Why Canât You Feel That
Exhilaration, delight and happiness all of them wrapped as a giant bundle of emotions was what Dean felt in his usually carefree heart. His eyes fixated on the beauty passed out on his bed. He was still contemplating whether to tie her or not when he noticed her stir. His hand went to her face stroking her soft cheek gently. The smile on his face growing as he saw her blink trying to adjust to the light coming from the window. Dean got up and closed the curtains and came back besides her.
Shamima slowly opened her eyes and could see Dean, through her clouded vision, walking towards her and sit down besides her.
âWow now you are even invading my dreams.â She mumbled between giggles.
âGood morning beautiful.â Dean replied moving her hair away from her face.
Shamima held his hand, hoping it would slip right through her fingers, that is how dreams work, donât they. But she was surprised when she could actually feel him with her hand. She shot up rubbing her eyes and Dean was still there smiling back at her. She quickly looked around and recognized the place as being Deanâs home. All the sudden movements made her head hurt. She closed her eyes to help the throbbing relax, but all she could feel was darkness which only made her panic even more. Why couldnât she remember what happened, how did she get here, why was she in Deanâs bed? So many questions and no answers.
Wait a minute, I am in his bed. She thought as she quickly looked down at herself with horror in her eyes, seeing she was fully clothed the horror vanished but that wasnât enough for her to relax.
âD..deanâŚ.â She tried to speak but her voice was so hoarse. So Dean rushed to the kitchen and got her a bottle of water.
Shamima took the bottle and drank half of it at once causing her to cough.
âHey take it easyâ Dean said, rubbing her back.
âThanks Deanâ. Shamima responded with a smile. She moved to place the bottle on the side table, when she was hit with the memory of her last time drinking water from a bottle. It was so overwhelming she had to force her eyes shut to concentrate.
âI was at my dance studio, practicing with Renee, then I was thirsty and went to drink water, when I was handed a water bottle, I drank from it and after a while started feeling dizzy.â She was talking too fast to no one in particular.
Realization hit her. And she turned towards Dean with her mouth a gap and her eyes resembling saucers. âDid you drug me and bring me here?â
Dean was taken by surprise at the accusation, he did bring her here but never would he drug her. He opened his mouth to respond. But Shamima spoke up again, smacking herself on the head.
âHow silly of me, you werenât even there, you would never do that do me, you are my friend, friends donât do that.â She kept on with the nervous rambling. Dean came close to her and held both her hands in his, which caused her to stop talking and look up at him, with those big innocent brown eyes. Oh those fountains of chocolate, Dean could never get enough of staring at her eyes.
âI would never do such a thing to you.â He assured her. âBut you are right about one thing, I did bring you here. Thatâs because when I came over, you werenât feeling too well and couldnât even stand straight, so I offered to drop you home, but you collapsed right as we were walking out of your studio.â
Shamima tried to remember it all, she did remember seeing Dean but nothing about her not feeling well. She kept quiet and looked at him. So he continued.
âI got worried seeing you like that, so I carried you to my car. Then I had to decide whether to drop you home or bring you here. So finally I decided to bring you here where I could look after you easily.â Dean was rubbing circles with his thumbs on the back of Shamimaâs hands which made her calm down a lot.
âThank you for everythingâ Shamima responded squeezing his hands. Dean smiled at her sincerely. Her stomach started to grumble right on cue causing her cheeks to turn a bright shade of red with embarrassment, she bit her lip nervously. "How long have I been unconscious?â She asked curiously.
âWe came home yesterday afternoon and now it's afternoon again todayâ. Responded Dean.
âOh no, what about my studio, who would be looking after it, and my students what about them, they had an important dance practice today. I need to goâ. Shamima answered while getting up, instantly regretting it, as her head started spinning. She held her head with one hand and with the other reached out to Dean and placed her hand on his shoulder for support.
He helped her sit down. "Shami, stop worrying about everything, I will ask Seth to check on your studio he's there at the gym today and I have made lunch for us, so you should go ahead and freshen up while I get the table readyâ.
Shamima smiled at her nickname as she started walking to the bathroom but taking slow steps "I didn't know you could cook"
âHey I am no Gordon Ramsey, but I know a thing or twoâ. Dean yelled back from the kitchen.
After they had their lunch/dinner, they sat down to watch some TV. Shamima had to check on her studio so she called her friend and partner, Roni, she was extremely worried about her and bombarded Shamima with question, not wanting to worry her more she told Roni that she was sick that's why didn't come today, they talked a little more and when Shamima hung up the phone she was relieved that everything was fine over there.
Sitting on the couch she noticed Dean was deep in thought. "Everything ok?" She asked.
Dean looked at her with an unreadable expression "Do you remember anything about who handed you the water bottle?"
âDean I ...â she started to answer but Dean interrupted her.
âCuz I swear when I find out who it was I'm gonna kick their assâ.
Shamima laughed at him, but Dean looked at her with a dead serious expression and she realized he wasn't joking. "It's not a big deal Dean, maybe I wasn't drugged, and maybe the water was just bad or something"
âAre you kidding me, no big deal? How can you even say that? You were out cold for almost 24 hours; I didnât even know what to do. Do you know how frustrating that is?â Dean responded, getting angrier by the second.
Shamima got worried at his sudden outburst like that. She had never seen him like that, he was usually very calm and cool.
âLook at me; I am fine now, completely alrightâ. Shamima chose her words carefully. âSpeaking of being fine, I think I should be heading home now.â
âNO!!! You canât leave.â Dean almost yelled at which Shamima flinched, a flicker of fear passing through her face. Dean rubbed his face and took a deep breath, âI mean you should rest a little more. I will take you to your place or studio in the morning.â He forced a smile, not to further scare her.
Shamima was thinking of an answer when she could see Dean trying to scratch his shoulder, it was an old habit of his, whenever he felt uneasy or annoyed he would do that. She didnât want to further anger him so she agreed reluctantly.
Dean took her to the guest room and left after bidding her good night. Shamima stayed awake till midnight, she couldnât sleep, she kept thinking about everything that happened in the last 24 hours of her life. But eventually her mind felt exhausted and she fell asleep.
She woke early next morning, the first thing she noticed was Dean sitting on the chair in the corner of the room, it seemed like he was pulling at his hair and groaning something. She got worried and tried to get off the bed. But felt a sharp tug at her right foot, she looked down and saw it cuffed to the bed post.
She panicked and started pulling at her leg trying to get free. Dean looked up at her and rushed to the bed.
âHey, hey itâs ok, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to tie you, but you were gonna leave and I had to stop youâ.
Shamima started crying and throwing punches at his chest.
âYou....you did this to me.... you drugged me. I hate you Dean. Let me goâ.
Hearing the word hate, something snapped inside Dean, he grabbed her wrists harshly and pulled her close to himself. âYou don't really mean that. You love me like I doâ. Dean said with confidence and certainty. It wasn't a question but more of a declaration.
With that Dean left the room and came back with a plate filled of food and orange juice.
"Now eat your breakfast, and then we can watch a movie together." Dean instructed her with a smile, ignoring her tears.
âI am not hungry, I don't want to eat. Who knows how long I would be knocked out after eating this?â Shamima answered with tears streaming down her cheeks.
Dean furiously moved towards her but seeing the fear growing in her eyes he slowly sat down beside her and ran a hand on her cheek gently.
"I did not drug you before and I would not drug you ever" Dean answered through clenched teeth, forcing a smile.
"Then why am I here, tied up, in your house." Shamima fired back angrily.
Dean grabbed her from her shoulders, his features softening to the point where you could see warmth in his eyes.
âBecause I love you, and I know you love me too. Â I want you to stay with me forever.â Dean declared.
Shamima wanted to melt in his arms at his declaration but she was too hurt and angry to be thinking about that. âI don't love you, I don't even trust you anymore, I ha..."
Dean covered her mouth before she could say that vile word.
She bit the palm of his hand and Dean hissed but smiled menacingly and kissed the spot Shamima bit. He walked out the door, locking it.
Shamima lied back, wiping her tears. She looked at the plate of food and pushed it away. She felt like throwing up. Her mind was working overdrive. She had no answers and so many questions. Her heart told her Dean would never harm her, but her mind didn't want to be fooled by emotions. She had known Dean for a long enough time to trust him and to call him her best friend, 4 years was enough time...right. She tried to reassure herself. They both were work neighbors, her dance studio was right next to Deanâs gym, and they saw each other every day, talked as much time they could get; some days they would get lunch together, and dinner on others. She knew she could trust Dean with anything. But then why was this happening. She knew Dean didn't drug her, he wasn't there that day. She couldn't think of anyone who would want to hurt her in any way. Her mind kept on running wild, thinking of every possible scenario she could to explain the mess. But the only possible answer she could get was Dean did this and that was the answer her heart was still not willing to accept.
Her cell phone started ringing, as if it had a mind of its own and was here to help her. She thanked her lucky stars that it was on vibration and Dean couldn't hear it ringing.
It was Roni. Shamima took a deep breath and answered the call, keeping her voice low. âHey Roni, how are you?â
âForget about me, how are you, we have been worried about you, how are you feeling now. I wanted to call you sooner but it is busy hereâ.
âRelax Roni dear, I am just down with flu, and I didn't want anybody else to catch what I have so didn't come to the studio. You are in charge until I come backâ.
âOk boss, no worries you just take care of yourself, and leave the worrying to me. I just wish someone could spank that crazy womanâ.
Shamima chuckled. âWhat did Renee do now?â
âShe has been on the clouds since her new dance routine was selected to be the inaugural performance for the Dancing Champs competition; as a result she is being more of a pain in the ass than she ever has beenâ.
âWhat?â Shamima almost shouted. âWhen did that happen?â
âDonât you remember? You were there on Tuesday, you were happy for her to be selected. In fact you were a little too happyâ. Roni told her.
Shamima tried to think; she forced her eyes close and focused on what she could recall. Thinking specifically about Renee, and then it hit her. She was the one who handed her the bottle of water. And the selection team was supposed to come that day. So judging on what Roni told her, they did come and made their decision.
Shamima felt the need to scream or punch the wall, but she couldnât. So her anger spiked to the point where her breaths were coming hard and fast. She had worked really hard on her performance and it had all gone down the drain, thanks to the envy of Renee.
Roni could hear the labored breathing through the phone. She got worried âas the temporary boss, I give you the rest of the week off, and I will come by your place after I close it hereâ.
âNo!!!â Shamima shouted. âI mean I have a viral flu and I would hate it if you caught it tooâ. She mentally cursed herself at the need of lying, but she didnât want to tell her the truth either and get Dean in trouble. She would find a way out of this herself.
âOk, ok!!! Just relaxâ. Roni responded softly. âYou just take care of yourself and let me know if you need anythingâ.
âSure will, sweety. Thank you so muchâ. Shamima thanked her friend/employee and hung up.
She was fuming angry. She wanted to scream and cry and just curl into a ball in the corner.
Her eyes landed on the glass of orange juice placed on the side table. She grabbed it and threw it hard at the opposite wall and let out a deafening scream. As soon as the glass hit the wall she felt guilty of the mess she made. She went to get off the bed in order to clean it up, but the sharp tug at her foot, reminded her of being tied up. She groaned angrily at it.
Just then the door burst open and in came dean swinging a baseball bat, his eyes scanning the room. There was a glass shattered on one side and on the other side was a huffing Shamima who looked like she was gonna explode with anger.
Her eyes shined with unshed tears, and her face was red hot with all the anger. She saw the bat in his hand and she just lost it.
âPerfect timing Mr. Ambrose, how nice of you to grace me with your presence. You are right in time to add some fuel to the fire. Why did you bring the bat for?â Dean was shocked at her outburst, he placed the bat aside. âOh, arenât you going to hit me with it, huh. That way I could be here for a longer timeâ. Shamima had angry tears running down her face, which she was trying to rub away forcefully but the more she rubbed at her face, the more tears kept coming.
Deanâs heart broke at that. He didnât know what happened but he knew she needed him. Dean walked towards her and she tried to get away from him, but there was nowhere to go. She just sat on the bed, her face in her hands. She felt the bed dip besides her and then a strong pair of arms was holding her. He held her close to him and let her cry, with her head resting on his chest. She clutched his shirt in her fists and tried talking between tears and hiccups. Shamima told Dean everything that Roni told her and also the part where she remembered that it was Renee who had drugged her. The moment she said those words she could feel Dean stiffen. She knew he would be furious but she didnât want to lose the comfort he was providing now. So she buried herself even deeper in his arms and clung to him for dear life. Dean was stroking her hair and whispering sweet nothings in her ear. Shamima felt a bit calm then before and her tears had decided to stop falling. She sighed deeply. Dean could feel her getting relaxed and kissed the top of her head. Shamima was surprised at the gesture and decided to move back to look at him. And when she did all she saw was love and concern written on his face. She kept staring at him as he wiped away her tears with his thumbs. She felt him move closer to her and the distance between their lips was getting smaller, she could feel his breath on her cheeks, which smelled like mint and cigarettes. Their lips were almost touching and Shamima felt like she was gonna catch fire. She closed her eyes without thinking.
âDeanâ she breathed out, her lips brushing with Deanâs.
âHiccupâ Her eyes snapped open, âhiccupâ. Shamima put her hand over her mouth to stop the hiccups from coming. She looked up at Dean who was smiling at her. She could get lost in those blue pools of ocean. All her worries and heartache seemed to vanish in that moment, just looking at the love his eyes held for her. They were staring at each other without blinking âhiccupâ. Damn you hiccups, Shamima cursed mentally.
Dean chuckled at her and got up to get her a glass of water. But Shamima reached out and grabbed his wrist, as if letting him go would take away the comfort and protection she felt in his presence. Dean looked at her and saw so many emotions on her face. Then he glanced at her foot and felt guilty.
âIâll be right backâ he said and left the room in a hurry. He went to the kitchen and filled a glass with water and drank it down all at once, and then another.
He was mentally kicking himself for treating Shamima the way he did. She didnât deserve to be tied up, but he wasnât thinking straight when he did that, he just didnât want her to go, ever, period. âThere were other ways to do that you idiotâ. He scolded himself. âGo and fix thisâ he kept talking to himself.
Dean entered the room to see Shamima sitting with her legs pulled up and her head resting on top of her knees. He handed her the glass of water. âTake small sipsâ he instructed. Shamima did as she was told. She put the glass on the night stand, her stomach groaned at the sight of the food that was left there from this morning. She reached forward to pick a cold piece of bacon, when she felt Dean touching her feet.
âDean what are you doing?â She panicked.
Dean looked at her and gave her a sad smile. Then he unlocked the cuff that had her bind to the bed. She quickly pulled her foot back and rubbed at her ankle.
âThere is food in the kitchen, help yourself to it. I have to run some errands and will be back in an hour or twoâ Dean informed Shamima without looking at her.
âOk, but can you stay a little while, pleaseâ Shamima responded.
Dean looked at her surprised to hear that she wanted to be with him.
âPleeeaseâ Shamima pleaded. âI donât feel like being alone right nowâ.
Dean sat down besides her on the bed. Shamima moved closer to him and rested her head on his shoulder.
âDeanâŚâ Shamima broke the uncomfortable silence.
âWhy did Renee do that to me I never did any wrong to her, even when she was annoying and a total pain, I ignored it and tried to be friendly to herâ. She asked with a frown.
âI donât know Shami; she is the one who can answer thatâ. Dean answered reluctantly.
âAre people just evil like that?â she paused, then added, âor maybe I deserved what I gotâ. She spoke while running her fingers on her ankle, absentmindedly.
Dean caught a glimpse of the gesture and closed his eyes as he felt a stab to his heart.
He turned towards her and held her face in his hands, stroking her cheeks with his thumbs.
âListen to me, You.Deserve.The.Whole.Worldâ Dean stressed on each word.
âYou have the most beautiful heart I have ever seen on any human being let alone a woman, you deserve to be treated special with love and care and everything. And anyone who doesnât do that is a complete jerkâ.
âIncluding meâ Dean added. âI am sorry for tying you; I hope one day you can forgive meâ
Shamima could see the sincerity in his eyes, she gently held on to his wrists.
âI will never understand why you did what you did but I will forgive youâ she smiled. âCanât stay mad at my best friend foreverâ.
Dean pulled his hands back just to cover his face as he groaned.
âI did that because I love youâ. Dean looked straight at her. âI wanted you to stay with me. I know there are other ways to show love and all, but the only way I have known growing up is violence and by force. But I really do love youâ.
Dean looked at her with those piercing blues. Shamima felt like he could see through her soul down to her heart and then he would find out how she truly felt for him. She quickly looked away and bit her lip. She looked at the clock.
âOh wow! Look at the time, its 8 already, no wonder I am so hungryâ. Changing the subject was the only response she could think of.
Dean sighed, deciding he had to make amends. He smiled âThatâs what happens when you donât eat all dayâ.
Shamima blushed at that. âWe can order pizza with a large bottle ofâ
âMtn Dewâ. Dean finished her sentence. They looked at each other and laughed.
Dean took out his phone and placed the order. Shamima went to the bathroom to freshen up a bit and Dean started to clean the mess Shamima made earlier with the glass of orange juice.
Their order had arrived by the time they both were done. They watched TV as they ate, constantly commenting and bickering about what they were watching.
Shamima felt sleepy as she yawned, she stretched out on the couch, resting her head in Deanâs lap.
Dean smiled down at her but before he could say anything Shamima spoke up. âDonât worry I wonât fall asleep, I just wanna lie down while I complete the movieâ.
âGood cuz I am not going to carry your heavy ass to the bedâ. Dean teased.
âHeyâŚ. I am not heavyâ. She protested.
âKeep telling that to yourselfâ. Dean said.
Shamima turned her attention to the TV with a pout. Dean chuckled at her innocence and focused his eyes to the screen, while he ran his fingers in Shamimaâs hair. She felt relaxed and slowly drifting to sleep.
âDean!!!â Shamima called out sleepily.
âYeah???â Dean inquired.
âI am sorry for hurting you, I donât hate youâ. Shamima said softly but sincerely.
âI knowâ. Dean answered immediately.
âDeanâŚâ Shamima called him again.
âYes Shami?â Dean asked, trying to concentrate on the movie.
âSo, do you forgive me?â She asked, concern laced in her voice.
âOf course I doâ. Dean answered, looking down at the innocent beauty. She smiled and let out a sigh of relief as she drifted off to sleep. Dean kissed the top of her head.
The next morning, Shamima woke up almost on top of Dean, her head was on his chest and their limbs tangled with each other. She glanced up to see him staring down at her. A smile spread across his lips, showing off those adorable dimples.
Shamima sat up on the couch, feeling shy due to the closeness, her cheeks heating up and turning red. But she got up and went to the kitchen to make breakfast. They both ate in silence. Once done, Dean changed clothes and came out of his room. âI will be back in an hour or two, have some important things to doâ. He informed Shamima.
Dean left locking the door, thinking what he was gonna say and do to Renee. Shamima grabbed her phone and called Roni to check on how she was doing. They talked for a quite a while. Roni filled in all the details about what was going on. Apparently everything was fine. Shamima was glad to hear that.
After that she decided to take a shower. Wearing 3 days old clothes was bothering her, but what else she could do. It hit her then, she could go home. Dean wasnât here and he didnât say anything about that. But he did untie her. So that mean she could go. She rushed to Deanâs room to look for the key to unlock the main door. But she couldnât find it. She grabbed all her stuff and decided to unlock the door with some bobby pins. She removed a hair pin and stuck it into the lock and tried moving it around, but no such luck, then she inserted another pin and tried to maneuver both the pins to try to get the lock to open. After 20 minutes of struggle she heard the lock click and when she tried the knob it was indeed unlocked. She congratulated herself and opened the door. She saw Dean coming. His expressions changed from happy to sudden anger. He rushed forward, pulling Shamima inside with him.
âWhere do you think you are going?â He asked through clenched teeth.
âHome, where elseâ. She responded with a shrug. âIsnât that why you untied me, so I can go?â
âNo you canât leave meâ. Dean snapped. âWhy canât you just stay here with me?â
âDean I have to go back to my home, I canât stay here foreverâ.
âWhy not, why canât you just stay?â Dean grabbed her by her shoulders and pulled her towards himself.
Shamima just stared at him.
He clashed his lips with her, kissing her forcefully. As much as Shamima wanted to kiss him back she didnât instead she pushed him away.
âWhy ShamiâŚ. Why canât you?â Dean was feeling a mix of hurt and anger.
Dean moved towards her, but she stepped back, fearing of what Dean would do. Dean felt even more hurt at seeing her being scared of him. But he grabbed her hands, and brought her closer. He placed one of her hands on his heart.
âWhy canât you feel that?â His eyes shining with unshed tears. He quickly blinked them away. âI know you love me tooâ.
âDean IâŚâ She was speechless. She felt his heart beat under her palm. That was a feeling she could get used to.
âI know you do Shamiâ. Dean said confidently.
âNo, I donâtâ. Shamima lied, too scared to admit her feelings in the current situation.
Dean pushed her away which caused her to stumble back.
âThen go. Leave me alone. Donât ever come backâ Dean yelled.
Shamima felt her heart breaking. She tried to step forward. But Dean stepped away and went to his room. She dropped her head, tears falling down her cheeks. She grabbed her purse and stepped to the door looking back one last time. She opened the door, as she stepped outside she heard the loud shattering of a glass followed by a grunt.
She rushed inside and went to Deanâs room. He was in the bathroom. She went in and gasped at the sight in front of her. The large mirror was shattered to pieces. And blood was running down Deanâs hand. She carefully walked to Dean and held him by his wrists and when he turned to her, she saw a tear stream down his face. She pulled him out of the bathroom and made him sit on the bed. She went back to get the first aid kit. She came back and cleaned his hand and then wrapped it with bandage. When she was done she held his hands in hers and placed a kiss.
She got up and sat beside him. She was still crying silently. Dean just looked at her with his eyes all red. She grabbed his face in her hands and kissed him all over. And breathing âI love youâ in between every kiss.
She finally connected her lips with his. Dean was caught by surprise. She kissed him passionately with her eyes closing of their own accord. Dean kissed her back with the same passion. He held her close, his arms wrapped around her waist. Shamima could feel his soft lips moving in sync with hers. Her hand slid from his chest to his shoulder and grabbed the material of his shirt while the other one went to his hair. Dean ran his tongue at her lips, asking permission to enter, and she let him. The moment their tongues touched they felt an electric spark course through their bodies. Shamima couldnât suppress the moan that escaped her lips, hearing her moan Dean pulled her closed to him if that was even possible. He leaned back and lied down on the bed, Shamima lying on top of him. The feeling of their bodies pressed against each other was driving them crazy. Shamima could feel her heart beat in her ears. She could also feel Deanâs heart thumping against his chest. They were running out of air so slightly pulled away. Dean opened his eyes to look at Shamima, who still had her eyes shut; her kiss swollen lips resembled rose petals and she was breathing rapidly. Dean kissed the top of her head. She opened her eyes and looked at Dean.
âI do love you Deanâ. She confessed. âAnd I can feel itâ. She added moving her hand to his heart.
Dean let out a sigh of relief. He felt he could breathe now. âI love you Shami.â
âAnd I will never leave youâ. Shamima added.
âNever?â Dean confirmed.
âNever everâ. Shamima promised. âEven though I need to get some stuff from homeâ. She tried to tease Dean.
Dean groaned playfully and rolled them over, so now he was on top of her. Shamima giggled. Dean connected their lips once again suppressing the teasing and giggles. That could wait for later.
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