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in a sense, iβm a semi-nihilist, n somewhat of a responsible hedonist
suffering from high intellect will give you moments of clearity when you least expect it. the problem is that i dismiss my problems n root the dismissal on my nihilistic mindset
in my mind, a hedonist should always strive to do whateva pleases em. thatβs true hedonism; that bein said, when i say iβm a βresponsible hedonistβ, iβm sayin i do whateva pleases me but iβm cautious enough to not damage the lives of those around me
this fusion of traits causes me to feel like iβm foreva playin chess w/ people on a transcending level. i always have an aim, an angle, even when i claim i dont
my constant, uncontrollable desire to omit the truth n move in the dark contrasts my regular energy/behavior. iβm perceived as a funny, hood dude w/ moments of intellectuality that go unnoticed
in reality i foreva wanna be in my vices. i crave revenge, i wanna see people who hurt me suffer twice as bad. iβve developed fetishes revolving around bein intimate w/ things that arenβt mine. to me the ultimate feelin is fuckin some niggas shorty n tell not a soul bout it
even when it comes to more intimate relationships i get into. i say things like βi didnβt do all this to please you. i did this cuz it makes you feel good, which in turn, makes me feel good. i really did this for myselfβ
every relationship i have w/ people in general has to be symbiotic or parasitical to my benefit. i have no real feelins towards anythin that doesnβt allow me to gain
this means that everyone to me lies on a spectrum that isnβt bias towards status to me. meanin friend, enemy, family all lie on the same plane. that bein said iβm disconnected w/ family entirely n i can count all my friends on 1 hand w/ fingers missin. all cuz i gain nothin
itβs lonely at the top, but itβs jus as lonely at the bottom
my biggest flaw is the same flaw that most high intellect, low motor people have. that flaw bein that we LIE to ourselves constantly. thereβs times where we can see the end before it starts. we see a different version of the same person we know
people will say things like βdamn son, you figure people out quickβ when in reality iβve met this typa person so many times ova the course of my short life. it take the light out of everyone you wanna be close to
the end will foreva justify the means. idc if i have to step ova the corpses of my closest family n friends to get to where i need to, but i will
my ability to weasel my way out of a mess is attributed to always bein put on immeasurable social pressure. the constant mayhem thatβs my childhood forced me to lie n appease to survive a moment. itβs neva a matter of IF sum was gonna happen, itβs a matter of WHEN. iβm always on my toes, always prepared to deny deny deny
ellievsbear
snowghoul
turnnoffyourmind
gummygunk
vaporwave
titsay
s-u-f-j-a-n-s-t-e-v-e-n-s
