hi, i haven't been here since april, and i once joked that i only come here when i feel bad. so sad post ahead :(Ā Ā (tw: animal death mention)
a couple of hours ago my puppy died. his name was dipper.Ā
dipper was a black german/belgian shepherd. his eyes were dark, and his ears were starting to get pointy. he had a white line on his neck. his fur was super soft. he really seemed, and felt, like a plush puppy. he liked to play a lot, he would scratch my pants all the time. he destroyed one of my sneakers, but i didn't mind because they were old anyway. i think he was really like his namesake, dipper pines.
so earlier today me and my brother went to the vet to check on him and his sister mabel. the vet told us that dipper had just died and idk i keep thinking we could had been a little more sooner to see him one last time? then we saw mabel for a little bit and then they brought dipper. i didn't want to cry right there, but then we got into the car, and my brother told me that he was now in puppy heaven, i couldn't stop crying. then we got home and we cried while hugging our dad.
my dad told us that he was a purebreed and a puppy, which meant he was weaker than the dogs wandering on the street and things like this happen. i mean i know that, but i can't stop thinking about what could ~I~ have done. mabel got sick on wednesday and we brought her to the vet on thursday. dipper started to feel bad on friday, and we brought him to the vet on saturday afternoon. i don't have a car, but i keep thinking, i could have gotten into a taxi to get him to the vet. would that had made a difference? i spent friday morning with him until i had to go to school. i had a final presentation but honestly i could had just not present and at least keep him more company. or maybe i could have gone to visit him earlier today instead of waiting for my brother
i also think about the things my brother or my dad (or my other sibling) could have done differently, but i have to remind myself that at the end, these things happen.
dipperās sister mabel is still at the vet, we hope that she recovers. if it wasnāt clear, i named them after dipper and mabel pines from gravity falls. i told my brother maybe we had to rename mabel, but he said that if we did that, it would be as if dipper never existed. he's right, but it still hurts
dipper's death also reminded me of my mom's. my dad had told us she was recovering, only for her to pass away two days later. in this case, we had gone on monday and the vet told us that he was slowly recovering, and two days later heās gone.
maybe itās just another proof that i should not get attached to anybody or anything. this is why i didnāt want anymore dogs.