chloro

he/they #1 kubbi fan banner from Kubbi, pfp from 1AMWolfram

[chlorotter]

i love music dude please talk to me about music i enjoy music and love it and cherish it and I'm thankful that it exists. complementary ChipWIN cover art:

update 1: here is my last.fm: https://www.last.fm/user/Chlorotter

expect me to listen to songs on loop. a lot. and to delete sleep scrobbles. if i listen to anything from like 12-6 AM EST on weekdays it's likely while sleeping and going to get deleted later.

update 2: now using the "#thoughts from the trash can" tag for any random rambling posts i make and the "#tunes from the trash can" tag for when i am talking about music

update 3: also i am not saying "please talk to me about music" ironically i 100% mean that i am desperate to have people talk to me about music

update 4: the Kubbi banner is from his 2018 album Taiga

update 5: removed most of update 4 because i don't need to do all of that

update 6: the PFP is my ferret sona Denver that i commissioned from 1amwolfram

[chlorotter]

Been feeling so Bastille lately idk why. The Draw would make a great animation also

[chlorotter]

DON'T YOU WORRY 'BOUT YOUR BAD DREAMS

'CAUSE I'M NOT IN THEM

[chlorotter]

I don't wanna tag my posts and I haven't been lately

[chlorotter]

oh boy a new twig video! time to watch this! wow, Two Door Cinema Club! i love What You Know by Two Door Cinema Club!

i then proceed to scroll into the comments and it appears that people ONLY know that song from them and i am yet again reminded that listening to the full discography of a one hit wonder is not the norm. WHYYYY please everyone go enjoy the other songs by musicians that you only know for a few songs... you will find more peak

[chlorotter]

I can't handle my own feelings at times and I don't appreciate how my problems are brushed off so now I just don't tell anyone anything even if I should because I get the feeling it will be ignored again. Going to bury my face in my fluffy pillow and sleep now

[chlorotter]

in the bastille, straight up survivin' it... and by it, heh, let's just say "shame"

[chlorotter]

Haven't been tagging my posts also but it changes nothing so I guess it doesn't matter

[chlorotter]

Like when I log onto tumblr normally I have some concept of the rant I wanna go on (and it goes off the rails anyway) but right now I don't. I am feeling too many things. And I don't know ehich one is most important to write about? I'm bad at describing feelings and this sucks. And also some of the feelings are manifesting physically I think because I feel like I'm going to throw up but I can't. I thought I'd feel better by now but instead everything feels worse even when nothing that's happening is as bad (not nothing, some things are still bad). And I don't get that because ??? Yeah almost everything causing me to feel horrible is gone for the time, but I guess the looming sense of terror that casts its shadow over me itself inflicts these feelings, all it takes is the knowledge that everything will be terrible again. I think 2026 is my record year for THOSE thoughts and ideations (you know what I mean). I would never do it but it's hard not to think about frequently. And I feel like I'm too happy lately to be having those thoughts but they happen anyway and I don't get it??? What is going on with me

Anyway back to the usual persona of chiptune-listening furry nerd that loves writing and away from the occasional rant persona of autistic person that is sick of so many things in their life

[chlorotter]

I have too many feelings right now and it feels wrong

[chlorotter]

As a reminder I am still obsessed with Sekaiju and do still have a lot of OCs but also I refuse to verify my Roblox accounts (and also I don't play Roblox anymore anyway I only really logged on at any point just for Sekaiju). any and all Sekaiju OCs from this point forward are either just ones I already have or made based on the wiki (MIRAHEZE!!!) rather than the game itself. Other note, idk who the person behind stuff like TreeBoard or SaltNymph was but since they've been removed from the game my OCs for those two will no longer be a thing out of respect and whatnot. hopefully it was just someone that wanted their work removed peacefully and not a controversial figure, but idk who it was and i will not be joining the sekaiju discord or any other social media to figure it out.

[chlorotter]

it's time to spend a night in the woods

[chlorotter]

Something something mustelids because I don't have anything relevant to say anymore (not that I did in the first place)

[chlorotter]

okay one deltarune chapter 5 was crazy

two i got a commission of my sona for new pfp from 1amwolfram (they're a great artist and youtuber check them out and their open species)

[chlorotter]

oh also NO MORE SOCIAL MEDIA UNTIL I HAVE SOLVED ALL OF CHAPTER 5 BY MYSELF :)

[chlorotter]

okay okay i'm doing just fine and dandy now! uhhh GO MY MUSIC REC!!!

Xinon has made plenty of chiptune bangers, and here are a few more!!!

[chlorotter]

chiptune simultaneously brings me bliss and makes me feel so isolated that i can't help but have terrible thoughts about myself thanks stupid genre that nobody likes that isn't me apparently. and like "haha yeah it's so weird and obscure" and i act like it doesn't hurt to be made fun of for my music taste at points since it's my fault anyway for being open about what i listen to when i knew that nobody else would relate and i knew that it'd just be another thing that nobody would care about. and nobody anywhere except for places dedicated to chiptune seems to take it seriously when i talk about it and i just wish that i could have taste in music and be open about it while simultaneously actually getting any respect for it because i now feel it's necessary to lie and act like i listen to more "normal" music like Saint Motel or Two Door Cinema Club which i do but it's not like that stuff is my whole taste or as important to me as Kubbi's music will ever be and i just hate that i seemingly cannot enjoy anything slightly out of the ordinary ever without it being a problem and i have felt so weirdly alone lately which i shouldn't because i have so many people to go to all the time but it's all stemmed from that one trip a few months back because ever since then i've felt so isolated and whenever i talk to my one "friend" i realize that i can't tell if he actually likes me or not and i think that that trip made it worse and there were only two people there i actually felt comfortable with and the rest made me feel like i shouldn't have been there and should've just opted out and i don't know why i can never fit in with an actual group i'll always just be that extra person that's pushed off to the side when my friends are in their real groups and it happens all the time because i'm not part of a specific clique or friend group i'm just the weird one that most people know but don't know much about personally and even my closest friends have so many closer friends than me and interact with them so much more and i don't know why i fail to be normal and socially acceptable at every turn. it's not for a lack of trying i've put probably too much effort in to try being accepted by larger groups of my friends' friends but it never works and i have never felt more out of place than after today's events. like even in my own family i don't feel like i fit in properly because everyone else has inside jokes and acts differently around each other even when i'm right there and supposed to be included and i don't feel like anyone there actually supports me and listens to me when i want to infodump but like i make it clear that it's the best way to support me just to listen and they still don't. everyone is too busy excluding me from everything without even trying because i fail to conform to exactly what they want and i'm certain that if i was not weird like this that i'd be happier and do better and feel motivated. i am sick of this and i will stop writing here because this is already an incoherent mess and it's past 2 in the morning for me and i feel physically sick now too and i don't know why i write all of this anyway as if anyone actually reads these vents like if you do, please like my posts or something at least because it does make me feel better to know that i am not screaming into a void and that there are actually people that care enough to take the time to read these vents i make every few weeks (days? idk). even if you're all internet strangers i've realized that these do actively make me feel worse when they get no engagement because it reinforces the feeling that people don't care when i know that's not the actual reason but my brain doesn't want to work with logic when it comes to my emotions because emotions are inherently irrational okay i'm gonna stop typing. bye for now i'll probably feel better soon but i get the feeling that these problems are gonna keep compounding until i can't feel better