Untitled @coffeeislifeyo - Tumblr Blog

Anxious again

My soul is crying

My heart hurts

I want it to go away

I’m trying to make it stop

I was close. Does that make it any better? The CV was good at least..

I wasn’t expecting to get it in the first place

They told me that I deserve it.

My programming is the problem

So work harder there...

Did some of them want to take me off class or not give me a class for next year?

Am I low on the list here

But I was top 8 for interview

I don’t understand.. which means I wasn’t next on the list

Is it because I don’t hand in my data on time

Or I don’t get the ILs in enough

I’m going to have another talk to him. He has to give me a breakdown of what I need to do.. does he think I’m as bad as El? That’s what it sounded like..

He sounds like he wants me around still.. but is that enough

He keeps saying he only wants the best. I’m just not there best here

Maybe I need to tell him I am still committed here. But for my own self interest I need to keep looking.. and I just need him to support me in that... it doesn’t change what I would prefer.. but it’s all I can do while I wait for another opportunity

I can’t stay here forever

I just can’t

Employees don’t leave companies, they leave managers

#work stress

What do I need to do from here. I don’t understand what my next step is

I’m so stuck

#I don’t know what to do #work stress #my job is too hard #or maybe I’m just not good at it

My work makes me really sad.

#notgoodenough

Burn out year is real.

I’ve come to the realization that I don’t need to succeed in the place I’m at to be good at what I do.

I can be somewhere else. Nothing is really holding me here. Some of these people are lovely. But that doesn’t change the facts.

There is poison here. And that won’t change. I need to accept that I can’t stay simply because there are some good people. I need to take care of me.

I can go almost anywhere and find people I work well with. But I want to never forget that my work shouldn’t make me feel anxious. I want to be better.. and maybe this place isn’t where I get better.

I don’t want this to be my life. And it’s okay to go somewhere new to try again.

A culture where work needs to be your life is toxic.

I need somewhere new.

I’m going to try again somewhere new.

The work begins now.

I need a place where I don’t feel like an outsider

I need a job that pays better

I need to feel happier..

I wish I was successful in my work. I hate feeling like a beginner all the time.

What if I’m just not good at this?

What then?

Please let today go quickly