It’s been a long while since I have actually opened Tumblr… wow, I’m getting OLDER, haha!
Anyway, after over a decade or maybe even two, lots of things happened. Probably, more yet to happen. The thing is, we’ll never really know. We just ride the tide until we fall and find out if we can still surf again. Haha, sorry, whoever bothers reading, lol! Okay, seriously, things happened, and found and am continuing to find various interesting and odd things in this world. Rabbit holes keep getting deeper, Alice! It’s weird and fun and I am still unable to describe it in a decent adjective. A disclaimer, whenever I say find, it most likely would mean to experience, read, watch, see, etc.
So, during the years i have gone off the regular 8-5 work routine, I started sort of (for lack of a less-emo term) soul-searching… I was not exactly sure what I am doing. The longer in-betweens of my side-works became my open window to doing and experiencing life and the side of me that maybe most people have paid attention to and have gone over with when they are at their very young adult lives. I thought: I can experience and better understand about life, love, companionships, the human mind, spirit, history, and everything else that are not fully known to me. I saw, watched other people take their chance and make their mistakes early on their lives. I learn from observing these people. It’s like an internship: I’m not yet hired, but I still get to work around the workplace while those that are employed are messing up. I love observing around me. People thought that I was just quiet, but they can’t see how amused I was at their behavior just to fit-in or get-by their responsibilities. After all that internship, I finally get to test their resolutions and learnings myself. Of course, at first, I was overwhelmed, and doing mistakes myself, but this time, since I am at this older age, I took mental notes of how people are: what should I help them with that still had hope to change for the better, or what are the things about them that is hopelessly consistent and should probably let go to either save the connection or leave to save my sanity. It truly is a frustrating process of finding my “home people” but one thing with me is that I’m a very patient person. It honestly resulted with joys and heartbreaks. I cried and I laughed. What I made sure now, having seen others’ mistakes before, is to always make it a habit to learn from these encounters. Even sadness, disappointments from loved ones, and heartbreaks I get to learn from. I always thought to myself that I may be broken, but I survived it for a reason. No self-pity, just pick up my pieces and go on. I try hard not to dwell on things that are hopeless. Thus, somehow, I sort of achieve a “zen” mode in my terms. You can meet a lot of people that can attempt to manipulate your mind to blame or self-pity, I left those and went home to my dogs, haha! Always treasure those who appreciate your presence. I do note well if a person is okay with me staying. It’s rare to find people that is fine with me having no inhibitions, that won’t shush me when I candidly speak my mind about life, death, opinions, reactions, emotions, spirituality, and the rabbit holes that I may need to write about next time. ˘_˘ Ciao for now