[cityofangels444]

19. she/her.

lurking around, but if not, i’ve drifted somewhere trying to stop the passage of time.

just fragments, pictures, lingering thoughts.

would love to have mutuals if you don’t mind a sad child ♡

[cityofangels444]

I MISS SUMMER!!! (sometimes when i’m in the water looking back at the shore, i pretend i’m shauna shipman watching my homoerotic best friend talk to the girl i’m gonna hate for the next two winters)

[cityofangels444]

MASC SHAUNA SHIPMAN ♡ click for better quality

[cityofangels444]

favorite meal

on the days i only tasted nothing,

the emptiness fed me instead,

and the hunger made me forget

that i was starving

that i was ever waiting

for someone to reach across the table

and say, “here, this is for you.”

and then you came,

and tasting you for the first time

lit a candle in my chest,

warming the cold

i had carried for so long.

for the first time, i was fed.

the feeling made me want to keep you inside me forever

press the sound of you into my lungs,

so each breath remembered your taste,

until there was nothing left of me

that wasn’t you.

but fullness doesn’t last forever

the warmth fades, little by little,

the candle burns down,

and the cold creeps back in.

it feels as if my bones have been taken,

my body hollowed,

a shell of what once held you,

until i am empty again,

reminded that the only way to feel whole

is to fall hungry once more.

i keep hoping to taste you again,

just enough to remember what it felt like to be whole.

but everything since has felt like a meal that forgot to be you.

sometimes i think your love was never meant to feed me.

it only taught me how far my hunger reaches

how much of myself i could surrender

for the taste of being whole.

and yet, if you come back,

if you offered me even a piece of what we were,

i would take it.

i would open my hands, my heart, my mouth,

even knowing it would sit on my tongue

like the last taste of a meal

i’ll never have again.

you were my first meal after days of nothing,

and i’ve never been full since.

[cityofangels444]

shauna was so real for not wanting to go back to civilization just to get a j*b. i wouldn't go back either.

[cityofangels444]