aesthete

I'm Clarissa (Yang, Ace, Claris) from La Union, Philippines. I am a BEEd graduate, a UNICEF Philippines Educatiob Officer, a SIF Care volunteer, LINK (Lupon ng mga Indibidwal na Nangangalaga sa Kalikasan) Volunteer, event organizer, lecturer, speaker, proctor, innovates solution, designs experience and tell digital stories in between and a certified singer at the bathroom.

[clarissaapigo]

An Open Letter to the Girl with Anxiety

 Hi fighter,

How’s it going? Things getting rough?

Probably, you started the day just like everyone else. You, enjoying a nice cup of coffee or tea, some pastries or a smoothie bowl filled with your favourite oats and maybe a couple of side fruits. You opened Spotify to play your “pick-me-up” play list. You were dancing and laughing vibing every beat and suddenly, a wave of anxiety hits you. Right on the face.

Oh.

In a matter of seconds, things went black. You wanted to drop everything and just curl up.

You tried scrolling through your phone screen trying to find distraction.

You saw a friend having good time in Bali. You sighed and whispered “I hope I can enjoy the same view”.

You saw a video of a cute dog waggling his tail. You wanted to tap the heart button but realised how sad it is that you don’t have one. “I can’t be a good dog momma”.

Down, down.

*ping*

You got a message from your guy. “Good morning, sweetie! How’ are you?”

Finally, a slice of refuge. This is your time to let it all out.

“Hi! Not feeling well. Having a hard time dealing with...”

*erase, erase*

“Hi! I’m good! Ready for today’s workload!”.

That’s better answer right? You don’t really have to explain much. You just have to find some generic good words because it’s easier to conceal the truth than to open up.

Ever day is a constant struggle. Every day you worry, everyday you stress yourself out. You didn’t want to feel it but it comes to you like an inevitable plague. Sleepless nights, series of panic attacks and all the random scenarios continuously playing – they’re all part of the drill.

Sometimes, you wish it’s just PMS or some random mood swing. But no, it is way worse. It goes to a point where you cannot function anymore. A time when you cannot be a good partner or employee or daughter.

If only you have a choice.

Darling, let me tell you this, I’ve been there tons of times. I know it’s not a happy place but every time I swing by that space, I choose myself.

And that doesn’t mean choosing happiness (because it is not easy for someone who’s filled with anxious thoughts).

I choose myself by facing the ugly fuckin truth. That I am not okay.

I cry over things and feelings I can’t explain.

I sometimes leave a book unfinished when I feel like I’m getting off track. I go out without makeup when I don’t care about the world. I lie in bed for more than half a day and do nothing when I feel restless and sick for nothing. I ignore calls. Keep my curtains tight and my lights off because there are times when darkness is my solitude.

I know I’m not okay and it’s okay not be okay sometimes.

I’m not telling you to calm down. I hate that word too.

I’m not telling you to make it casual either because it’s not pretty at all.

I just want to get by.

If you want to talk, talk it out. If you want to deal with your demons alone then by all means, do it. I just want you to master the strength to keep going.

You may be having a hard time today but that doesn’t make you a less of a masterpiece.

You’ll realise that after a period of darkness, you’ll appreciate life more. All the happy moments with people you love.

You are beautiful. You are strong. And most importantly, you are loved.

You may not know me personally but my heart, my thoughts and my prayers are with you.

So today, I hope you get to choose your self.

Promise me that you will never give up, no matter what life throws at you.

Sincerely,

The girl who always smile despite her anxiety.

[clarissaapigo]

Self-love is Long Journey

Loving others is easy. Loving yourself is the hard part…. Or so we often think. But as many wise figures have remarked over the years, it’s in fact only when you first learn to accept and cherish your own essence that you can find the peace of mind to be truly present for your loved ones — and for your own life.

Self-love is not a luxury to be delayed or subordinated to the “real business” of going after your goals or caring for others. It’s not for nothing that when you board a plane, the run-through of the emergency landing procedures always tell you to place your own mask on first. Caring for yourself is the foundation of your strength and stability, without which you are of no use to anyone. And it’s the only thing will propel you forward on your journey and hold you steady when you inevitably stumble.

It's so easy to preach about self-love and confidence but at the end of the day our insecurities can eat us alive. Throughout my long journey of learning how to love and accept my flaws, I've learned that confidence can go a long the way.

Most people lack confidence. Some of the reason are; they're voice is bad, their hair is curl and frizzy, they are skinny/fat and etc. Yes it has a big impact losing our confidence. But loving yourself is must. How can others love you if you yourself cannot love it?

Embrace your flaws - one way on how to start to love yourself is embracing your flaws. If you are petite, chubby, small, tan, curl or whatsoever EMBRACE IT! God gave you those looks. Be you dear there are a lot of things to look sexy or beautiful. You can look beautiful and sexy by mean of being smart, kind, polite, clean and others, looks is just a bonus points.

Loving yourself is a big challenge. I know it will take time to and courage to love more yourself. In order to be successful at anything in life, you need to first believe that you deserve to be.

[clarissaapigo]

Self-love is a Must

It’s so easy to preach about self-love and confidence but at the end of the day our insecurities can eat us alive. Throughout my long journey of learning how to love and accept my flaws, I’ve learned that confidence can go along the way. 

[clarissaapigo]

I have one life and one chance to make it count for something... my faith demands that I do whatever I can, wherever I am, whenever I can, for as long as I can with whatever I have to try make a difference. #bloggersph (at Teacher's Camp)

[clarissaapigo]

My Journey with Depression

For the past months, I’ve been hearing about deaths about depression. Why do depress people choose death? It is their way of escaping things. Freeing their lives on society problems, peoples’ judgment and others.

  Last February I feel so lax and I feel so down. I don’t know going home after a long day from Practice Teaching makes me feel so weak (although I know that I am physically tired but the tiredness I am feeling during this time different) I will go home with a heavy heart. So last April, I decided to accept someone’s offer – to have a vacation. After a week of vacation, I went back here with no destinations and plans. During my vacation I went somewhere where I could gain my sanity; I went to Antipolo, Laguna and Alabang. I don’t know what to feel and I don’t want to stay in one place. Because staying in one place makes me feel sad. I don’t know what to do, I don’t know where will I go because the only thing I knew is that I want to be HAPPY.  In short I FEEL SO LOST. I want to feel that I am loved, I want to feel accepted, I want to feel that someone cares. I keep asking my self where did I go wrong to deserve all this pain that I feeling. I don’t want go to back in a place where everything else go wrong, I want to fix myself in that way I can face all the problems alone. I went home at ElYu (La Union) telling myself that that I should be happy and I can make it. Because if not, I will be lost in a game that I am the gambler and the problems are my cards. Happiness is my aces. It affected my life big time!

I was in the middle of my Practice Teaching when I was lost, I don’t know that to do, I don’t know if where I am going to take the guts to fight on this fight. I woke up one morning that I DON’T WANT TO PRAY, I DON’T WANT TO HEAR SOMETHING FROM HIM, I DON’T WANT TO HEAR THE WORD “GOD”  I DON’T WANT TO GO TO THE CHURCH. I was lost the wrong direction. I miss my old self, but I’d rather not go back to the old me because I want to change for the better. I want to find my worth as a woman, sibling, friend, and a daughter. But how? I don’t even know how to pray. I feel so ashamed for what I have done I really want to pray but I feel so shy and afraid as the same time. What if He will deny me? What if He will not accept me anymore? During this time I want to die, because in this the only way I can free myself from darkness. But these things made me realize:

1.   Happiness can be found during dark times.

2.   Being alone sometimes makes you strong.

3.   That in life the only person that you need is yourself.

4.   Love yourself more than others.

5.   And most of all, you need GOD because without him, life will not be happy without him.

  I doubted Him, but now it all makes sense, why I am here and why I am fighting.  I may have lost my way and may have impulsive decisions in life, IT ALL HAPPENED FOR A REASON. Never fight for something that isn’t meant for you. Know when and where to stop, trust your instincts and LOVE YOURSELF MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE. Value your life and don’t waste your time trying to prove to someone that you are worth it because the right person will see your worth if he/she is the right on for you.

  The things that I did to overcome my depression:

  1.   Freeing myself from judgments.

2.   Freeing yourself from hate.

3.   Find time to go out with yourself.

4.   Talk to your friends

5.   Explore different things in a good way.

6.   PRAY

  “How many suicides it will take to realize that the shit they say hurts?”

-      Hannah Baker

[clarissaapigo]

I'm so excited to more summer getaways! To be out with the sun and savoring every moments. I'm a outdoor woman. That's why I always need a #KeepACoolHead under the hot summer sun. Wanna feel fresh? Use Head and Shoulders Apple Fresh daily to get hair and scalp that's 100% itch and dandruff free.

[clarissaapigo]

When in Singapore They say, you have to get lost in order to find yourself. And so, I did. A few weeks ago, I got the chance to visit singapore. Just to brief you, I am not so much a traveller because time and money (LOL STUDENT FEELS) has been an issue to me. But this year I vowed to visit more places and SG was on top of my list (Thanks to my Mommy Lola hahaha!) Side info: My family and friends doesn't know about this trip EXCEPT my Mommy Lola of course. I am alone on this trip, I was alone exploring place, walking, riding trains, checking out stores and trying to relate some locals (even SG - based Pinays) Generally, the entire experience was sort of refreshing for me (hence this blog post) and while it’s just a sweet and short vacation, I discovered a lot about myself and learned a few things along the way. Note: This is not a “How to Survive Singapore” or “How to Travel Solo” kind of thing. This is more of my personal takeaway after exploring different places within the city, meeting people and going to spots I’m not very familiar with *wink wink*. So what did this entire SG hullabaloo taught me 1. It’s okay to get lost. I got lost many times during my trip. I went out in a different station, walked around the same street a hundred of times because I can’t seem to navigate (even with the help of waze), ate at the wrong restaurant and missed a number of train stops. To be fair, SG is a tourist-friendly space with signboards and maps all around the city. There’s even an app that will help you find train stations, check their schedules and provide other important information that you may need while you commute. The buses are also everywhere and it’s so easy to go from one place to another because traffic is a breeze. Maybe, I’m just too giddy to roam around that I can’t focus and concentrate on a single path and I keep on losing track (lame excuse haha). Surprisingly, I loved the idea of getting lost. While some don’t feel like getting out of the loop, I prefer to be vulnerable in strange places. It makes me feel stronger and makes me raise my game, physically. I also had several unexpected adventures — found a bunch of thrift shops, discovered some cheap street food finds and others so yes, getting lost is a not so bad thing. 2. Traveling alone is empowering. Being alone in a remote place sounds uncomfortable but I’d like to believe that after this trip, I was able to conquer my fears. I feel like I am an adult version 2.0! Haha! I felt a sense of empowerment.I found my own rhythm because my schedule is entirely mine. I get to decide where to go, where to eat, where to shop and what to do. I also had the chance to take a lot of nice street photos and for me this entire experience is quite fulfilling, 3. Travelling is about experiencing new things without spending too much. SG lifestyle is very much different from our local practice. Everything is pretty darn expensive and since I didn’t bring too much funds, I tried to work around my set budget. I maximised the trip by walking a lot. It was actually a wise decision cause I was able to find a lot of Instagrammable spots all around the area. I also didn’t spend to much on food except on that luxurious breakfast (thank you 7/11 rice toppings). I also didn’t shop for clothes because anyway, I got a whole pack of outfit in my luggage. Overall I think I did pretty well on my first solo trip. Being in an unfamiliar place made me see the world in a different light. I’ve learned to take it easy, become open to possibilities and embrace positivity in every way. I got to meet some new people who are based in SG. I was also able to learn a bit of their culture and of course. By travelling alone, I was able to discover myself and my capacity. Now, I just can’t wait to travel more and learn new things as I explore a bunch of places. As Freya Stark once noted, “To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.”

[clarissaapigo]

Ending the Stigma Attached on Getting Tattoos Having a tattoo in the Philippines means that you are already a subject to discrimination. As someone who has two tattoos, I've been there. Many jobs require that you do not have any tattoos, or visible tattoos, no matter how competent you are for the job you will not be accepted solely because of having a tattoo. There is also some judgment placed by employers to applicants with tattoos whether it is or not it is required that you shouldn't have a tattoo. You might get discriminated by people around you. Many parents don't allow their children to get tattoos for various reasons, but mainly for the prevailing stigma attached to having tattoos. Here are some arguments that aims to convince those judge and discrimination to think otherwise: • Common Myth: You can never donate blood again once you get a tattoo Many have said that you can never donate blood once you get a tattoo, or some says that you can after 5 or 10 years. Actually, I encountered a nurse in The Medical City Ortigas, who have a tattoo. I was so curious as he was the first nurse that I've ebcountered with a tattoo. I asked him how long the period does in take before you can donate a blood. He told me that it would take A YEAR AND A HALF, yes not forever. •Why I Got My Tattoos Since the cultural significance of tattoos in the Philippine history has long been ignored, and not taken into consideration by many. I feel that it is the time to get personal. • I have Two Tattoos My two tattoos represents my principles that I hold deeply in my life. 1. Wave & Sun As you all know, I was born and raised at La Union where many beaches are located. I love ocean, it represents my soul and personality. The calmness of the oceans and big waves during a storm. Just like life, there is a time to calm and there is a time when you cannot take it anymore and explode. It is the ocean and the sun where I could gain my sanity. 2. Love yourself Love yourself when no one else will. You are the only person who will love you even in the worst time. At the end of the day, the mere fact of having tattoos should not define a person. But unfortunately, many still do judge the book by its cover.Tattoos do not hurt you know what hurts? The judgment and the discrimination coming from different people when they do not even know the story behind those tattoos. Tattoos mean different things from different people.

[clarissaapigo]

Candid shots is still the best shots ✨ 📷 Kuya Russel #vsco #vscocam #vscofilter #instagood #instadaily

[clarissaapigo]

You Deserve Someone Who Chooses You Every Single Day It’s not easy. In a world where most people just choose to be complacent and “normal”, settling down with whatever that is on their plate is the easiest, most convenient option. If there’s anything I’ve learned in my course of 20 years, it’s that life is a huge shit. It’s a complex process of learning, loving, losing and battling personal fights in between. It’s about earning to survive and giving your best shot because the society expects you to do so. So the least you can do now is to be with people who don’t make life easier because cliche as it may sound but darling, you only live once and you gotta spend it with folks who will have great connections with you, no matter what the circumstances are. There are many things we may settle for in life: the food in the cafeteria, the water in the drinking fountain, the ass boss in your dream job, the clothes on the discounted rack. The one thing we should never settle for, however, is love. Love is a complex state. It should be a growing relationship with someone. It is more than a feeling of personal gratification —more than filling a personal void and way beyond any bodily desire. And while there are many average things in life, love should not be one of them. I’ve noted before that settling shouldn’t be an option (on mynold post dear woman, never settle for less), and this time I want to make things firm – love is a personal decision and a viable choice is always, always a necessity. So now ask yourself: What do I deserve? As you figure things out, you’ll realise that you can’t just settle with anything that is good enough. Because darling, you are a rare piece and you don’t need a gem who will complete you because you are a finished project. Instead, you need someone who will complement you and make you see life in a different light. You deserve pieces of happiness every day – morning kisses, tight hugs, long cuddles. You deserve letters, notes and Post-Its that remind you how special you are. You deserve someone who misses you the moment you walk out the door, even if you’ll only be gone for a moment. You deserve to always feel wanted, to never doubt for a moment how your significant other feels about you. You deserve the kind of love that makes you feel secured. The love that makes you passionate about waking up and gathering the courage to battle traffic jams and frequent anxiety attacks. You deserve someone who will allow you to grow on your own but catches you in your shortcomings. You deserve someone who is so sure of you. The one who will accept and appreciate your values and your wit. The one who will not change you and will love you for whoever and whatever you are. You deserve something that isn’t easy; a love that is hard and passionate and will make you learn things in wider horizons. Because you deserve someone who, without a doubt, will choose you every single day. Yes, you deserve it all. Not a fairy tale, not a fancy fiction story, just life and love in their simplest forms, through shits and bliss and everything in between. And you don’t even have to force it because you know that good things will eventually unfold. For now, enjoy yourself. Learn to find your own happiness despite life uncertainties until you meet the one you deserve. Again, I tell you, you only live once and a fulfilling kind of love is worth the wait. Always worth the wait.

[clarissaapigo]

Sugar and spice, but not always nice ♀️🔪 #vsco #vscocam #vscom #vscophile #vscoph #instagood #clozette #yang (at Kahuna Beach Resort & Spa)

[clarissaapigo]

train like a BEAST look like a BEAUTY #vsco #vscocam #vscofilter #vscoph #vscophile #potd #clozette #instagood #instavsco #instalove

[clarissaapigo]

Love at First Teach

“It always seems impossible until it’s done”

- Nelson Mandela

A month ago, I remember telling my friends that I don’t know how will I face my Practice Teaching because from the start I don’t want to take Bachelor of Elementary Education. But here I am, taking the road on becoming a teacher. Right now I AM ENJOYING MY PRACTICE TEACHING. It’s not easy to make instructional materials, lesson plan and to handle children but for me, the real challenge is - imparting knowledge and giving impact to your students.

However, last week, I started feeling week and laxed. I know it’s quite early (and too unlikely for me) to experience such kind of depreciation. With all what happened to my CT (Critic/ Cooperating Teacher) on Math “Why is she doing this to me?” “Have I done something really bad on her” And then I realized I am not this. I can do it, relaxed.

Teaching students is not really hard but handling them is. Entering in a room with students shouting bad words, fighting, teasing each other and playing makes me drained. These kids have short attention span They maybe the pinakamakulit and magulo among the rest but I love them. I love how they greet me and respect me. You only need patience in them.

We can make a huge impact in creating a better society. How to empower?

My mission is to be co-learner of the learners by facilitating the discovery of their life’s purpose and love for learning that will inspire and empower them in creating socially responsible innovations. I used the term “co-learner” because I believe that I just do not teach but I also learn from my students.

The goal is to train the children to have passion in learning then teach them how to learn.

Thank you, BEEd for giving me tha chance to love my course and kids HAHAHAHA!

Let me end this with my favorite qoute on my last blog post: I belive that education is a privelege everyone should enjoy. Whatever your status in life is, learn how to read and write and get enough educational support from the government and the society.

Much love, Clarissa

[clarissaapigo]

Happy Valentine's Day!❤ Love, teacher Yang #vsco #vscocam #vscoph #instalove #instagood #potd #teacheryang #clozette #clozettedaily

[clarissaapigo]

“Do not train a child to learn by force or harshness; but direct them to it by what amuses their minds, so that you may be better able to discover with accuracy the peculiar bent of the genius of each.” – Plato

[clarissaapigo]

loving this look I scored at @trendsetterteam ready to shop more this weekend at Megatrade Hall, SM Megamall #vsco #vscocam #vscopic #vscoph #yangwander #yangflatlays #POTD #clozette

[clarissaapigo]

"Never let anyone cast a shadow over your sunshine." — Micheal Faudet #clozette #clozetteco #clozettedaily #potd #vsco #vscocam #vscophoto #vscoph #vscophile #yangwander #yangflatlays