Last night I...

A blog of what I get up to in the land of nod

[clairegemma-blog]

Last night I was in a very large classroom...

And it was teacher policy not to know the student's names - instead, they gave us nicknames. Mine was "Stag Face". My friend was late to class, and as a result, the teacher made her drink demon venom.

My friend slowly morphed into a demon, and cars were hung up from the ceiling to mark how far along in her transition she was; the cars got larger every time. When she was fully transformed, a lorry went up.

I tried to hide from my demon friend by jumping into a hotel that was the size of a doll's house, and there was a talking spider who kept singing a song about how she was a "strong, curvy black woman." I didn't have the guts to tell her that she was actually a spider.

[clairegemma-blog]

Last night I met Katy Perry...

And she taught me how to dirty dance to 'Dark Horse'. I cried.

[clairegemma-blog]

Last night I was at a magic show...

And the snake escaped its cage. When I left the building, I found a whole load of animals had escaped and were hanging round the streets. There were tiny horses that came up to my ankle, and turtles swimming in the puddles. There was also a gang of kittens rampaging the streets, terrorizing pedestrians for cuddles.

[clairegemma-blog]

Last night, The One Show...

Tagged a load of animals around town that needed food. I spent most of my time chasing after a shrew with my cereal bar.

Later, I was on the set of The Mortal Instruments and I was offering Jamie Campbell Bower money to act out what it would be like to wake up as a fish. He didn't do it.

[clairegemma-blog]

Last night I was having an affair...

With a Russian politician. He was in a secret organization that was working to bring down the government because of it's anti-gay stance. He taught me how to shoot a gun for my own protection, and then we had sex in an airfield.

[clairegemma-blog]

Last night I was an Acrobat...

and I was training to do a show on the moon. Well, they called me an acrobat, but I guess I was actually a stunts-woman, because I was training to do a motorcycle jump over a ramp that overlooked a huge moon lake. The journey to the moon was part by rocket, and part by dingy boat. When we got there, it actually looked a lot more like Mars.