If not one of the most memorable, the deepest relationship I had is with a guy, 15 years my senior and approximately 132 miles away from me. We had a blissful and fruitful 4-month intimate relationship but more than a year of complicated relationship until he left me... for good. His last breath was taken by a bullet a year after we became lovers.
It's funny how we met on a mobile dating app where you can find notorious scumbags and professional… you know what I mean. But nonetheless, we instantly felt the spark that led to one of the happiest relationships I had. I felt that I was the only one in his life.
For some, this might be annoying, but his favorite past-time - checking on me every now and then, makes me feel that I’m special. I value quality time or just even messages of affirmation more than any material things. So I am happy and secure enough and felt that he loved me that much even though we were in a long-distance relationship.
But things happen, as they say. When I visited his hometown and stayed at his place for a couple of days, I became suspicious. I saw numerous message alerts on his mobile phone from different guys that triggered the beast in me. Yes, I have a lot of insecurities and trust issues due to my past relationships. I confronted him but did not believe that those were just his colleagues and batch mates in college. Then he became suddenly cold towards me.
The day of my return home came, and he was still cold to me even at the bus station. I even hoped that he would look back at me when the bus going to Manila I’m riding in started to move. But no glimpse from him, instead, I saw him typing on his mobile phone. I stared at my phone waiting for his message, but no single notification popped out. I cannot blame him for acting like that though, since I was the one who started questioning him, questioning his love for me.
And so I left for home feeling broken.
Being away from the love of your life is not easy, especially with a paranoid like me. Days, and weeks, have passed and I kinda felt that my love for him is fading, or so I thought. We had a serious talk and I ended up breaking up with him. But this was the biggest regret I have ever made.
He was devastated and pleaded with me to stay, but my insecurities is bigger than my love for him. So, I chose to break his heart. He still kept on messaging and updating me on his daily life just like when we were still lovers. I decided not to push him away, since I know the feeling of being left behind. At some point, I felt guilty about dumping him because this made him a drunkard, he drink almost every night and cry to me over the phone.
Weeks and months passed and his messages became shorter and seldom. Maybe he’s found a new lover, I told myself. A part of me is happy, but also a part of me is torn and jealous. I confirmed that he has found another guy and they seem happy. He even told me that they have plans of traveling to Manila.
One day, his messages and updates stopped bugging my phone, yes even though he is with another guy, he did not stop messaging me.
Out of curiosity, I visited his social media account to check how he was doing. But to my surprise, it was the most shocking discovery I ever felt in my life that instantly made me cry. He was already gone.
Numerous posts on his social media account's wall sending him messages of love hit me hard and made me cry even harder. I contacted his niece and asked what happened. She told me that her uncle was shot by a robber while saving their neighbor from the criminal.
I was able to visit his grave after a few months. His death anniversary is nearly coming, so I am planning to visit him again. I pray to the universe that I can still find a person like him and once I found that person, I promise to never let him go no matter what.
