*Disclaimer: These are just my thoughts. What you are about to read is not required of anyone, and may not be for you! Just opinions from yours truly, TheVirgoDoll.
In this day and age, it is, seemingly, rare to come across examples of black women who are perceived as graceful and poised, rather than aggressive and mean due to oppressive ideals.
So many people put white women on a pedestal of ultra femininity, grace, and poise. I’m sick of the implications that black women somehow naturally lack those things, so I have laid out examples disputing the fact.
I want to promote black women in a positive light, that’s all!
A woman with poise is someone who exudes a warm sense of confidence.
Let’s begin with the textbook definition of poise.
Poise - n. graceful and elegant bearing in a person.
Examples of this would be:
Clair Huxtable (Phylicia Rashad) of “the Cosby Show” (analyzing the FICTIONAL character only, not affiliation with real life actor Bill Cosby)
Aaliyah, late R&B singer and actress
Olivia Pope (Kerry Washington) of “Scandal”
Dominique Deveraux (Diahann Carroll) of Dynasty (1980s)
So how would one mimic these examples of poise in day to day life? Here are four tips that I have come up with, and that I use on a day to day basis.
As far as this fictional character, you never caught her slippin.
When anyone was out of order when speaking to them, there was always a witty response, rather than vengeful.
See Clair Huxtable’s response to a misogynistic comment in her home for an example on composure. She was graceful, while putting Elvin in his place. Gathered him, read him for filth, all while keeping her composure. Not a tear shed, and not a hair out of place.
You would never be confused when these women speak. There’s no insecure mumbling involved, and their words are never delivered too quickly. It’s always at the right pace.
I’ve always admired Aaliyah’s speaking voice. It’s clear and gentle. She also enunciated every time she was in an interview.
See two of my favorite Aaliyah speaking examples: x, x.
3. Carry yourself with dignity and pride.
Posture is everything with a woman with poise. Being musically trained as a child, I always had to sit on the edge of my seat, with my back straight. I applied this posture to my walking stride and it has paid off tremendously.
Your walk means everything with how you carry yourself.
Keeping your arms to your sides when practicing your walk. Helps if you are carrying your purse!
Never walking too quickly, or too slowly. Too quickly compromises your walk, too slowly makes you try too hard. This ain’t a slo mo.
Remember Cheetah Girls “Strut”? Strut like you mean it, for real, but do not look like the girls from middle school switching your butt too hard.
Maintain good back posture, elongate, and the rest will follow. Once you have your posture down, be sure to hold your head up high. My momma always told me to never look down at the ground. Ever. No matter what happened that day.
Act like your neck is coming out of a turtle shell. That’s something that Tyra says. If you are sulking, it will not be read as a woman who knows she is one of a kind.
Olivia Pope. Walking proudly in heels every day too (not a requirement). If you haven’t watched Scandal, Kerry was groundbreaking as a black woman on Primetime.
4. Work on your confidence!
Lastly, your self confidence that comes from within will do most of the work for you. When you’re confident within yourself, you will naturally embody the qualities YOU value.
Dress and look your best. It helps, even when you don’t feel your best. Whatever that means for you. For me, that means some natural makeup: gloss, minimal eye makeup, foundation, and blush. And I use my small jewelry pieces to compliment this, such as my silver Tiffany necklace.
Look at how Dominique looks her best, and acts her best, despite being faced with an enemy.
Look at how confident Halle Berry was this night. Ignore Leno being gross.
Poise, sophistication, and class!
