Haiku 7/26/2020
Please turn up that bass
A lonely night on repeat
I just want to dance

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@classicjm85
Haiku 7/26/2020
Please turn up that bass
A lonely night on repeat
I just want to dance
Friday Nights
Your weekend is here, time for the work to stop, You grab your cigars and your wine corks go pop.
Everyone is out having a great time, Everyone except me is doing fine.
I can count my friends on one hand, But can I count on them? No, I can’t.
Sit there waiting for the ring from your phone, You sit there waiting, alone at home.
There is no laughter, just silence all around, You’re as high as a dead man underground.
You dream of the girl you should be with, You hope that girl is real, and no myth.
There are no bright lights to keep you amused, Just darkness there, leaving you confused.
It turns late at night, too late to go out, You’d like to scream, but only pout.
Friday nights are the nights to go party, No friends mean no fun, that’s life, so sorry.
The Torch
I see hope in you, And yet I fear for what may come. The gray skies of old have torn in two With black seas rising over an ashen land. With so much changed, I only wonder: What will you be fond of in twenty nine years? The past was an escape, full of wonder, Yet, encased in alarm that I never wish to endure again. The time has come to obsess not on days long gone, But to dream of the days you will remember.
11 years ago today I went on my first date with Michelle. Never be afraid to take chances. I went on Match.com over 11 years ago and randomly sent a girl an email. Fast forward to now, and that girl and I have 2 wonderful kids, our dream home and a great dog. My life is everything I ever wanted, and it all started on a date with a curly haired bombshell in a crappy chinese food restaurant. Love you Shell! https://www.instagram.com/p/BudKcODHDhZ/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1n87533sjz8os
Happy 7th Birthday Liam! We love you! #sheltie #dog #dogsofinstagram #shetlandsheepdog #happybirthday #dogs https://www.instagram.com/p/BpxP63fHFW7/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=t3ssb06uuzex
They all float down here! You'll float too! #it #pennywise #georgie #halloween #halloweencostume #youllfloattoo #theyallfloat #halloweenmakeup #halloweenparty (at West Grove, Pennsylvania) https://www.instagram.com/p/BpOJNl7nCQo/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=rekqin2nmqx2
A very happy birthday to my sweet little girl! I just can't believe how big you are getting! You are never too big for your Dad though. I love you Fifikins! #birthday #birthdaygirl #5yearsold #daughter https://www.instagram.com/p/BoY6VPUnK_g/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=23ol34tzcbn0
Another great night! #hottubclub #theyhateuscausetheyaintus https://www.instagram.com/p/BnQJ-0fF3ge/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=rx3qua515h9w
ITS A BOY!!! #genderreveal #newbaby #JP3 #son https://www.instagram.com/p/Bm6s0-ulScY/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1td8qbkxqqah2
Happy 4th of July! Also, happy 20 weeks baby McDonald! #4thofjuly #pregnant #fourthofjuly #redwhiteandblue #bikini #momswholift #momsofinstagram
Five things I want to work on before I have my second child
1. I need to get healthier. About two years ago I began to gain some weight. It was just a stressful time in my life and it has been an uphill battle to lose the weight I gained. I joined a gym a few months ago and I have my good weeks and my bad weeks with it. I need to be more consistent in my diet and exercise regimen. With a second kid on the way, I need to drop this weight and get healthy. I have too much to live for and I don’t want to do anything to jeopardize that. I want to look good and feel good every day, not just some days.
2. I need to put my phone down more often. There are too many days I find myself looking at social media or random websites instead of doing something constructive. I could use that time to play games with my daughter, or go for a walk with my dog, or even do some chores around the house. It is 2018 and our phones have access to so many helpful apps, but sometimes you just need to get away from it.
3. I need to stop worrying about things out of my control. My wife loves the phrase “Give it to God.” I need to stop worrying so much about the people around me, even close family members, because I cannot control what they do or how they feel. I don’t enjoy watching people self-destruct, but if I have done everything I can to help a situation, I need to just let it go. I can’t stress myself out about others when I have enough on my plate.
4. I need to cherish the time I have with my daughter. When Fiona was about 2 months old, I was approached by an old man while I was shopping at the supermarket. He told me to “cherish every second, because they grow up before you know it.” I thanked him for his advice and stood there in the fruit and vegetable section in amazement. That man was so right. My little girl is going to be 5 in just over 3 months. I do cherish our time together, but I know I can do a better job. There are enough times times I have put off playing with her to wash dishes or do something else that could have waited. With a new baby on the way, I need to make sure I get in a few more meaningful “Daddy-Daughter” days with Fi. Also, in about 15-20 years I need to pass that advice on to a random stranger with a newborn, too.
5. I need to get ready mentally. When you have one kid already, you kind of take having a second one for granted. Before Fiona was born, I read books about being a parent, I got lists together, I watched videos; I devoured any information I could on how to be a good parent. I knew I would be a good Dad, but I still wanted to do the right research. This time around, I just feel like everything will be fine. Sure, I have the experience, but I shouldn’t take it for granted. I need to get myself ready to have another baby in the house. I should read books again about having a newborn and developmental stages, etc. Just because I am a parent already does not mean I am an expert at everything. Changing a diaper is second nature, but everything might not be. Better to be over-prepared than under.
Fiona is getting promoted to Big Sister! #baby #bigsister (at West Grove, Pennsylvania)
Stayed home today to get better, and I saw this guy when letting Liam outside. #frog #nature (at West Grove, Pennsylvania)
“Is this normal?”
Rarely do I ever wish I still had an active Live Journal. Tonight is one of those nights though.
Once I turned 10, I struggled with the thought “Is this normal?” What is normal? What is my life supposed to be like? Is this right? Am I doing life right? Do other people feel like I do? Does everyone else go through these things? Am I making the right decision? Did I just make a mistake? Should I regret doing that? Is it normal to think all these thoughts?
For so many years, basically until 2008, I second guessed a lot of my life choices. Once I met Michelle, a lot of those thoughts subsided. I mean, everyone has times when they second guess themselves or a decision. That is perfectly normal. It is just not normal to think that way about everything. Nevertheless, once I met Michelle, I felt like I slowly began to get my life on track.
No matter what happened in our lives, we had each other. I stopped thinking about regrets or mistakes I made prior to meeting her. For all those years, I relied on the hurt, the pain and the rage inside to fuel myself through life. Once I met Michelle, I stopped that. I relied on a solid foundation of love, trust and partnership to get through life.
Sadly, despite our boundless love and support for each other, there have been too many times over the last ten years where we have had to bond together and battle family drama. There is this constant struggle where we are concentrating on these endless conflicts that never get resolved. The sad reality is that most, if not all, of these conflicts are usually just reactions to reactions. So many pent-up emotions just continue to layer upon themselves until we get to the point where no one even truly knows why they are mad. Not to mention, simple conflicts are magnified and blown up a thousand times bigger than they need to be.
One thing I pride myself on is conflict resolution. For years I tried to fight the battles head-on. I would call, talk to people, and try to put out the fires as they came. It was an effective way to deal with problems, especially when it involved family members who avoided conflict and just internalized everything.
I think it was right around when Fiona was born where I began to feel more and more apathetic. I stopped being proactive with arguments or conflicts. I was tired of constantly playing the role of mediator. Once I had a child of my own, I became more protective and defensive. Quite frankly, the world could burn around me, and I did not care as long as Michelle and Fiona were okay.
Naturally, when you play the role of mediator or peacemaker for so long, and then stop, something is bound to happen. And it did. Blowup after blowup happened, and I just stopped caring.
It wasn’t until the family drama finally crossed into my daughter’s birthday plans for her third birthday that I woke back up. After months of hating myself for not being more proactive, and just watching from the sidelines, I stood up and started addressing the issues. A lot of good came from that, even though it was a tough journey.
However, again, as time goes on, you start to get fed up with managing so many personalities. I have a wife and kid. That should be my main priority, and is. And when people hurt your daughter or wife, intentionally or not, you get mad. You get even more mad when you know you have done everything feasible to try to make things work out, and they don’t.
Oh, and by the way I am a human too. I have feelings. When people you love and care for suddenly disappear, and do not tell you what is wrong, you are left to your own thoughts. When you reach out and get rejected or ignored, what else can you do?
You become cold. You start to pull back from those people who pulled back from you. You start reacting to things, and they start reacting to your reactions, and then no one is happy. And then you try to get everyone else on the same page, and that doesn’t work.
Not enough yet? How about you make major family decisions during all of this? We moved to another house. I got a promotion at my job. Michelle is starting a new job. And on and on and on. Life, etc.
And while this is all going on from your perspective, everyone else has their perspective. Even if they are wrong, and still think they are right, perception is reality.
Months and years go by, and everyone is just mad, tired and frustrated. Everyone puts up walls because they are tired of getting hurt. And worst of all, we have a kid who has never done a damn thing to anyone in her family. Does she deserve any of this? No.
I can’t help those who won’t speak frankly or honestly with me. I can’t fix the issues unless I know what they are. Also, my number one priority will forever be Michelle and Fiona. I have a job, social life, hobbies and a family. I can’t use up my reserve energy fighting about the same dumb things for years and years. Especially when I don’t see anyone else trying to fix it. You have to want to fix it to even try.
We have lulled ourselves into security, only to be drawn back into an argument or disagreement time and time again. No one ever thinks they are wrong. Everyone wants to be the victim.
What I would love to tell everyone is “Hey gang, everyone is wrong because instead of communicating, everyone isolated themselves, and now everyone is on a different page, and when someone tries to do right, they get burned and get mad all over again and the cycle continues!”
As cliché as it is, life is way too precious to be spending so much time being distracted by this stuff. Look, Michelle, Fiona and I have done so many great things while all of this arguing has gone on. The last few years have been some of the most rewarding I will ever go through in my life. It is a shame that some of my time and energy has gone into this senseless fighting.
Things will never be the same. That is just life. However things can be “normal,” or better yet, things can be nice, peaceful, happy, joyful, fun, fulfilling and enjoyable. All those years I wasted wondering “Is this normal?” Normal is an illusion. Life is just life, and you go through it, and you should make sure you have the best life possible. I don’t want to be stuck on auto-pilot and just coast through life and have a few highs and lows along the way.
My conscience is clear. I know how things went down. However, I stopped caring about being right or wrong a long time ago. I also haven’t cared if I am “liked” since like ninth grade. As Kevin Nash pointed out once, “When the boys realize you don’t care if you win or lose a match, they can’t do anything to mess with you.” If others want to still argue about right or wrong, let them. I don’t care.
I am at a point where I want to have a rewarding, fulfilling and meaningful live. Drama, of any kind, does not fit in with that goal. I will always be open to putting it all back together, but that is a joint effort that can only work if everyone truly wants it to happen. And you can’t fake that.
Haiku 3/22/2018
Look out to the sun
A cool breeze hits my face hard
It can still end well
Norma
I am not a perfect person. I know that better than anyone. However, I try to be kind or generous when I can. I need to work on that more, along with a boatload of other things, but I have to say, I am proud of myself about something that happened a few days ago.
My niece’s 4th birthday party was coming up. All the kids were supposed to dress up as princesses, knights, dragons, basically anything related to princesses or fantasy. Well, some of the adults decided they were going to dress up as well. My niece’s dad said he was going to dress up as a king, so I decided I wanted to be the one character that could destroy the king: a wizard. Not like Harry Potter either; I mean a medieval magical sorcerer. So, I ordered a wizard costume off Amazon.
The costume was supposed to arrive on Friday, the day before the party. Well, Friday came and no costume. I checked Amazon and the costume was delayed and sitting in some facility in New Jersey (I live in Pennsylvania for the record). I needed the costume for Saturday morning, because that was the when the party was taking place. I was bummed. My wife and daughter were going as princesses. I did not want to have to scrounge around my attic to see if I could put together some chintzy substitute.
Saturday morning came early for me since I woke up at 6:45am due to my dog whimpering for breakfast (so spoiled). After feeding the beggar, I hopelessly checked my phone to see the status of my wizard costume. To my surprise, the costume had been shipped to my local post office around 4am. The mail would never arrive at my house before I needed to be at the party that day. It was a longshot, but I decided to go to the post office and see if I could pick up the costume myself.
I arrived at the post office around 7:10am, only ten minutes after it opened. Since it was a Saturday, no one else was there except me. An older woman greeted me as I walked in. She asked what she could do for me, and I explained my situation. She asked for the shipping number and address for my package, and I gave her all of the information. I knew it was unlikely she would find it since it was going out to mail that day, but I still figured it was worth trying.
The woman updated me that the package was indeed at the facility, but she was not sure where it was. She began looking for it, and after about 10-15 minutes, she came back with a warm smile across her face and the package in her hands. I was so happy that she had found the package. She really did not have to go searching for it that long. I am sure she had to dig through the mail that was going out that day, but she made sure she found it.
After she gave me the package, I thanked her repeatedly and told her how much this was going to make my niece’s day. Before I walked out the door, I made sure to look at her nametag so I knew who had just done this great deed for me. Her name was Norma.
I left the post office and got into my car. Without even thinking, I decided to go on Facebook on my phone and click on the community page for the town I live in. I wrote 2 paragraphs about how grateful I was for Norma going out of her way, digging through packages, and ultimately finding my package. I explained how this package was for my niece’s 4th birthday party. I even went as far as saying how there are still good people in the world, with many of them in the town we live in.
I drove home after I posted the message on the page. My wife, daughter and sister-in-law, who was staying with us, were all excited that I was able to get the package. I told them about how kind Norma was.
After about an hour, I checked my phone and my post had over 200 likes and about 25 supportive messages. I was shocked because I do not think I have ever received 200 likes on anything I have posted on social media in my life. However, I was excited because so many people were showering Norma with love and support. One gentleman even thanked me for posting something positive on the page; his point was there are far too many negative or political posts on there anymore, which is true.
Eventually I put on my wizard costume and went to my niece’s birthday party. We were the hit of the party! All of the kids, especially my daughter and niece, loved that we dressed up in costumes for the party. Who wouldn’t have fun dressing up as a wizard and shooting pretend fireballs from your fingertips while chasing ten kids around the house?
The point is, dressing up made a huge impact on my niece, my daughter and the other kids. They had a fun time playing with the adults who dressed up. I would not have been able to do that without the kindness of a complete stranger who went above and beyond her job early on a Saturday morning for a guy she did not know.
Oh by the way, I checked Facebook the next day, and over 400 people had liked my post about Norma. I thought that was great. There were more comments too. So many people were commenting how nice Norma was or how wonderful it was that someone had been so helpful. I had hoped that someone would show Norma the post.
A few days after the party, my mother-in-law went to the post office. Norma was there, and my mother-in-law had seen the post I made after Norma helped me. She thanked Norma again, and Norma was so joyful that she started to cry. Apparently her co-workers were teasing her that she was a celebrity because of my post. I guess dozens of people had brought it up to her when they visited the post office. Norma told my mother-in-law how grateful she was for my post on the community page on Facebook. That really made me happy. I was glad the community not only liked my post, but went to the post office and let Norma know how great she was.
A day later, I received a small card in the mail. It was from Norma. It was a thank you to me for my “beautiful post on Facebook.” Norma is clearly a humble woman and was just so thankful. She must have saved my address when I gave it to her the day I picked up the package. She took the time to write me a card and that just blew me away. What a lovely person.
So, why am I sharing this story?
A person I never met, in a town I moved to a few months ago, helped me find a package that was for my niece’s 4th birthday, and since I had that package, it made my niece’s day, and I publicly shared this story, and a community of people showered this helpful person with support and then she took the time to thank me with a hand-written letter.
One simple act of kindness impacted dozens of people.
“No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.” – Aesop
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