metamorphosis

Dawn; noun dôn daybreak, sunrise Dawn Golightly Peterson. Twenty two years rotating this earth. Wanderer. Optimist. Flower child.

[ciaodawn]

📲 Ray ☀️

Reagan: Do you want my opinion?

Reagan: except this time it's less cruel intentions and more an episode of gossip girl

Dawn: Are you going to be mean to me because I don't think I can handle it right now

Dawn: I don't want my life to be any kind of drama movie or tv show I just want it to be boring and normal

[ciaodawn]

📲 Ray ☀️

Reagan: What are you gonna do?

Dawn: I don't know

Dawn: But I'm really scared and I broke up with Sully and I don't know what to do

Dawn: This is Max all over again

[ciaodawn]

📲 Ray ☀️

Reagan: ew

Reagan: you're rprengant ?!::!#<

Reagan: Dawn

Reagan: dawnt hink about the state of your vag

Dawn: no

Dawn: yes

Dawn: IT'S NOT LIKE I PLANNED IT REAGAN IT'S NOT LIKE I SAID OH BOY BEING PREGNANT AND PUSHING A FUCKING WATERMELON OUT OF MY VAG WAS AMAZING LET ME DO IT AGAIN A YEAR LATER THAT SOUNDS LIKE A GRAND IDEA I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED WE WERE CAREFUL

Dawn: don't tell mom I don't know what I'm doing

[ciaodawn]

📲 Ray ☀️

Reagan: right

Reagan: What do you need then?

Reagan: i have really aged wine

Dawn: I can't actually drink right now but maybe ice cream that sounds nice or cake anything like that I can stuff in my face and drown my sorrows in maybe some cheese puffs

[ciaodawn]

📲 Ray ☀️

Reagan: Wow your casual act? Iconic. Showstopping. Sully's a piece of shit. What did I say? I said, he'd be a piece of shit one day. He's a piece of shit. Russell? A piece of shit. shit shit shit.

Dawn: I don't need "I told you so"'s

[ciaodawn]

📲 Ray ☀️

Dawn: Hi Sunshine how are you it feels like I haven't talked to you in forever how's your life how are things

[sullyanderson]

“Well, I’m sorry. I didn’t know. They’d never said anything bad about you – well, Pearl hasn’t. I don’t really know Bradley,” he said, shrugging a shoulder. He tried to keep his distance from her, from anyone immediately close to Max. “Yeah well, bad people sometimes try to be good and good people sometimes do bad things. I’m still a bit confused by where I stand, so you can decide for yourself,” he said, unsure what he was rambling on about. At this point, he knew where this was going to lead and he wanted it over with. “Sorry, guess I didn’t notice. I’ve been a bit preoccupied as of late,” he said, chuckling humourlessly at her final words. “Right,” he said. “Well, good luck, Dawn. Finding a place to stay and all that,” he said through gritted teeth, before impulsively swinging a punch at the door.

[ciaodawn]

“I’m sure she was too busy sucking your dick to say anything,” she snarked, her lips curling around the words, coming up like acid in her throat. “No, Sully. You can decide. You can decide who you want to be.” The sour taste in her mouth grew stronger the more he spoke, laughing everything off, making a joke out of it. She tried so hard, every time, tried so hard to be caring, and supportive, and what that person wanted. And every time it bit her in the ass. “I have places to go,” she repeated. Her eyes widened when his fist came forward, her entire body tensing, flinching as it made impact with the door beside her. She didn’t even notice her eyes had screwed shut tight until she blinked them open, staring up at him in shock, her body shaking. “You are just like him,” she whispered, shaking her head frantically as she slipped away from him, slamming the door behind herself.

[ciaodawn]

Good luck, Dawn. Finding a place to stay and all that. The words echoed through her head as she drove to Emilie’s, glad that after everything that Emilie was still there for her, that she was welcoming her into her house. Dawn had no idea what she would have done if she really didn’t have anywhere to go. She wiped at her nose, sniffling and blinking the tears back as she raised a hand to knock on the door, her backpack slung over her shoulder. A pathetic mess, that’s what she looked like. She was sure of it. Dawn offered a shaky smile when Emilie opened the door, the tears renewing as she looked at her best friend. “I don’t know what to do,” she choked out, wiping hastily at her face.

@cmilic

[ciaodawn]

📲 Em 💕👯

Emilie: come over

Emilie: now

Emilie: right now

Emilie: i have at least 15 extra blankets

Emilie: and lots of cereal

Dawn: thank you

[ciaodawn]

📲 Em 💕👯

Dawn: hey um do you happen to have a spare couch

Dawn: I broke up with Sully

[cmilic-deactivated20181222]

Drawn out words met cautious glances.  Theirs was a dynamic strained by fierce loyalty and questionable actions, but she was never one to fight over a boy.  “The old days: what a concept at twenty-one.”  She mused, a flicker of a smile hinting at her formerly pursed lips.  “I’m good at pretending.”  The words seemed to escape her lips, as if she didn’t actually intend to say them.  “If we can never repeat the past we can at least try to have a decent future.”

[ciaodawn]

It was something that Dawn never wanted to go through, and yet here she was, skirting about subjects and choosing words carefully with someone who was supposed to be one of her closest friends. She couldn’t help the soft bark of laughter that escaped at Emilie’s words, pressing her lips on a smile. “We sound like old ladies right now, don’t we?” she murmured, glancing up at the brunette. “Me too,” she admitted. Dawn nodded, pulling her lower lip between her teeth. “I’d like that.”

[sullyanderson]

“Like what? What have they said? I would have said something to them if I knew they were mean to you, but I had no fucking idea,” he shook his head. He bit his bottom lip, trying to keep from shouting at her, keep his temper in check. He had a tendency to lose it when voices were raised and accusations were being thrown, the urge to throw grenades taking over. “I never said any of those things, Dawn. Maybe I’m just a shitty person, maybe it’s not about you at all,” he shook his head. “I shot my best fucking friend just last month and you’re only just now figuring that out,” he mumbled, rolling his eyes as she moved toward the door, moving quickly to press a hand to the door to keep  her from leaving. “Where the fuck will you even go, Dawn? Maybe you shouldn’t run from your problems for once in your fucking life, why not try that? It’s not like we’ve been fucking, it’s not like we’ve been behaving like a couple in any way other than the fact that we live under the same goddamn roof. And maybe that’s partly my fault. I think it might be. But I’m bored. I’ve been sober four years and I’m fucking bored. Do I want to be the guy that’s thrown in the drunk tank every weekend? The guy that gets arrested and charged in a fucking bar fight? No. But I don’t want boredom.”

[ciaodawn]

“I never said anything because it was before I even met you and you never showed any inclination to want to hang out with them after I met you, I try to avoid them for the most part now because I don’t like the way that they treat me.” Dawn ran her fingers through her hair, gripping tight at the roots. How did she always end up in situations like this? Relationships like this? She thought Sully had been the one to break the streak, that he would change things, that the cute boy who took her to his family’s diner on their first date would be the one to turn things around. “Maybe because you did a pretty good job at hiding that fact for the passed year, maybe because even when you told me all the shit you’d done before you’d gotten clean it wasn’t anything like this asshole standing in front of me.” Dawn closed her eyes, breathing deeply. “Let me leave,” she grit out, glancing up to him before looking back to the door, waiting for him to remove his hand. “I’ll go to a fucking hotel if I have to!” Dawn sucked in a breath at his words, her brows furrowing for a fraction of a moment. She stared at him in shock, mouth open in a small ‘o’, eyes narrowing. "I have been trying!” she shouted, turning to look at Sully. “We don’t fuck anymore!? Are you serious!? I have been trying, Russel, you think I want to just fall asleep next to you every night like some fucking awkward teenage sleepover? You think I haven’t been doing my damnedest to keep you interested? That I haven’t been racking my brain wondering what I’m doing wrong, what I could be doing better? Wondering if you’ve lost interest? That I haven’t resorted to being so pathetic as buying new lingerie hoping it would spark something out of you?” Dawn was breathing heavily, shaking her head in disbelief. “Well congratulations Sully, you’re sure as hell not boring anymore. And you’re free to fuck whomever you want, because we’re done.”

[sullyanderson]

“What the fuck have they done? I’m just – confused. I had no idea you guys even fucking knew each other,” he shrugged. “And yeah, they weren’t my favourite people when I didn’t know them. But at that time, Max beat the fucking shit out of me, so I naturally didn’t like them by association,” he shook his head, knowing he shouldn’t be rambling on about this, in defence of the girl he cheated on her with. “What do you want me to say? Ball’s in your court at this point. I fucked up and got wasted so much and fucked someone else, so it’s not like I have any room to defend myself here. I’m sorry. I am. But there’s just so much shit, you know? So much shit,” he shook his head. “So, I don’t know. Maybe you’re right. Being around me probably isn’t good for you right now.”

[ciaodawn]

“I just told you. It doesn’t even matter that I’ve never done anything toward either of them, every word out of their mouths toward me makes me feel like I’m two inches tall.” Dawn wet her lips, her stomach turning at Sully’s admittance. “You’re sorry,” she breathed out, nodding jerkily. “There’s so much shit Sully? Is there really? There’s just so much shit that I never tried to help you with, right? That I didn’t try to be there for you for? That I didn’t try to support you?” Her voice was escalating as continued. “Because I was a shitty girlfriend, right? That has to be it, because if I had done all of those things, what the fuck kind of person does that make you to do this to me? You promised,” she ground out, clenching her teeth. “You promised you wouldn’t hurt me.” Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry. The words repeated in her head. “You’re no better than Max,” she whispered, shaking her head sadly as she moved around him, grabbing the backpack she had on the couch and moving toward the door.

[sullyanderson]

“What makes you say she hates you?” he asked, curiosity peaked at this new information. He froze at her admittance, fist loosening from around the doorknob. He opened his mouth to speak, but shut it again, trying to find the right words to say. “Pregnant,” he repeated. “Are you sure?” Sully moved into the room, placing both hands on his head with a long sigh as he tried to think of how to handle this. “Dawn, that’s not,” he started. “We can’t handle a baby. You know that, right?” he shook his head. 

[ciaodawn]

“Because she treats me like shit? Sully, this is the same girl that you hated being around a year ago, I don’t understand why you’re hanging out with her, why you’re fucking her. Her best friend is dating Max and despises me, and they both go out of their way to make me know I’m not liked.” The words tumbled from her mouth in a rush, the hurt clear in her voice. “Yes, I’m sure,” she whispered, wringing her hands together anxiously. “No fucking shit we can’t,” she snapped, taking in a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “You can’t,” she started slowly, lowering her voice. “I think I might be able to this time,” she shrugged a shoulder weakly, chewing at her lower lip. “Whatever I decide to do,” she sighed, lowering her gaze, “I think I should move out.”

[sullyanderson]

The question that spilled from her lips had him leaning back against the door, hand wrapped around the knob as if preparing his escape route. “She’s fine. Why not ask her?” he said, the words strained as he forced them out. He was never a good liar. “Is there something you want to say, Dawn?” he asked her carefully, eyes directly on her. “Just ask whatever you want. Instead of skirting around the subject.”

[ciaodawn]

“Because she hates me.” Dawn bit down hard on her lip, her stomach sinking. She didn’t have the guts to ask, to say it out loud. But rumors spread quick around this campus, and she wasn’t immune to hearing them. So instead of asking, instead of getting an answer she didn’t want to hear, two words tumbled out of her mouth instead. “I’m pregnant,” she spit out, not taking her eyes off his.

[sullyanderson]

Sully had finally decided to go home, albeit, somewhat sober. He’d stopped at a campus pub on the way, having himself a rum and Coke, before finally deciding it was time to face Dawn. “Hey,” he said, carefully shutting the door behind him. He lingered in the doorway for a moment, eyes fixed on a scuff on the wall. “Sorry I’ve been so MIA. Busy, you know?”

[ciaodawn]

Dawn wet her lips, pulling her lower between her teeth and worrying on it gently. She watched the way he stayed in the doorway, frowning when he didn’t come farther into the house. “Yeah,” she nodded, a soft huff of breath escaping at his weak excuse. “Busy.” Her lips pressed tightly together, unsure if she should just spit it out, or if she should try to talk to him about something else. About the things he’d been doing, the people he’d been hanging out with. But she also didn’t want to start a fight. There were a handful of questions running through her head, but she didn’t want to sound accusatory. “How’s Pearl?” She tried to sound nonchalant, casual, but her voice came out slightly strained.

[ciaodawn]

It was easy for Sully to avoid being home when Dawn was there, he knew her schedule inside and out. So it was no surprise that she hadn’t seen him in a few days, and the fact that’s he was being so terrible at answering any text, she was becoming increasingly worried, especially with the news that she’d received. Twice, in a year and a half. She didn’t know how it was possible, but it happened. Even when she and Sully had been so careful. Now he was off God knew where doing God knew what with whatever bad influences, and Dawn had the sick feeling that this was Max all over again. That she would loose Sully just the way she’d lost him. Her ears perked up at the sound of the front door opening and closing, sitting up straight from her position on the couch. Spike heard too, scrambling his small body off the couch and running to the door, nails clacking against the wood. “Sully?” she called out carefully, pushing herself up and moving through the house, unsure if he was even going to be sober.

@sullyanderson