous but my Mahmen knew before I did that I was falling for her.. She would drop the females into conversation. I would dismiss her. I was not here to fall in love. I was here to train. This was my shot to prove that I was better than they all gave me credit for. Slamming the door open as I walked into the gym. She was there, of course she was, for fuck sake every time I moved she was not far behind. It was as if she was tempting me with her body, her scent all the while knowing I can never have her, never taste her. It was maddening. Walking passed her without giving her a second glance I moved to the weights, nothing like pumping iron to calm the ranging hard on that was now going on in my pants. I could do this.. one.. two.. three.. I closed my eyes to concentrate when I opened them she stood over me, her hair framing her face. “You need someone to spot you, Chase” she looked me directly in the eyes, well there went my resolve. “You know it can be dangerous if you don’t do it right” “Speaking from experience?” I quipped back. I had been doing weights on my own since I came into this programme and never had I had an accident. I suppose I could now with her so close. “Look I am trying to help” Help if she wanted to help she could crawl up against me and take me. Right on this work bench we could have a work out all of our own, no weights needed just the moans of pleasure and me bringing her to heights that she had only imagined. I would have her riding me like her life depended on it. In truth her life did depend on it. I knew I could have her moaning for me, begging me to take her or would it be me doing the begging? I was not sure but she would be worth the begging if that I was what it took. The air changed in the gym the second she stood above me, if I spotted for her she would see the tent that has takes a prominent position in my tent, I needed to move to create the space between us, I needed to play nice if I was going to get it through this work out I needed to stop staring at her breasts, in the coolness of the gym her nipples were poking against her tank top. I needed to stop looking and imagining myself taking those into my mouth, sucking, licking and making her cry out. I sat up taking some water, this would calm me down for now, I would play nice or attempt to, I knew as soon as I was out of here I would need to jerk one off imagining her pretty little mouth wrapped around my straining hard cock, she would make me see stars and then I would do the same for her. “Look I appreciate it. I could use the help” I nodded, it was not easy to ask for help but it would make her feel as if she was needed, and if that made her stop breaking for a bit than I was willing to lose some of my masculinity for it. However, if anyone else walked in I would deny I ever needed any help. However no one else would walk in, this was the time of night where it was only me in the gym.... usually but tonight I had the company of this female. I liked the quiet of working out alone but this evening I would take her anyway I could get. This was my shot to make her believe she was needed and I was not going to throw away my shot. #EndSolo

Introduction solo #ISBDB

#IWriteSinsNotTragedies Keep out of the way is what my Mahmen always used to tell me, little did I know it was because she never truly wanted me to be seen by the man who gave me life. My mothers and fathers relationship was not the most conventional, she was not mated to the Male. He had a shellan somewhere else in Caldwell from what I could make out and would visit my mother twice a year? I should have been angry at my Mahmen but it was the lot she was dealt and how could I be mad at the female who gave me life. So I would hide under the stairs playing with a wooden horse that she had given me quietly until the Male left. After he was gone she would always hold me a little tighter as if I was their connection. I never asked questions it was better that way. The day I came home to tell my Mahmen about the opportunity of getting into the Blackdagger Brotherhood training programme I saw her pale slightly. Her eyes glazed, was this a normal reaction to a Mahmen finding out that your son was going to try and put himself in the front line. That was a two decades after my transition one that was not the easiest. I had a job I was working for a artist in town but it did not give me the fulfilment I wanted. I wanted to help as many families who I had grown up with had been killed by the war that had been going on for as long as anyone could remember. There was not enough aristocratic blood left, they would welcome a fatherless shadow. I was accepted by the King himself after I had been through a gruelling interview process which included me falling on my ass a few times and gaining countless bruises along the way. But I was going to prove that a shadow of a man could make it into the brotherhood. Chase son of No one would make it into the brotherhood if it was my last breath. That was five years ago and still I was a trainee in the brotherhood but have been on the field. My Mahmen still worries I know this every-time I speak to her on the phone after being moved into the compound after an attack at my own home. The are you eating enough? Sleeping? Have you met someone? You never see me anymore. I knew I had been avoiding going home until I had news that would make her proud. So she wouldn’t feel as if I had put myself in danger for nothing. Then there was her.. a female who I would not speak off, I could hardly get through a sentence without making a fool of myself. I kept to the shadows watching her, keeping an eye on her every step she made. She was doing a good job at painting a perfect mask but I saw the cracks showing even if every one else in this place did not. But I guess that was what happened when you were in the shadows, the rest of them had lives and their own pain to be dealing with they just didn’t have time to see hers. I did however and I would make sure that the pain would not be there for long. #EndSolo

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