i started back on antidepressants a week ago but i feel very numb. My eyes feel extremely tired, I dont like how my skin feels resting on my bones. My body doesn’t feel as if it were my own.
sorry im treating tumblr like a diary lately, i apologize.
being ignored by my best friend with no reason even though they said they just wanted me to be happier and less depressed makes no sense. ive been doing the best i can and ive finally improved my mental health but it makes no sense that now that ive fixed everything my friends had an issue with, they’re suddenly just done with me. i feel more hurt than ive felt in a long time, i don’t know what i did to hurt them but no one is telling me anything and i feel like maybe i really am a problem
imagine having someone you called your best friend call you a “revolving door of mental illness that’ll never get any better” to your face over breakfast.
While playing in a pit for a musical at my college this weekend, I accidentally kicked and broke my pickup on my double bass. I need a new one ASAP to continue with my major (I can’t play in ensembles without it). A new pickup, including shipping is $250. I do not have that money due to medical bills and as a result, am opening fic commissions to help me get back into things at college.
Currently, fics are $5 per 1000 words, no cap on word count.
I WILL write about whatever pairing you want, whatever AU you want and any extra add ins such as nsfw, reader insert etc are totally in bounds (just try to make it Cow Chop, SugarPine7, Funhaus, Achievement Hunter, Game Grumps or Rooster Teeth related please!)
If you’d like to donate anyhow and you don’t want a fic, you can shoot me a message, but if you can’t afford anything right now, just reblog this post, it would help me a lot!!
These are still open, guys! Please help me out if you can! This is really pathetic, but now that my recital is done, I don’t really have the money for groceries or my medication.
While playing in a pit for a musical at my college this weekend, I accidentally kicked and broke my pickup on my double bass. I need a new one ASAP to continue with my major (I can’t play in ensembles without it). A new pickup, including shipping is $250. I do not have that money due to medical bills and as a result, am opening fic commissions to help me get back into things at college.
Currently, fics are $5 per 1000 words, no cap on word count.
I WILL write about whatever pairing you want, whatever AU you want and any extra add ins such as nsfw, reader insert etc are totally in bounds (just try to make it Cow Chop, SugarPine7, Funhaus, Achievement Hunter, Game Grumps or Rooster Teeth related please!)
If you’d like to donate anyhow and you don’t want a fic, you can shoot me a message, but if you can’t afford anything right now, just reblog this post, it would help me a lot!!
These are still open, guys! Please help me out if you can! This is really pathetic, but now that my recital is done, I don’t really have the money for groceries or my medication.
The heist had been going so well. They had staked the place out for nearly a month, finding the in and outs of every clerk’s shift, every security guard’s smoke break, every exchange with the national armory trucks. They had map after map of the security deposit rooms, electrical blueprints of the alarms and which cameras were real, which were for shot. Everything was set up perfectly.
“Get on the fucking ground!” Brett shouted, skimming the sight of his rifle from person to person in the bank, watching people throw themselves onto the ground. Trevor hustled his way into the security office, knocking out the security guard with a fast tap to the back of the head. He pulled out a couple electronic jammers and mounted them against the servers that were connected to the cameras, frying the footage.
“Go, Nova.” Trevor looked out into the entry way. James nodded and made his way towards the security boxes, shooting out each lock with a silencer before ripping the contents out and tossing it into his backpack. Aleks jumped onto the main counter, kicking out the protective glass and heading behind the registers. He busted each one open and pulled wads of cash out, tossing it into his backpack, being careful not to bust the dye packs that were wrapped in each stack. Brett watched his crew work, keeping his cool and scanning over the group of people on the ground.
“L-let us g-go!” one of the clerks shouted from behind the counter. Aleks motioned towards them with his gun, scaring them to lying further on the ground.
“You’d be much better off if you shut the fuck up.” Aleks spat, continuing to throw money into his bag. He heard James snicker from the room over.
Everything stopped in an instant.
Gunshots poured in through the front windows of the bank and Brett leapt behind the teller’s counter. Police sirens blared out of nowhere. Something had happened. They missed a step, they NEVER miss a step.
“Van! Van!” Brett screamed, firing pot shots out the window before bursting through the back security door, Trevor in tow. The two slid into the back of the grey van, Jakob waiting in the front anxiously.
“What the fuck happened dude?!” Jakob asked, tight grip on the steering wheel.
“I-I don’t fucking know! We had the cameras covered!” Trevor blurted out, looking back at the bank. “Oh, come on guys! Let’s fucking go!” James peeked around the corner of the deposit room, seeing Aleks ducking down. The two made eye contact before sprinting out the back, firing behind them as a sea of bullets headed their way. James slid into the van first, tossing his back to the side. Aleks stumbled and fell, face crashing against the bumper.
“You idiot!” James screamed, reaching down and dragging Aleks up into the van. Brett shut the doors and Jakob was off, taking every side street he could remember to lose the cops. Aleks laid slumped against James, trying to slow his breathing down. His eyes slid shut and James moved to yell at him, but realized that his shirt was becoming wet, sandwiched between his body and Aleks. He lifted the Russian off him and noticed a fairly large blood pool on his clothes. “Fuck! Fuck! Brett, he’s shot!” James moved to pull Aleks’ clothes off his body to find the bullet wound, compressing it with his hand to stop the bleeding.
“Jakob! Head towards Cibs!” Brett moved next to James, patting Aleks’ face in an attempt to wake him up. “Not now, fucker. Not now, you can’t die on me now. You owe me way too much from our Saturday night poker games.” Brett was only half joking. Aleks opened and closed his eyes every once in a while, slipping in and out of consciousness.
Weeks had passed since the last heist. A lot of the stolen jewelry had been long liquidated, the cash sent to various offshore accounts. The crew had done some smaller scale heists since then, just to keep the income solid, but James and Aleks were rarely there.
Sunlight creaked through the window, splaying itself out on the warm sheets invitingly. Aleks pulled the blankets around him, letting the blankets heat up and lulling him in and out of sleep that morning. He heard his door open, footsteps padding across the wood apartment floor before the weight shifted on the bed. Turning on his side slowly, attempting to keep the stitches in his ribs intact, Aleks curled up into a ball, facing the wall of the small bedroom. The weight shifted on the bed again, and a body moved to frame itself against his, a warm t-shirt against his bare back, arms around his side. Aleks hummed lightly, feeling fingers fan through his blonde hair, scratching his head lightly.
“G’morning…” Aleks mumbled, curling against the pillows around him.
“Morning sleepyhead…” James kissed Aleks’ neck lightly. Aleks moved to turn onto his other side and faced James but winced, being ginger with his stitches.
“A-ah fuck…” Aleks groaned, frowning. James wrapped himself closer to Aleks, sighing.
“Just because you can move around a bit more, doesn’t mean you should be pushing it…” James sat up, wrapping his arms underneath Aleks before pulling him into his lap. Aleks nuzzled against James’ neck and felt James wrap more blankets around him. Kissing Aleks’ face lightly, James smiled.
“This is so aggravating, y’know?” Aleks mumbled, closing his eyes. “I hate feeling so…useless to you guys…”
“You’re not useless…” James frowned, moving to comb through Aleks’ hair. ‘You’re gonna heal up soon, I promise.” James moved to stand up, dropping the blankets around Aleks before moving towards the bathroom. Reaching towards the shower, James flicked the water on warm and set Aleksandr onto the counter. He ran a few fingers over the star shaped stitches, light enough to not cause any pain but still making Aleks recoil slightly. James wrapped his fingers into Aleks’ waistband, pulling his sweatpants down and off his body innocently, tossing them aside. He moved to his briefs next, pulling them off and tossing them to the floor. Aleks blushed sheepishly, looking anywhere but James. Sure, after being a modern Bonnie and Clyde for the past 8 years together, you really see a lot of your partner. But he was always so bashful. James pressed a kiss to Aleks forehead and rested his palms on the counter on either side of Aleks.
“Are you planning on joining me?...” Aleks asked, smiling lightly. James shrugged.
“I would love to if you’re ok with it?” He ran his fingers through Aleks’ hair lightly, a slight concerned look on his face, not wanting to push Aleks too far. Aleks hopped off the counter gingerly and tugged at the hem of James’ black t-shirt.
“You can’t shower in this…” Aleks smirked and James hastily took his shirt off, kicking his briefs off before climbing into the shower behind Aleks. It was certainly cramped, a lot of James’ apartment was compact which created an optimal excuse to be close. James towered over Aleks, letting the water pour across his back before trickling down Aleks’ body. Squeezing a bit of shampoo into his hand, James started lathering it, raking it through Aleks’ hair gingerly. He closed his eyes and let James work, trying his best not to wince. James watched as flakes of dried blood surfaced in the shampoo and frowned, being especially gently.
“You keep scratching?” James asked, letting some water bounce off him and rinse Aleks’ scalp. He looked down, ashamed.
“I keep having those flashbacks, yknow?... I don’t really know how to stop them…” Aleks admitted, feeling his presence sink underneath James. James finished rinsing his hair before adding in some conditioner and grabbing a bar of soap. Lathering up a washcloth, James got to work running the cloth across Aleks’ skin. He worked his neck first, massaging all of the tension out of his neck gingerly before working towards his back. Aleks tilted his head slightly, mouth opening in a silent moan as James raked over his body. He worked down his back and across his thighs, being careful around his ribs to avoid pulling out a stitch. When James made his way towards Aleks’ inner thighs, he had to bite back a moan. Aleks spread his legs slightly for easier access, feeling himself subconsciously getting more aroused as James worked. He closed his eyes, trying to catch his breath when without warning, he felt the cloth graze over his cock lightly.
“Hmm Hmm…” James hummed lightly as he worked, reveling in the teasing he always got to do when they showered. Sometimes it resulted in more, sometimes it didn’t, he really didn’t mind either way. However, it had been a while since the two had any serious intimate contact, but Aleks writhed underneath him, seemingly unscathed by any pain from his recovery.
“You’re awful…” Aleks groaned out as James cautiously stroked firmer, encroaching closer. James kissed his neck lightly, chuckling.
“Let me clean up, we can maybe watch some tv and I can make breakfast?” James offered, pulling away. Aleks stood on his tip toes and reached up to James, placing a lightly fevered kiss on his lope before pulling away, watching as James rinsed out his shaggy, curly hair and running some soap across his body. Aleks scanned his body, making notes of the scars from his own run ins with bullets and knives over the past few years. Some were from before the two met, when James’ old crew was much sloppier, less professional. Every time Aleks saw them or ran a finger across James’ chest, it made him tense up, wishing he could’ve been there to prevent half of these.
James rinsed himself off and opened the shower curtain, catching Aleks’ glances across his body. Reaching out, he grabbed a couple fresh towels from underneath the sink, wrapping one around his waist before taking the other and gently patting the water off Aleks, before wrapping his hair in the towel and shaking it dry. Aleks laughed, letting James pamper him. He had done most of the physical healing, minus pulling the stitches out, but was still working on the mental healing from that heist. Small moments like this helped Aleks forget the pain, forget everything except James. James stepped out of the shower, taking Aleks’ hand before walking back into the bedroom. James moved to put some briefs on but Aleks stopped him, resting a hand on either side of his waist.
“Oh?” James looked quizzically down at Aleks, his wet hair still falling messily in his face. Aleks backed James up until his knees hit the edge of the bed, forcing him to sit. James splayed his palms on either side of the sheets, watching as Aleks slowly sunk to his knees on the bedroom floor. Aleks ran his fingers gently across James’ thighs, tracing light circles in his skin. James let a smile spread across his face, closing his eyes. “You really are playful today, huh?”
“You could say that…” Aleks placed light kisses on the inside of James’s thighs, working his way towards his waist. “I missed you.”
“It’s been a long time.” James commented, threading a few fingers through Aleks’ hair. Aleks worked his way up, tracing light kisses across his hips, fingers tracing lines up James’ ribs. James felt himself starting to grow hard, and instead of fighting it like he had done for months, let himself relax and unwind. He had obviously wanted to mess around with Aleks, the two certainly had been an item for a while, but while he was recovering, James would spend a lot of time curled up with Aleks. He felt as if it he was going to hurt Aleks by getting aroused with all of their physical contact, because he wasn’t in any condition to return the feelings, so he constantly fought down his urges.
“Mhmm…” Aleks groaned, slowly wrapping his fingers around James’ cock, stroking slowly. James gasped lightly and rested on his elbows, looking down onto Aleks. Aleks tested the waters cautiously, stroking James slightly faster and firmer.
“E-eager, yeah?” James chuckled, tugging on Aleks’ hair lightly. Aleks licked the base of James’ cock, closing his eyes and humming to himself. “Be a good boy for me, baby.”
“I’d love to…” Aleks sunk his mouth onto James’ cock, his tongue swirling around the tip eagerly. James squeezed his eyes shut, groaning as he grew impossibly hard. He let Aleks adjust to his size before gently coaxing his mouth further onto his cock, pushing on the back of his head.
“You’ve always been the biggest slut…” James commented, feeling his hips buck up slightly as his cock was fully engulfed in Aleks’ warm mouth. “Such pretty lips…” Aleks moaned and looked up at James, a glint of wanting in his eyes. James slowly pulled in and out of Aleks’ mouth in small thrusts, feeling his cock sink into the back of Aleks’ throat. Aleks closed his eyes, slowing his breathing down and relaxing his gag reflex. “That’s a good boy…” James lifted his other hand from the bed underneath him and joined it at the back of Aleks’ head, bucking slowly into his throat, loving the feeling of his tongue against James’ base. James quickened his pace, listening to Aleks’ moans and whimpers as he fucked his mouth. He felt himself leak precum into Aleks’ throat and made the decision to pull out, still holding onto the back of his head. Aleks coughed momentarily, composing himself before looking up at James.
“I love doing that, still gotta get used to it though. You’re, uh…”
“A bit thick?” James grinned.
“Understatement.” Aleks stood up before straddling James’ lap, pulling him into a deep kiss. James broke the kiss after a while, feeling his face warm up like a teenager after his first kiss.
“I want to make you feel good, baby. Tell me what you want.” James drew circles on Aleks’ chest, waiting. Aleks climbed off of James and scooted up onto the bed, resting on his knees.
“Fuck me.” Aleks smirked, stroking himself lightly, feeling himself grow harder. James looked at him quizzically. He certainly wasn’t against it, but it was so forward, much more forward than Aleks normally was in bed. “I’ve missed you too much, I need you.” James crawled forward on the bed, pinning Aleks slowly to the mattress, feathering his cheek and neck with kisses, working down.
“I’d love to, baby…” James felt something inside him spark. He wanted nothing more than to take Aleks, to keep him and make him his, to protect him. Aleks flipped onto his knees, palms resting against the sheets. James ran his hands slowly down Aleks’ back, taking time to memorize every tattoo, scar and scratch before palming his ass. “You look so good…”
“I’ve needed this for months…” Aleks pressed his chest against the blankets, keeping his ass in the air. James pressed a digit against his tight hole, circling around it cautiously before pushing inside. Aleks let out a silent moan as he felt himself relaxing underneath James. James bit his lip, watching Aleks push his hips against James’ fingers eagerly. Slipping a second one inside, Aleks gasped, grinding his cock against the mattress.
“Be patient, baby…” James leaned over Aleks, slowly stretching him in and out. Stroking himself, James pulled his fingers out and rested the tip of his cock against his hole. “Are you sure?” He asked, scratching the small of Aleks’ back.
“Positive… “ Aleks moaned, eyes widening a bit as James slowly pushed into him, sinking in with little resistance.
“Definitely tighter than I remember…” James groaned as he sunk in, hands gripping either side of his hips. He was already on the edge and had to control himself, letting Aleks adjust to his size. James inched inside slowly, feeling Aleks give underneath him.
“A-ahhhh fuck…” Aleks squeezed his eyes shut, feeling James’ hips finally make contact with his ass as he finally seated himself inside fully. James gently scratched Aleks’ back, waiting for Aleks to adjust to his size before slowly thrusting in and out. Aleks gripped the sheets underneath him, breathing slowly.
“Tell me to stop if you change your mind.” James started thrusting lightly, making shallow movements to test the water. Aleks groaned, squeezing his eyes tight. James started making his thrusts deeper and deeper, until eventually he was slamming in and out of Aleks fervently.
“J-James…!” Aleks cried out, pushing back against James with each thrust. James placed his hand on either side of Aleks on the bed, arching his back over his and thrusting quicker and quicker. “P-please make me yours…”
“Such a good boy…” James panted, making his thrusts harder and deeper. Aleks wrapped his hand around his thick, dripping cock before James swatted it away. “I wanna make you cum by my terms.” Aleks nodded, splaying his arms out on either side and letting James rock into him. James readjusted his angle, now feverishly thrusting into Aleks’ prostate, watching the man underneath him cry out, eyes crossing with bliss. James felt himself growing close, clenching his teeth and driving in faster and faster.
“Please cum in me, baby…” Aleks whined, feeling himself almost fall over the edge thrust after thrust. James felt himself let go, thrusts growing erratic before he locked himself inside of Aleks, cock pressed against Aleks’ prostate as he cums in thick ropes. Aleks cried out, feeling the pressure inside of him before falling over the edge himself, cumming hard onto the sheets underneath him. The two sat in silence for a few moments, letting their waves of pleasure wash over them. James pulled out of Aleks gingerly, moving to lay them both on their sides. Aleks closed his eyes and let everything take over him, feeling the weight of James behind him, his arms around his waist, his warmth, before eventually fading into sleep. He felt safe again.
While playing in a pit for a musical at my college this weekend, I accidentally kicked and broke my pickup on my double bass. I need a new one ASAP to continue with my major (I can’t play in ensembles without it). A new pickup, including shipping is $250. I do not have that money due to medical bills and as a result, am opening fic commissions to help me get back into things at college.
Currently, fics are $5 per 1000 words, no cap on word count.
I WILL write about whatever pairing you want, whatever AU you want and any extra add ins such as nsfw, reader insert etc are totally in bounds (just try to make it Cow Chop, SugarPine7, Funhaus, Achievement Hunter, Game Grumps or Rooster Teeth related please!)
If you’d like to donate anyhow and you don’t want a fic, you can shoot me a message, but if you can’t afford anything right now, just reblog this post, it would help me a lot!!
While playing in a pit for a musical at my college this weekend, I accidentally kicked and broke my pickup on my double bass. I need a new one ASAP to continue with my major (I can’t play in ensembles without it). A new pickup, including shipping is $250. I do not have that money due to medical bills and as a result, am opening fic commissions to help me get back into things at college.
Currently, fics are $5 per 1000 words, no cap on word count.
I WILL write about whatever pairing you want, whatever AU you want and any extra add ins such as nsfw, reader insert etc are totally in bounds (just try to make it Cow Chop, SugarPine7, Funhaus, Achievement Hunter, Game Grumps or Rooster Teeth related please!)
If you’d like to donate anyhow and you don’t want a fic, you can shoot me a message, but if you can’t afford anything right now, just reblog this post, it would help me a lot!!
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snowghoul
ellievsbear
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titsay
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origamiaround
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dailybridgerton
