Today was stressful, if not awful. Last night, I lost a contest that I tried so desperately to win, spent the day grieving my loss, and I nearly lost a friend over everything. The contest involved getting as many votes as possible to be named a famous person’s “biggest fan”, and get a once in a lifetime opportunity to meet her. However, it was in the end, of course, an issue of popularity, rather than “truth”. The more votes you had, the more likely you were to win. Your argument for why you should win didn’t matter.
One of my friends did vote for me, as did many others, but didn’t even bother to tell her friends, or post anything about it on her facebook, as calling her friends would be “too much effort”. When the contest ended, she apologized, and mentioned that yes, she should have tried harder. Yet, fuming, I nearly hung up on her. I had to let her go---I had to back away for a moment to think, and then a few hours later I forgave her.
It’s true that sometimes it’s silly what chaos comes over such small things. I am trying now to put things into perspective. After all, the truth of the matter is that, though I have idolized this star since I was ten years old, she is very much a person, just like the rest of us. She breathes, she bleeds, she digests food, and dare I even say, excretes. She is a mortal---not a god---just like anyone else. The more I turn things over and over in my mind, the more I see that this contest absolutely wasn’t fair to anyone. Finding the “biggest fan” of a celebrity would be impossible. If they even exist, the biggest fan would most likely be exceedingly obsessive, if not “creepy”. There is indeed a fine line between being a fan, and being a fanatic. Do I even want to be her biggest fan?
Still, as with any other situation, there is always a silver lining. For one, I didn’t get nearly as upset as I did after I lost the last contest I participated in. This time I didn’t get my hopes up, and I do know how unlikely it will be to ever meet her. Yet, what I find touching is despite a few lazy friends, most of my friends proved how committed they were to me, simply by trying to help. Sometimes the little things matter more than the big. Reading everyone’s arguments and seeing how many people advocated for me comforts and touches me. However unlucky I am in contests, and even how few people I know, I can now see how much the people I do know care, and how willing to help and sympathetic they have been. I think that in the grand scheme of things, that’s all that matters. When I look at it that way, I am the luckiest person I know.
