Sometimes I just wish I could exist a little bit more. My brain seems broken.
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@cheerstotheliving
Sometimes I just wish I could exist a little bit more. My brain seems broken.
Cotton land.
“We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.”
— Anais Nin
“Spend your free time the way you like, not the way you think you’re supposed to.”
— Susan Cain
“Always be a little unexpected.”
— Oscar Wilde
“Keep your dreams alive. Understand to achieve anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, hard work, determination, and dedication. Remember all things are possible for those who believe.”
— Gail Devers
“We build too many walls and not enough bridges.”
— Isaac Newton
“I’m not a rebound girl. I’m not here for you just when you need me and then kicked to the curb when you don’t.”
—
Why does every guy use me as their rebound girl?
I’m so fucking stupid.
I HATE MYSELF.
Why do I always end up getting hurt?
Because I let myself.
I actually believed him.
He told me those sweet things every girl wants to hear.
But in the end it was all a lie.
A joke to him.
A game.
I was a rebound girl.
No. Not a rebound.
I was his stupid fucking toy doll.
The Rebound Girl
I know it’s terrible to say it, since I have no regrets about any of the relationships I’ve been in, but I can’t help but think that I’m always the rebound girl. It’s an ugly trend and it’s made me feel pretty terrible at times, because I wish for once I could be someone’s first choice, instead of always being the one they find when they’re hurt and down. Especially now…why can’t it ever be just happy and simple?
Carnival (the one about being the rebound girl)
It’s 2:17 am and you’re on my mind;
Thinking about the ups and downs of the emotional roller coaster that I’ve spent the whole day in line for; And about how she always had a spot in the front of the line;
Even when she’s absent;
Leaving you to rust as she indulges in fluffy pink cotton candy;
Jumping on every other ride while you wait;
Shut down in a theme park full of willing riders;
Because none of us have ever been able to get to the front of the line;
And sure, I’ve spent my fair share of time admiring other rides;
Shinier, newer, but never quite as promising;
And while you waited for her;
I waited for you;
Making friends with the clowns that pass by;
I even left a couple times to ride the teacups;
Only to come back dizzy and miserable;
And find that your line is just as long;
Stretching out for miles behind her and your doubt;
And at the end of the day;
When she finally comes back to the line; She rides;
And I’m left to stand, holding the stuffed bear he won for her;
But tell me;
Do you really think that when the park closes for the night;
She’ll really be back in line?; or will it just be me?;
Miles and miles behind our doubts;
It’s 2:18 am and my head is on your chest;
Listening to the heart that mine beats for.
Rebound effects only works in basketball, not in relationship.
I wonder if men really get the concept AT ALL of letting themselves take time to heal and become whole again before they start dating someone new. I mean… do any guys get this, or is this just another example of how women are much more intelligent and decent than men?
I wrote about my brother a little while back…. how he’d been dating this girl for 2 whole years, how he had talked about proposing to her… I’m pretty sure they must have talked about getting married a lot. I guess he’d even looked at rings at one point. Then they have like… a trial separation or something…. they were “taking time off”, but they still really loved each other and thought maybe they could get back together. Within a month he had made out with two random girls, and when I told him how much that would hurt Jessica and how it wasn’t very fair to the new girls, and I asked him WHY, he said “I guess I just wanted to feel desirable.” So lame.
Then yesterday, so just like a month and a half after breaking up with this girlfriend of two years, who he said he was heartbroken over, he brings a new girlfriend with my family to church and Easter brunch. And she’s cute and seems nice and all, but part of me is wondering if he hasn’t been open with HER about the fact that he JUST came out of this long term serious relationship, and I think if she knows that and is putting herself into a relationship with him anyway then she’s just not smart at all. And I’m watching him with her today and he is telling her she is cute and they hold hands at one point and I see him give her a kiss on the cheek. These things communicate to a girl that you really like them, as does inviting a girl to a family gathering on a holiday. But I am just wanting to grab his shoulders and shake him and say, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! This isn’t healthy! What about healing? What about figuring out who you are outside of a relationship? What about just giving your heart and head a little bit of time to regroup? This is so stupid for you and for her!”
And at one point I have this conversation with my mother, when my brother and the girlfriend are in another car, and as I’m talking I’m clearly projecting my feelings about my ex’s new relationship onto my brother’s new relationship (there are some obvious parallels), my mom is actually defending him. She says. “Well I think this girl started to pursue him.” HELLO flashback to exactly the same thing that my ex’s mother said to me. What’s up with mother’s defending their baby boys when they are being assholes to women? Then my mom says, “Well, he’s dating her to help him get over Jessica.” as if this is reasonable and okay behavior. So then I explode, “Oh so he is USING her. I see. He is using her to try to distract himself from the serious relationship he has not had time to recover from at all. WHY is that okay?” So then my mom didn’t have an answer. And I just felt sorry for my brother, who is clearly going to have all this emotional baggage crap that he is going to bottle up and maybe never work through that is going to keep him all screwed up and assholey maybe forever, and I’m sorry for the dumb girl who is stupidly getting into a relationship with a guy on the rebound who still has a lot of feelings and hurt from his ex.
So yeah, just wondering if this “taking time to heal and get over someone before giving your heart away again” thing is something that is TOTALLY alien to the male psyche? Like, have they never heard of it before, or do they think that is just something for girls? And why the heck aren’t their mothers calling them out on their crap instead of defending them so they can continue thinking the way they treat womens’ hearts is okay?
“Now I understand why you dont want to talk about the future. Now I understand why when we talk about her you act immature. Now I understand why you made me waited for years and stale, because the love we had is fake and not a fairy tale.”
—
- Confessions of a Rebound Girl
http://confessionsofareboundgirl.tumblr.com/
Just goin 4 a lil stroll wit my demons🚶🏼♀️👀