Bez tytułu

[cloudmind03]

Andrew drinks Hershey's chocolate syrup straight from the bottle. Throughout the day, he simply goes to the fridge, grabs it, and drinks it.

[cloudmind03]

Andrew loves super sour gummy candies and very sweet snacks and drinks. They give him a strong feeling that quickly focuses his brain on the Here and Now. This helps him when he feels overwhelmed by too many stimuli. Without really knowing it, he is hacking his own brain.

​Cigarettes also helped him calm down and handle stress. Because of this, I am worried that after he stopped smoking, the strong temptation to use drugs or even hurt himself came back over time.

[cloudmind03]

Trigger Warning (Andrew's trauma)

​The thought that Drake had friends who refused to believe he was a monster terrifies me. Within a year of "That Day," Andrew received several messages accusing him of seducing a good man, a soldier. Andrew never told anyone, but one day, he could no longer pretend nothing was happening. It was the day he opened an envelope from the mailbox and found a photo inside. A photo of him and Drake. On the back, someone had written: "He loved you like a brother. Tell the truth!" Andrew remembered with excruciating clarity when Cass had taken that picture, and exactly what had happened in his room less than an hour before. That was the first time Andrew ever cried in front of Neil because of what had been done to him. This is heartbreaking.

I think Neil found them and stopped them once and for all

[cloudmind03]

I need to read aftg from Aaron's Pov.

[cloudmind03]

Officer Higgins came to see Andrew in person to break the news about Cass's death.​ Because he knew that despite everything, the news would hurt him.

[cloudmind03]

Andreil's relationship grew closer and closer after the events of TKM. ​

I think that one day, while they were on a flight to an away game, Neil asked Andrew for permission and subtly, so as not to draw too much attention from the rest of the team and the other passengers, took Andrew's hand for takeoff. He did the exact same thing during landing.​ On their flight back after winning the game, Andrew was the one who sought out Neil's hand, lacing their fingers together. Andrew didn't make any eye contact with Neil in that moment, because he is Andrew and he still has to pretend that nothing affects him. But it warmed Neil’s heart, knowing that Andrew was truly letting him in.​

From that flight onward, Andrew no longer needed his pen or pencil.

[cloudmind03]

​Andreil has custom burned CDs in the car. Whenever Neil is driving and happens to be in a really good mood, he occasionally sings along. Andrew purposely put a few French songs on those playlists, and Neil never skips them when they come on. Andrew secretly adores it.

[cloudmind03]

I just want to remind you all that when Andrew touched himself, his memory allowed him to recreate Neil's image as if he were seeing him right in front of him. Every single situation that turned him on, and so on.

[cloudmind03]

Andrew’s mind never forgot a thing. Not a scent, not the angle of the light, nor the precise touch of a coarse fabric. When his exhaustion reaches its peak, reality begins to fray at the edges, and old memories overlay the present, twisting into terrifying waking nightmares.

[cloudmind03]

I have something funny and cute for u

Part 2.

That was when Abby walked in. Nicky had clearly explained the situation in total hysterics, because she immediately pulled special soothing drops and saline solution from her bag. ​"Andrew, help him lie down," she instructed. ​Andrew shifted deeper into the couch and pulled Neil with him, letting the redhead rest his head on his lap. Abby efficiently administered the drops into Neil's eyes. He groaned again as the medication stung, but Andrew kept his hands firmly on Neil's shoulders, anchoring him in place.​ Once Abby left, leaving them with the medication and instructions, silence fell over the room. Andrew sat motionless, his fingers mindlessly brushing through strands of Neil’s ginger hair. Suddenly, he leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to Neil's forehead, right above the irritated skin.​ Neil smiled faintly, still not opening his eyes, though the pain was finally dulling into a throbbing ache.​ "You know what, Drew?" He started, a hint of amusement in his voice. "Something good actually came out of this whole mess. "​Andrew raised an eyebrow, even though Neil couldn't see it. "Oh? Did Nicky finally sign up for a course on how to operate everyday objects?"​ - "No," - Neil shifted his head in Andrew’s lap, getting more comfortable. "Even though it hurts like hell, it was nice having you as my personal nurse. Concern really suits you."​"Shut up, Josten," Andrew muttered, but he didn't remove his hand from Neil's hair. "Or next time, I’ll let Nicky test a taser on you."

[cloudmind03]

I have something funny and cute for u

Part 1.

It was one of those absurd situations that could only happen in the Foxes room. Nicky, fascinated by a new self-defense gadget he’d bought, decided to check how it works. He hadn't expected a stream of thick, orange gel to shoot out with such force, hitting Neil right in the eyes just as he was walking into the living room.​ Neil let out a choked cry and instantly doubled over, clutching his face. The burning was immediate and overwhelming, as if someone had pressed red-hot coals against his eyes. ​"Oh my god! Neil! I’m so sorry, I didn’t know... I thought the safety was on!" Nicky shrieked in a panic, waving his hands around and nearly dropping the canister. ​Andrew stormed into the room a second later, drawn by the noise. His gaze instantly locked onto Neil, who was choking back a groan of pain, and then shifted to Nicky. Andrew’s face hardened, turning into a mask of pure, icy fury. ​"What did you do?" Andrew growled, taking a single, predatory step toward them.​ "I... I just wanted to see how it worked! Andrew, I didn't know it would spray like that!" Nicky was close to tears.​"You are a complete idiot" Andrew cut him off. He grabbed Neil by the arm and began guiding him toward the couch. Neil was completely blind, his eyelids clamped shut as tears mixed with the orange substance streamed down his face. "Sit. Don't touch your eyes, Neil. You'll only make it worse."​ Andrew pushed Neil back against the cushions and bolted into the kitchen. The clatter of bowls and the sound of running water echoed from the room.​ "Neil, I am so, so sorry!" Nicky was kneeling on the floor next to the couch, shaking. "If you want, I’ll spray myself right in the eyes, just please don't hate me! Seriously, I'll do it!"​ Neil, gritting his teeth against the pain, managed to wheeze out through a tight throat:​ "Nicky... shut up. And get out. Just get out."​ Andrew returned with a bowl of lukewarm water and a clean towel. He shot Nicky a look that promised a slow death.​ "Call Abby. Now."​ Nicky scrambled out of the room, practically tripping over his own feet. Andrew immediately knelt between Neil's legs. He soaked the corner of the towel and very gently pressed it against Neil's eyelid, wiping away the excess gel.​ Neil flinched violently and hissed, trying to pull his head back.​ "Stay still," Andrew muttered, his voice still rough but stripped of that murderous edge. "I know it hurts. Stop thrashing." Neil was breathing rapidly. "What the hell was that? " - ​"Pepper spray. Calm down, Josten. I got hit in the face with it once myself. I survived, and so will you," Andrew said quietly, wiping around Neil's eyes. "We just need to flush it out." ​After a few minutes, Andrew set the bowl aside. Neil’s eyes were still tightly shut, his skin flushed and irritated. Andrew rested his hands on Neil’s knees. ​"Neil," he murmured. "Yes or no?" ​Neil took a deeper breath. "It's always yes with you."​ Andrew leaned in and gently pressed a brief, soothing kiss against Neil's lips. It was a rare gesture, almost impossible under these circumstances, but it worked better than any cold compress. Neil slowly began to relax.​ (...)

continue in part 2.

[cloudmind03]

I cried as I wrote it

Neil is incapable of doing or saying anything that would make Andrew cry. Even in their sharpest, most vicious fight, Neil wouldn't be able to say anything hurtful enough to break him.​ But here is a thought. Andrew is volatile, when he has a bad day, the past haunts his mind, disrupting the order of his entire day. He gets irritable, raw, and deeply hurt. If a fight broke out while he was in that state, Andrew would reach a breaking point and throw out something suggesting he blames Neil, blames him for convincing him to have dinner at his cousin's house on that tragic day. That if it weren't for him, it never would have happened.​It would be a devastating blow straight to Neil's heart. He wouldn't be able to stop the tears. He would just stare blankly at Andrew, before running into the bathroom and locking himself inside. He would start crying, practically choking on his own tears. Because that guilt has been festering inside him for years, and now, he’s just heard confirmation that he was right to feel it.​ The moment Andrew realized what he had just done, he would be terrified. He would instantly go pale, his head spinning. He would beat on the bathroom door. Andrew would utterly hate himself for what he said to Neil. Especially because he doesn't actually mean it. He would despise the fact that he used something so weaponized just to hurt Neil, simply because he was hurting himself. Hearing Neil's agony from behind the door, unable to get to him, Andrew would do something he hasn't done in years. He would utter the word "please." Helplessly, he would whisper, "Neil, please open the door."​ And Neil would open it. But the moment Andrew tried to step closer, Neil would flinch away slightly, but noticeably. To Andrew, that reaction would be terrifying. And then came the words, spoken in Neil's weak, trembling voice: "I opened it because you said please."​ It would feel like another heavy blow. Neil hadn't opened the door because he wanted to, he did it simply because Andrew had said "please." The crushing realization that even in this state, Neil was still putting Andrew's feelings first, would be too much to bear. Andrew would break down, weeping as he apologized. They would both just sit there on the bathroom floor and cry, completely shattered.

​It would be an incredibly heavy, painful turning point in their relationship.

Don't worry, they'll fix it, slowly.

[cloudmind03]

Neil is a terrible loner, and it’s not something he can just switch off the moment he starts sharing a space with Andrew. It’s not that Andrew is overly controlling or anything, but he still feels that quiet, persistent fear every single time he realizes Neil is gone. Did they take him again? Did something happen? Is he even alive?​But in Neil’s head, it’s simple. Too simple.​He’ll just go out for a run without a word if he sees that Andrew is busy. He’ll send a text saying, "I’ll be back around nine," and then show up closer to eleven, carrying a grocery bag like it’s nothing. "I lost track of time," he’ll say. And it doesn’t matter that, in the meantime, Andrew has already started mentally listing which morgues he needs to check. Neil doesn't want to bother him. He just doesn’t see the point in keeping him updated, because in his head, he always comes back anyway - so what difference does it make when? ​Until Andrew finally lays it out for him clearly.​"I don't read your mind. If you change your plans, text me. Call me. Just let me know you're going to be late." ​And Neil feels as if he’s just heard something completely foreign. But then, it finally clicks. After everything they’ve been through, Andrew is simply terrified that it will happen again. He knows there are still people out there who might want to hurt Neil. And he is so desperately afraid of losing him. Neil needs to be safe. ​Neil felt that realization hit him right in that very moment. Once it finally registered, he simply apologized and promised he would watch the clock.

[cloudmind03]

Sorry, but I have some thoughts:

We all know that Neil will never say "I love you" to Andrew, because for Andrew these words only bring to mind pain and abuse. Andrew has his "I hate you" but Neil needs to finally find a way to name his feelings for Andrew. He comes up with the idea of ​​saying "I love you" in another language, and he chose French or Spanish. Andrew doesn't associate the sound of this language with his trauma, so they don't have such a big emotional charge. Neil just started saying it. He didn't explain to Andrew what the words meant. But he knows, he feels it. He doesn't even check it, because then these words would mean "I love you". Andrew wants it to be just "Je t'aime"/"Te amo".

I think, those who know the translation are banned from saying this Andrew, under threat of de4th.

[cloudmind03]

Imagine, how Neil must feel, when he made Andrew laugh for the first time.

I mean, he heard true and loud laughter.

Neil couldn't stop staring at him. His heart was probably beating too fast at that moment

Of course, when Andrew noticed this, he put his mask back on, but he was still relaxed.

You feel that?

[cloudmind03]

aftg headcanon:

Do u remember that, after Drake's attack,Kevin looked at Andrew as if he had seen a ghost? He really saw it. Because Kevin saw Jean Moreau in him. He knew exactly what happened.

Sorry, English is not my first language. That's why i wrote it like that