This was both inspired by this post and by the conversations I had with friends on discord. We joked up the concept of Clyde eating Alex's weed gummies cause i remember hearing somewhere it's fav candy was gummy bears. Ultimately, this lead to this 1.7k word fic being created. I hope everyone is in for a ride. It should be noted I've never been on weed, so there's probably some inaccuracies. Just pretend that cause of veldigun.
(nevermind the veldigun in canon can't get drunk or high but ssshh)
If there are issues involving boundaries, this will be deleted.
Tw for Drugs (weed)
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By now, Alex knew what to expect the second they got home from work: Clyde getting up to some kind of mischief or somewhere sleeping (Depended on whether they had the night or day shift), all while a bunch of random hallucinations danced around like sugar plums on christmas. Usually the hallucinations were depicting the shadows of kids, that weird ghost they disguised themself as, or a being that looked like it and a larger being Alex had theories on being that “partner” it’s looking for.
What Alex did not expect was a thousand, pretty much shapeless, hallucinations in bright, neon colors, which were spinning around the living room as if it were a planetarium. In the middle of it all, laying upside down in a pile of blankets, cushions, pillows and other such soft looking material that Alex could tell came from around the house, was Clyde, who had a thousand yard stare as it’s many different voices muttered things Alex couldn’t even vaguely understand.
Ok, so something was up with Clyde. Now the question was what.
Alex’s first thought was it somehow a sort of seasonal behavior thing, like the hibernation it went through a few months ago. Alex was praying that this time they wouldn’t accidentally get dragged into it, but then they looked at the walls the hallucinations were projected to. Their shape suddenly reminded Alex of something:
Gummy Bears.
Alex recalled Clyde talking about it’s love of Gummy Bears some time ago, but why was it the hallucination? Alex figured, perhaps since Clyde was in this zoned out space, asking might work. “Clyde?” Alex called to get it’s attention. To Alex's shock, instead of being ignored, Clyde whipped it’s head towards them so fast it could have given Alex themself whiplash. The two stared at each other for a few seconds (Clyde’s was intense and locked directly on to Alex, while Alex’s was filled with vague fear and too afraid to look anywhere else).
“ALEX!” Clyde yelled as they quick moved into a position Alex immediately recognized. They were just barely able to dodge before Clyde moved to ponce. “They’re gonna eat me. This is the moment. I’m dead.” Alex's panicked mind told them. They braced for a second, preparing for an attack.
But the only attack they got was Clyde word vomiting.
Alex slowly stopped bracing and stared at the veldigun, who was now standing over them with a large, thick blanket (the one they got from the white elephant game last christmas. They remember it so well since Roy stole the panini press grill they got first). “Clyde what-” is what Alex started to say before said large, thick blanket was thrown on top of them. They could feel Clyde grab them and pick them up in said blanket, before dumping them onto the pile.
“There, with this blacket I found now we don’t need to worry about touch. I can keep you safe right here, only I go out.” Clyde stated like it didn’t sound like they were keeping them hostage. “Great plan I know!”
Alex was able to get their head out of the pile right before Clyde laid directly on top of them. Alex hadn’t felt this much weight on them since college when they visited a friend and their great dane sat directly on top of them. Only this time it felt like there were now three. Apparently, while Alex had been thinking of this, Clyde had begun talking again.
“-I mean, today you were a whole half hour late getting home. A whole half hour. This must mean you are hiding something, like you're getting questioned. Of course, you’d be the type to panic and accidentally reveal something. So someone’s gotta protect you.” Ah, so being in a weird state doesn’t change the fact they like to sass ok. Alex stopped paying complete attention when they looked at the creature’s eyes. … When did they get so red?
“-and I do care about you, and I never want to ever see you hurt. I miss you everyday you leave. Today I just sat on your bed for an hour missing you. Sitting on your bed wasn’t too bad though. I found these gummy bears in the bedside table drawer and-”
“WAIT GUMMY BEARS?!?!” Alex interrupted Veldigun's rant, for a horrible, terrible, completely awful realization came to Alex’s head. Clyde’s confusion only gave more fear to Alex.
“What about the gummies? Sure they tasted a little different from the usually gummy bears, and now i feel my ooze shifting around my entire body but I just assumed-”
“How many did you eat?” Alex firmly questioned.
“...I don’t know… Thirty-teen? I saved some cause I felt bad about eating all of them from you. That's a funny thing you do to me Alex, I feel bad doing “Mean” st-”
“Oh fuck…” Alex whispered. That horrible, terrible, completely awful realization has now grown thirty-teen times worse. Clyde still looked at them confused, before getting distracted and looking at one of the hallucinations.
“Haha, that one looks like a bear in a banan-” “Clyde those were my edibles.” Alex uttered in fear. “Your High. On Drugs. Weed.”
Clyde stopped and stared directly at Alex’s face. It seemed to contemplate things, or maybe it was pulling memories from some other they ate, looking for anyone who it ate that has eaten edibles. (Alex made a worthless attempt to escape the pile of blankets and other soft things while Clyde was in this state of thinking.)
“Why didn’t you label it?” Clyde questioned with an attitude.
“I don't know, it‘s in a personal location people shouldn’t be going though. Why were you looking in my bedside table?” Alex sassed back.
“It was open!”
“Sure, sure. Can I leave-”
“NO!” it yelled as it wrapped its arms around the soft items pile it trapped Alex in. When Alex shut up, it looked them directly in the eyes.
“The caretakers, they probably know I’m here. They’re gonna tell Lankmann and then he’ll take you from me. You’ll be hurt and mistreated, and I’ll be alone and by myself again. I don’t want to lose you. I really don’t. But now if I keep you right here in this amazing nest I made, you’ll be nice and safe and warm and-” Clyde continued it’s rant on the importance of keeping Alex safe and protected from the terrible foundation. Alex listened intently to the veldigun; if they could’ve, they would have placed a hand on it’s cheek for comfort.
The rant came to a pause as Clyde began pointing out the different hallucinations, and Alex decided to finally say something.
“Clyde, I had no idea you cared that much. I find it awfully sweet, however, you know I can’t stay in this… nest.” Alex softly explained. Clyde just gave it puppy dog eyes (how and when could it do that) as it started to cuddle.
Most likely, all this was because of weed, and not genuine. So while Alex was touched by it saying it cared about them, Alex should probably find some kind of distraction to get Clyde away from these thoughts until the high ended.
Luckily, they had a TV with a VHS player and some tapes in a cabinet on the other side of the room. Now to get Clyde off.
“Hey Clyde, since you don’t want me to leave the pile, what if you got some Non-Editable snacks for us to eat? I’m sure we’re both incredibly hungry.” Alex offered. Lucky for them, Clyde perked up at the mention of snacks.
“I can do that! Can’t protect you if you're hungry!” it exclaimed as it got up and trotted to the kitchen, brightly colored hallucinations leaving with it.
Now was Alex’s turn to move.
They quickly (and quietly) escaped from the nest and snuck over to their VHS cabinet. Inside were a bunch of different video tapes, all Alex needed were some good videos with pretty colors and silly voices, preferably horror for Clyde. Alex was perfectly aware they had very little time to choose, and they had to act fast.
They began going through a rapid pace, trying to find the perfect one for Clyde to watch. From the kitchen, Alex could hear it go though cabinets for food. They also heard the dishwasher going off. Alex was now going to ignore the sounds coming from the kitchen. This was for the sake of sanity.
Alex, who noticed some of the bright colors returning to the room, eventually told themself “screw it” and grabbed a random tape. They removed it from the slip case, and inserted it right into the player as soon as they started to hear footsteps approach the living room. Right as Alex hit the play button, Clyde entered the room.
“What the hell Alex, get back in the-”
“La la la la, La la la la, Elmo’s world!”
…And Alex came to the horrible realization they inserted one of the joke gift they ended up with from the white elephant game two years ago: six vhs tapes of Sesame Street (remembered cause Lauren admitted it was just to get rid of old tapes her kids didn’t watch anymore). Alex thought they grabbed at least something scary, like Critters, cause they knew that was something Clyde would enjoy. But goddamn Sesame Street? This was a wild card. Clyde could either be unimpressed or decided “fuck it, they die”.
But surprisingly, neither happened. In fact, Clyde seemed to get… entranced by the show. Alex moved away from the TV so Clyde could get a better look. Said veldigun sat on the nest, putting down the “snacks” (Alex was pretty sure it brought back some dish soap, a sponge and what looked like all 5 bags of sandwich bread) it got, and just watched the show. Alex observed for a minute before also joining in on watching Sesame Street.
The rest of the night was spent in this way, just watching those tapes of Sesame Street. They’d occasionally joke and chat, but it was mostly quiet from that moment on. It was quite nice. Soon, both would pass out from sheer exhaustion, Clyde would finally be sober from weed and deny remembering anything from that night (Alex couldn’t tell if it was lying or had genuinely greened out from gummies), and Alex won’t make mention of this night to it.
But right now, they were just a human and a veldigun, one high as a kite, and just chilling watching some puppets sing.
My buddy, @grape-of-agayte, has been looking for a sitcom au fic. it was a Sicfic where Alex got sick and Clyde had to sneak into a pharmacy to get them medicine while wearing a bad disguise. Other details they mentioned included:
-2k words
-posted to tumblr
-Alex had braid cause spiders
-First scene had Clyde stealing pepto minis
-Alex had a pine allergy
If anyone knows this fic, or is the author, feel free to send us a link to the fic or inform us of it's fate. Hope y'all can help us find it.
My buddy, @grape-of-agayte, has been looking for a sitcom au fic. it was a Sicfic where Alex got sick and Clyde had to sneak into a pharmacy to get them medicine while wearing a bad disguise. Other details they mentioned included:
-2k words
-posted to tumblr
-Alex had braid cause spiders
-First scene had Clyde stealing pepto minis
-Alex had a pine allergy
If anyone knows this fic, or is the author, feel free to send us a link to the fic or inform us of it's fate. Hope y'all can help us find it.
A/N: ok so context, I have a little theory that Alex and Winfrey are related, and this is me turning it into an au. It might be a bit cringe but I hope y'all enjoy.
TW for some ableist language after “Dad, please, Alex really liked the pair when we went to the eye doctor today-” and "And the only response they’d get to defending themself was:", it's nothing too bad I think, but just wanna mention that as a just in case
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Winfrey knew. Of course they knew. Everything about them gave it away.
The dark green eyes that reminded them of oak trees.
“Daddy! Daddy! Can we go to the park today? I really wanna try and get to the top of the big oak today!”
“Sure Al, just let Daddy finish writing this lesson real quick, alright? You can get your shoes on in the meantime.”
“Yay, Thank you Thank you Thank you!”
“Woah, haha, Careful- and they're already gone.” a sigh “Tell Your Grandparents We’re Leaving!”
“OK!”
The long brown hair that went all the way to their shoulders.
“Alex, I am so sorry. I thought your hair would have been fine.”
“It’s Not Fair! Why’d They Cut It!”
“The dress codes says-”
“Says Baloney!”
A stifled laugh.
“I should get to have my hair how I want it! Daddy, you're an adult, they’ll listen to you. Tell Them!”
“... oh honey, they… won’t.”
“Why Not?!?”
“... same reason I missed Christmas last year.”
Those round glasses with the green frame that made their eyes look slightly bigger.
“Winfrey, why the hell would you need 55 dollars for a pair of glasses.”
“Dad, please, Alex really liked the pair when we went to the eye doctor today-”
“Tell ‘em no! Your already in enough debt from your little freakout-”
“And You Want Me To Explain That To A FUCKING Six Year Old!?!” Silence, while breathing.
“Dad I promise to tell Alex you paid for them and I promise to pay you back, just… please. Alex needs glasses and I want to make sure they get a good pair. I won’t ask you for anything else after this. Just do it for your grandkid.”
“...fine. But I expect the money to be spent ON the glasses.”
“They will be, Dad, I promise.”
The way their hand trembled while holding that… strange device with the flashing light.
Loud, Intense crying.
“Al, look, there’s no monster outside. It was just some trees. It’s ok.”
“But- but- It was scary! It was prob-prob-bably gonna eat me!”
“Alex, look at me, just for a moment. … that's it, look at you, you brave little guy. Now, listen to me: Monsters aren’t real. Just little images us creatives come with from time to time. Nobody’s out there planning to eat you up. Just the pines right there.”
“You- You promise Dad-Daddy?”
“Yeah I promise Alex.” A hug. “... I will say one monster exists. It's called THE TICKLE MONSTER!”
“Ahhahahahahhaha DAAAAADDYYYY!”
Oh… how so much had changed in the last twenty or so years, yet so much was the same. It was still their (or well the human who they had consumed but they were mostly the same person now) little one. Who they had spent the last six years of their human life caring for. Who they only thought of as they spent quite a bit of those six years here in this damned asylum. Who had been the only person they left the maternity ward with before they inevitably had to plan the funeral of their first love.
Their Alex.
(who notably carried some scent of their partner. Not intense enough to have been Clyde wearing their skin, but enough to tell Alex had been around it frequently. They internally prayed to Six their child had not taken Clyde as well as them.)
It was a moment where they had seemed to have lost the voice of that first human victim, substituting it with a “Help me” from a patient they had consumed some memories with Alex from sometime ago. Alex had always been one to help others in need.
However, before Alex could say anything, that Dreaded man grabbed their attention.
“Daddy, when will you be back?”
“Just another week Al, just another week. Once I’m out, we’ll do all sorts of fun things together. I’ll play you the violin, I’ll get us ice cream with three scoops, i’ll even see about getting you that cat you’ve been wanting.”
“Black with yellow eyes?”
“Yes black with yellow-”
“Mr. Williams, your time is up. Best to get back to your… therapy.”
“Just a bit more time, we just need to-”
“No Mr. Williams, your child must leave now.”
“Just A Bit-”
Winfrey watched as the Doctor sent Alex away again, this time not even allowing for a conversation at all. And as he shut those doors, as he turned his head back to them with that horrid smile, Winfrey knew another thing:
Lankmann knew as well.
—
Alex slammed their bedroom door shut. So What! They bleached a section of their hair blonde, not a huge deal! Unlike Stacy, they didn’t make their hair fall out. So why the hell was Grandpa so annoyed by it?!? They were sixteen, they could do whatever the hell they wanted!
Alex fell onto their bed and screamed into their pillow. Ever since Grandma died back in August, he’s been on their back over everything! No matter what they said or asked, it was always the wrong thing! And the only response they’d get to defending themself was:
“Careful Alexander, you're becoming your father.”
Which would make Alex completely annoyed. Without Grandma there to smack him on the head and cry “Benedict!”, he could say it as much as he wanted. Elementary and Middle School were bad enough with the fear and bullying over their father’s mental health and disappearance, but at least by High School it had frizzled out and Alex could finally make some real friends. With Grandpa, he could never let it go! It pissed them off so bad. Maybe their dad wasn’t the most healthy mentally, but they were good to them and grandpa should stop acting like they weren’t!
Alex let out a final groan as they looked at their clock and- oh it was already 8:30. Alex had plans to go to a party at Sean’s, and Rick confirmed that the cute girl from chem was gonna be there. Sure, Gramps may have “Grounded” them, but they had made it to the top of the oak tree with and without dad’s help. Leaving out the window and climbing down a two story house was easy.
Alex got up from the bed and went to their closet.
But… something outside the window caught their eye.
Memories of their dad comforting them from some trees blowing a bit too hard outside flooded their brain. “Little images us creatives come with from time to time”, they could hear their dad whispering to their crying six year old self. It had been years since then, and by now Alex knows monsters aren’t real (Until this would later be proven false when they’d come home from college for a bit to plan Grandpa’s funeral in Fall ‘86. What started as a fun get together with some old high school buddies on halloween ended with being interviewed by the local news about six missing kids and later on getting a job offer as an archivist for The Lankmann Foundation as protection from the “Veldigun”. Well, that benefit of the job would be thrown away as they’d proceed to feed the veldigun that ate said six kids), but yet Alex couldn’t help but wonder…
and them getting cuddles from Winfrey, inspired by cats i saw on tiktok
(Headcanons, tw for small body horror)
(about veldigunification in general)
-there’s three technical “phases” of veldification.
-first phase is the “human to veldigun” line, this is the slow begins of becoming a veldigun, gaining base traits, like wings, claws and tentacles
-The second phase is where the goop comes in. it can happen in a quick second, and it’s where the body turns into straight up goo. It’s not painful if you don’t pay attention which is easy to do (like if you’re killing a man) and one is likely to not notice it happened until they look at their hand. (This happened while Alex was killing Lankmann.) This is the technically when one is officially a veldigun, just incredibly unstable and goopy, like near flock levels goopy. Plus the veldigun instincts and human mind aren’t totally in touch with one another. Essentially, brand new veldigun who just ate a human mind.
-The third phase is stabilization, where the veldigun goo and human mind become in sync and humongous. Goo also starts to solidify, not completely but it’s less gooey in appearance and more able to stick together, more Clyde or Simon levels of gooey. This process usually takes up 6 weeks to 6 months. This Alex design is mid way through that process, and take place at least a few weeks post-sitcom.
Also little extras:
A new veldigun will gain features from the veldigun/veldigun pair who caused transformation. This is why Alex has two ram horns of different sizes, yellow on the tentacles where the blonde was, and their colors on their sleeves. However, Alex got wings and a goat tail because while they were in phase 1, they had commonly consumed animals Simon had on their farm, like crows and goats. (Also I thought Alex with one of those goat tails would be cute)
They can extend their hair tentacles and tail very far, useful for grabbing pray.
They can open eyes from any where on their body, but only green eyes appear on tentacles with yellow.
I headcanon human Alex as heaving green eyes, so the green eyes and bit of green is a sign they were once a human. If any more human became veldigun, this would also be a trait they’d have.
Message From The Sitcom Au Discord Mods: In Regards to Having Pastra in Aus
Hello, I know recently a lot of us have been excited about our aus, which is a wonderful thing, and have been including pastra in them (I do not take innocence in this), but after recent dissaproval from the Pastra mods, we have decided it would be best to stop making aus with Pastra. In the eyes of the fandom, the personalitly and real person are very much the same, and turning a real person into a character without consent can have dangerous consequences. It's still wonderful we are being creative, but Pastra is a real person. There's no one person to blame, a lot of us just got to excited and accidentally went too far. Let's all stop aus involving Pastra the creator, or at least shelf them until they can be reworked to not have real people."
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