as someone who used to write with you, and someone who loved your characters. i'm sorry you've been treated this way and loved the characters you had. thank you for sharing them with us.
I debated on leaving this in my inbox for a rainy day, but I don’t know who you are and I wanted to say thank you.
I’m constantly battling myself, thinking that no matter what I do or what I say; it’ll never be good enough. Sometimes I type out a sentence three or four times, only to stare at it until the letters jumble together and it doesn’t make any sense. I do this because it has to be perfect. I spend hours on biographies, even days, just creating the outline of a character. Their name has to flow. They have to have a good backstory. They have to feel real to me. I’ll take pieces of my memories, especially the ones that hurt, and I’ll use them to form something beautiful. Because when I look at myself, I don’t like what I see. I don’t like that my mind becomes a hurricane without warning.
Reading this makes me feel incredibly warm. I know I always tell my friends not to let shitty people get in the way of their happiness, but when it comes to myself, considering that I’m my biggest critic; having a stranger who knows little to nothing about me come onto my page and take their time to type out a message designed specifically to hurt someone, that fucks me up. I’ve spent my entire life being afraid of people. I push everyone away because I don’t want my insides to burn when they leave, and the friends I manage to keep, sometimes I can’t even talk to them.
I joined Tumblr in 2011. I made my first Hummel Twin in January of 2012. He was absolutely awful. I couldn’t use a semi-colon or a comma, and my punctuation just wasn’t there. I was sixteen years old. I knew it was exhausting for other people because I couldn’t separate reality from fiction. I thought because I was getting my ass beat at home every day, and at school, that I could treat everyone any way I wanted to. I was mean. I didn’t know how to talk to people. -- However; I was lucky enough to have a handful of friends that stuck beside me regardless of my wrath, and they helped me grow. With writing, and within myself. It took a year or two, but I got better. My biographies went from one paragraph to five, and from five to eight, and my longest biography for a character turned out to be eleven paragraphs long. I had a lot to cover I suppose. Anyway, my point in this is that I have been here, learning, and getting better for years. I’ve seen writers come and go. I’ve seen writers completely change their name and identity, along with their writing style and groups of friends. I’ve seen roleplays that I used to love die, and then get deleted. I’ve recycled characters and names and faces so many times because it’s okay to do that and still be good at what you do. I never want anyone to feel that they’re not good enough.
So, if you’re reading this and you’re struggling with your writing because you don’t think it’s up to par, know that it is okay. It’s okay to not know where to go with a character. It’s okay to ask people for advice. Don’t be discouraged because your first language isn’t English, or because you’re in a Timezone unlike everyone else in your group. You’re capable. There are people that would love to write with you, to teach you, to show you that everyone has their vices and their insecurities and that you’re more than them. And if you find yourself on someone’s page, and you don’t like the way they’re writing or portraying a character, it’s okay to keep that to yourself. Instead of spreading hate to the writers in this community, send love. Send positive vibes, always. You never know what someone is dealing with on the outside unless they tell you. Talking shit and being rude isn’t cool. Being a friend is the best thing you can be.
I know I said I was done writing, and I don’t think I’m going to for a while, but I will take my own advice. I can’t give up on the one thing that saved my life when I was a teenager. Just because you start small doesn’t mean you can’t make it big. Maybe these people that treat you badly will be asking for you to sign their copy of your book one day. Maybe they’ll be asking you for tips on how to create a three-dimensional character.
Anyway, that turned into something else. I appreciate your kind words. If you would, feel free to message me off anon so I can thank you properly for being one of the people to help me overcome something I thought I’d never be able to face. If anyone out there is having difficulties with plots, or writing biographies, I will help you. I will help you think of a character and I will help you with your theme, and I will be your fuckin’ friend on top of that.
- Matt.
Also, sorry for the tags. I need anyone who is hurting to see it and know that there are still safe places here.
