Blessed beautiful evening. <3 Having a repressed crush on a guy whose name kind of appears in your syllabus and lectures fairly common as a noun and concept is so funny like what Oh Gorsh Goully. It’s my husband. named. reads notes. um. The point in a case that determines the judgement.
Flooded by assignments but blessed beautiful mornings, all. <3 I didn’t get time to properly interact or check in with people that day so, playing my part now. I do hope everyone has been well. <3
There is love and there is lust and then there is looking at a man and feeling like you’re doing something wrong. Feeling like a little kid with its first crush — a sort of embarrassment that is laced with no guilt or fear but this sort of vulnerability that makes you flush red. A warmth you can’t quite place your finger on but it feels so safe and almost intoxicating really; a drunkness you assume only the cherubs must experience with their flushed, rotund cheeks so red and soft. Sometimes it feels like wanting to hide your face into a pillow because you’ve been reminded of your humble mortality and your weakness and it’s not bad, no, in fact it’s so raw and so genuine that it feels so good. Like the first harvest of the season. A new beginning, a new sparkle in your eyes. A new yearning. A new reason to cry not rooted in grief or loss but this unmistakeable melancholy that comes with this adoration because it’s so massive and so much and you’re so small and insignificant and it’s just so, so much for you, and you don’t know what to do with it. Just a speck in the universe. And you don’t know where to find the answer because they don’t teach you this in school and your family never warns you of this and it’s almost violent in how natural it is, like a slab of meat in a pool of blood. Its disturbing how it sickens you with its intensity but It’s so freeing and it’s everything and nothing and suddenly you feel so happy to be alive. You can’t look at him and you can’t think of him and you can’t speak his name but the thought of him fills you with childlike glee and wonder. Do you get it
WWHAT?? OH MY GOODNESS WELCOME BACK! i hope you’re doing well! the news about your exam scores is wonderful, and i dearly hope you’ve been able to take care of yourself
you don’t have to answer this ask on this account! i’m excited to see the new one if you share it, but i just wanted you to know that you’ve genuinely never left my heart! you’re a great friend, and v dear to me, every now nd then with everyone i just wish for the the best
I hope you’ve been taking good care of yourself in a similar root! You and the rest certainly never left my heart either and it is no less of a joy to be back and able to relish in the radiance of everyone’s affections; whether it be the community’s towards its members or towards their beloveds. I hope you’ve been well similarly! <3
Blessed best mornings, all! Every reunion is sweet and tender; indeed it may be seen as a simple frolic in the garden of memories, or the soul returning to a body left in the sands of time past, but it is better to see it as a rebirth; a door to new opportunities and joys.
What I mean is, I’m deeply sorry for my absence; ended up going through a bit of a depressive episode but! The results of the exams came in and I actually topped in my campus; got posted on the school social media for it too, haha. Uhm... Also I’m moving accounts I’ve decided! And I have a new F/O. ! Same game… um, also he has existed for quite some time now !
Thinking of adding a new name to my collection, though Lapis will remain primary. Current prominent contenders are Liegia, Carnelia, Coquina, and also my 2nd birth name, Rabiya. Thoughts?
Thinking of adding a new name to my collection, though Lapis will remain primary. Current prominent contenders are Liegia, Carnelia, Coquina, and also my 2nd birth name, Rabiya. Thoughts?
there is nothing aventurine can pay to hear saint's voice, except maybe his love and attention.
At late hours, when Saint had the hotel to herself, she sometimes put on headphones to take care of her more menial tasks. It allowed her to enjoy a moment of peace; a world to herself. On rare occasions, she would sing under her breath, drawn into the melody of the music. If it was one of Robin's songs, she couldn't help but sing along with gusto, forever enchanted by her cousin's voice and the joyful memories they shared even across radio waves.
On one of these evenings, it just happened that Aventurine was out wandering the halls in order to tire himself out. By fate or fortune, he heard the elated sound of his beloved lady's voice and was compelled to draw nearer. At the bottom of a staircase, he listened as the music notes fell softly on his ears like a shy drizzle in the middle of the day.
When he brought this up to her the next day, the blush on her face crept all the way up to her ears. She was stunned into silence for a good while before Aventurine prodded, "I didn't know you could sing. Does it run in the family or something?"
Saint offered a derisive little laugh, her wings curling in to hide her face slightly. "I was… in a youth choir when I was young. Actually, Robin and I both were. We and some other children from The Family would sing devotional hymns to the Harmony every week. It just happens that she pursued singing as a career, while I fell out of love with it."
"You… stopped singing? May I ask why?" At the crushed look on Saint's face, Aventurine regretted asking, but his nosiness was too strong to let him backpedal.
Saint only sighed. "…Every time I sang, it felt like a miracle from Xipe. I really believed in every word of those songs The Family wrote for us. But if THEY heard our voices, and THEY grant forgiveness and compassion to all beings… then why have I never felt THEIR gaze? Why am I unhappy now, with my only family members gone away from me? What good is a voice no one will listen to?"
She clenched her fists, and Aventurine saw a shadow pass over her usually calm expression--one he recognized in himself and saw in the mirror many times. Then she shook her head, and it settled into a tepid despair. "Anyway, that's the gist of it. Besides, my singing isn't great or anything. Never got into any talent shows."
Aventurine's forehead creased with concern. "That's quite a shame." And then he added, "I think you have a lovely voice."
Thankfully, this lured her smile back to the surface, albeit a bashful one. But he could still see how these feelings troubled her. It was like a mirror of his own past--the two of them adrift and helpless under the aloof gaze of gods.
Aventurine couldn't help but see it again and again, whenever there was music playing. That restlessness in her body, like Saint so badly wanted to sing along but refused to let herself. It hurt him to see, but he couldn't begrudge her either.
It was only on a particularly morose night that he felt selfish enough to ask. She knelt beside him in bed and stroked his hair, scratching his scalp gently the way he liked, and he looked up at her and her gently bobbing wings like she was an angel he didn't deserve.
"Can you sing for me?" he muttered. "Just a little, please?"
Saint had the grace to only widen her eyes a little, and he wondered if she knew he would ask someday. She considered silently for a while. He thought she would say no. Then, "…Do you wanna know a lullaby? Sunday and Robin know it too, 'cause our mother sang it to us."
Aventurine thought of how little he remembered of his own mother and nodded. Saint cleared her throat delicately and curled up around him, cradling his head in her arms.
In her protective embrace, her voice blanketed him in quiet, hesitant refrains. A song he had never heard from a time of disaster and love, past comforting past. He was aware of his muscles uncoiling, leaving him more relaxed than he felt in years. It wasn't the numbness of bodily exhaustion, but true peace. Distantly, he recognized this as emotional resonance: a Halovian's ability to share and partake in others' feelings. Saint professed to be a poor hand at it, owing to her own clumsiness. Or was it the Harmony, channeled through her after years of unrequited devotion?
Either way, he swore he felt it. In this moment, in any when they were alone together and feeling close to each other. Her sweet, honest feelings reaching deep into his rarified soul, banishing Nihility's shadow and understanding what lay beneath "Aventurine". It was frankly uncanny. He went to great lengths to make sure no one saw those twisted, painful feelings of his.
On this night, any thoughts of fear or shame simply passed like leaves in a stream. Each moment made him too blissful to think. His eyelids grew heavy, and he tried very hard to keep them open so he could keep listening to her. Her voice was a scarcity, and he hung on her every word until he finally couldn't stay awake any longer.
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