Memoirs

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[chubbieebunny-blog]

Wow I haven't posted anything for a really long time. I talked to my friend today. He made me start thinking a lot. I couldn't believe there would be anyone who would try so hard for someone they care about. How can anyone be rejected so many times, and still be willing to keep trying? It made me feel....a little jealous. Not many people I know are like that. Most people, when they run into a problem, they just avoid it, or they solve it using the easiest solution. The easiest isn't always the best though, is it? How many people would run into a brick wall, and still continue to try to run through it? It really made me see him differently. I wish...someone would be willing to try that hard for me. It sounds like a lot to ask for. Maybe it is. But is asking for someone who would actually try to make things work out with me really too much to ask for? Is asking for someone who wouldn't give up for me when things are looking bad too much to ask for? I really don't know. But for now, I'm going to be happy with my life. I know I don't need a guy to be happy. It just made me think, how can someone give out so much and expect disappoint? I admire that, I really do.

[smirkkk]

[chubbieebunny-blog]

HI BONBON <3

Hi o____o

[chubbieebunny-blog]

Is it bad that I feel no attachment to highschool at all? No emotional or physical attachment... not even to the people. I'm so glad to be out. I'm so glad that I'm going to college, away from all the people I've met. Okay, that's not very true, I'm actually going to be seeing a lot of people. Of course I have friends that I'll think about once in awhile that I'll miss. But most of the people I've met are just "friends." How many people am I really going to keep in touch with in the next upcoming year? Probably just a handful, if even that many. I'm not people pessimistic, I'm being realistic. How many people do I know turned their head and tail 180 degrees in a blink of an eye? In fact, something like that happened just recently. People will say things, and go back on it right after. It's no surprise. It's expected, and I've learned not to expect too much of people. But of course this was going to happen. Maybe it would have been different if we were born in the same year. But that probably doesn't matter.

[kiyono-deactivated20190816]

[victoriaaloi-deactivated2016071]

It always seems so funny to me how

when I meet new people, we easily become friends. We start to text each other a lot, hang out more often, see each other wherever we go; yet, one day it all stops. There’s no “Hey? Want to hang out?” Everything just ceases. 

[victoriaaloi-deactivated2016071]

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Fiction Music Box Version ♫

[chubbieebunny-blog]

Last day of school.

I didn't spend it with the people I thought I would have spent it with. Not necessarily a good thing or a bad thing. I guess I'm still a little bit disappointed, but I'll get over it. It's hard to believe that it's going to be the last time I'll ever go to Joy Cups after school. Maybe to other people, it didn't really matter because they still have a year. But to be, it did matter. I wanted to spend it with people who mattered to me, but maybe I was wrong. I don't regret it. It was fun and relaxing. But maybe the people who I thought meant the most to me didn't feel the same way. But whatever, I'm going off to college. New life, new people, new everything.

[hwippedcream]

Continuing to do something and continuing to have to apologize for it doesn’t show any sign of remorse whatsoever.

[chubbieebunny-blog]

I'm fucking tired. I'm tired of people assuming that they know me. I'm tired of people assuming that they know how I feel. No, you don't know shit so fuck you. I'm so done with people. I'm not a fucking doll you can just throw around when you don't want it anymore. Oh, just because I laugh and smile all the time must mean I don't have feelings. No, what the fuck. I'm done with getting close to people. If you're going you're going to get out then stay the fuck out and have a taste of you own medicine. Maybe you should try thinking of my position. You think I feel so fucking fantastic? No. You think you know me? You only know the me that I choose to show. You don't know anything.

[chubbieebunny-blog]

I think avoiding/ignoring someone without giving them a proper reason is the most stupid and immature thing you can do. I've mentioned this many times before, but I'm going to say it again. People think that ignoring someone will make the problem go away? You think you're being the bigger person? Bullshit. All you're doing is making the problem worse and creating even more misunderstandings. But you know what? I'm used to it. People come and go in life. If they don't want to stay then I'm not going to beg them to.

[chubbieebunny-blog]

Mini rant.

I feel like all the people I text just never want to talk to me or reply to me and it just really brings me down. Like, I just don't really want to talk to anyone anymore. I don't have anything against them, I'm sure they're busy people, but it would be nice if they could give me like a minute of their time to acknowledge me, that's all. And I'm not just talking about one person, this applies to a few people. Sometimes it makes me feel like the friends I have now aren't really my friends, and it makes me look forward to getting out of high school even more I:. When I try to talk to people, I get brushed off. Maybe I'm the one with problems. Maybe I'm just not a very cool person to talk to. I don't know. Of course this isn't about everyone I text. There are some [very few] people that always reply to me and I appreciate it. How many people will i really keep in contact with after high school? How many people actually care about me? Of course I'll try in the beginning, but people can't try forever. I'm tired. These four dreaded years of high school really tired me out. There was not one year where I was happy. When people ask me if I'll miss high school, I tell them I'll be sad. But honestly? I can't wait to get out of this hellhole. People who say that high school is the best period of your life? If high school was the best period of my life then the rest of my coming life must be worse than hell. I'm tired of high school. I'm tired of people. You really don't know how it feels until you become a Senior and lived through all four years of high school in the same school. I guess the point of this post is that it would just be nice if I felt a little more important in people's lives. But maybe I'm really not that important.  Maybe I'm just there.

[chubbieebunny-blog]

I had a conversation yesterday with someone older and more mature than me. When you grow up, you watch the people around you change. She told me about someone who changed 360. It made me think, a lot. There are some people that you just see change throughout time. But then there are other people that don't change at all. When she told about that person, I don't know it affected me so much. It made me do a lot of thinking.

[chubbieebunny-blog]

Sentiments.

It's so hard to look at you now. It's hard to go into that house and see the pure...emptiness. It's hard to imagine that pretty soon...I won't be able to walk into that house freely anymore. The house that I've lived in for 16 years of my life. The memories I've made. It hurts. I'm not going to show it, but it hurts. When I step inside now, I wonder how I stop my tears from falling. I'll grow up, and I'll move on. But I'll never forget it. I won't ever forget the happy memories I had from my childhood. The only ones I've made. Who knows how many times I'll be able to see you now...if I'll be able to see you at all. I have to be honest to myself, and I know you don't have long left. I know I'm going to cry, even though I'll try to hold in my tears. There's so much I want to say, if only I could get my words out. 

[victoriaaloi-deactivated2016071]

Just because you’re single doesn’t mean you are lonely. Being single shouldn’t stop you from being happy. Being in a relationship shouldn’t mean that you’re always happy. No matter what relationship status you’re in, it should not be the deciding factor to your mood and to the way you chose to live your life. Moping around, wishing that your prince or princess will come around will do you no good. It’ll only make you even more depressed. You should be happy because you want to be. Take your life into your hands. 

[chubbieebunny-blog]

Looking back, I used to have such high expectations for guys, but when I think about it now, I don't really ask for much. Looks and personality are one thing, but I like people who can give me a sense of security. Even in friends. I like it when people make me feel safe and comfortable when I'm around them. It makes me want to be around them more often. I'm not the kind of girl who will go like, "Omg save me" or whatever. I can take care of myself, but if you make me feel safe, that's like plus 10000 points. 

[chubbieebunny-blog]

A bittersweet memory.