Confession.es

True confessions of sex, life, faith, work, high school, and college life.

[confession-es]

I’m really confused about what I’m supposed to be doing with my life. I’m 20 and still living with my mother. My 18 sister has a car, and is about to move out of the house. I don’t have a car, but I have a really great paying job. So, that’s going for me(praise God). But I still fell like a underachieving piece of shit. But, my boyfriend is always telling me that I have to get my shit together(and he means it in the best way possible, he’s just very straight forward) and I’m trying but it’s like…….nothing is happening? You know? Like I’m in Purgatory where I just go to work and come home and go to work and come home and spend my check on groceries and go to work then come home. I mean, I haven’t had a mental break down or cried for a long time so that’s really good…but damn…I just need something…A light, a sign, or anything to show me what I’m doing.

And my mom…god…I’m so grateful that I have a place to stay and glad she’s looking out for me, but she makes me feel like ripping my teeth out. I started smoking weed instead of taking my depression meds and it’s worked on keeping me chill, but she’s really been pressing my buttons. I’ve worked five 12 hour shifts straight and on my day off, I went to the lake with my friends because I haven’t had any time to just socialize…and she got mad at me because I didn’t stay at home to help with a pile of laundry and to sweep. I was like I’m not even going to apologize about this. And now I’m saving for a car, so my boyfriend will get off of my ass because I wanted to get an apartment first but idk he wants me to get a car first. He was making valid points so I’ll give him that. Idk, there’s just so much but so little going on. I had to kick my best friend out of the house because she was bringing toomuch drama and bad energy into the house. She’s a histrionic. I felt so bad. She was staying with us because she didn’t have anywhere else to go. I bailed her out of jail a week ago. $140. Now I told her I wasn’t getting an apartment because I can’t live with her. I honestly think I’d either be robbed or kill myself if I lived with her. But I love her so much, I really do. Tomorrow I’m going to buy her deodorant, toothbrush, panties, soap, and some socks…the basics so at least she’ll have that while she stays at a family friend’s house. It’s just so hard to live with her because she invites so much bullshit in her life, whereas I don’t deal with drama. It literally drains me. Idk I just hope she doesn’t get into any shit while she’s away from me. She needs guidance, I’m just not mentally strong enough to deal with her.

[confession-es]

I’m tired of being so disgusting. I look at myself in the mirror and all I can se are the holes in my face and the redness. I’m a good person. I eat better than most people. I try so fucking hard to get better. All of my friends are so beautiful and talented and social. I’m so close to being who I want to be but I fucking can’t because everything revolves around the way I look. I look fucking gross. No one has to say anything I see it when they stare at my cheeks instead of my eyes when we talk. I could be so close to pretty. Everyone would treat me so much differently if I looked the way I did when my skin was clear. People try to help but they just want to stop looking at how fucking ugly I am everyday. I’m just exaggerating but I doesn’t feel like it. I can’t be myself because I’m so fucking upset with the way I look. I hate myself. Why can’t I just look like everyone else. I’m a good fucking person. Why can’t get over the way I look it’s fucking ridiculous. I don’t want to think about it I just want it to be over.

[confession-es]

I started liking (touching) boys at a young age (I have no clue why). When I was 7 there was a boy who I really really liked. He was smart, but, like many young black boys, his friends laughed at him, and instead of doing his work that could rival mine, he began drawing in class and refusing to work. We ‘dated’ as best as two 7-year-old children could date and I tried to get him to do his work again but he refused, saying that he didn’t want to be laughed at. That year, he flunked.

The school however, for some reason, bumped him up to the grade he should’ve been in. It turned out that he was a year older than, so the next year he was in class with my cousin. To my surprise, he began giving her messages saying that he loved me and how he missed me. I was elated, but soon, those messages fettered out. We never saw each other.

Three years later, I became friends with a girl that rode the same bus as me. Surprisingly she was his cousin. Even more surprisingly, he was still thinking of me. I was happy, but so confused. That same year I became friends with another girl who made me question everything I knew about myself.

At age 16, I worked up the courage to ask his old friend about him. He only laughed with a group of guys and used some nickname for him that I had never heard. That told me enough.

A year later, his face showed up in the paper, the first time i had seen his face since the 2nd grade, and I nearly cried. He had been arrested for murder. Him and some girl. I admit that I was jealous. Jealous and so, so sad for the smart little boy who could draw beautiful pictures. I dreamed of running into him on the street, or him breaking into my house and when he realized who I was and he would sweep me into his arms. I even dreamed of visiting him in jail, and I hoped so much that he would be happy to see me. Crazy I know. It gets crazier.

At age 20, I still think about him even though I know that I’m a lesbian. I wonder if he was convicted. If he has children. If I would have had his children. I ask myself, if he showed up at my door, would I let him sweep me into his arms and try to love him.

I really think I would. Even though I know that we never really knew each other, that he probably just liked me because I liked to touch him, I think I would try to love him.

[confession-es]

~~never written poetry before but this is the best way i could manage to put words to my feelings

i leave my hand out closest to yours, hoping you’ll take it, because you heal my sores, you make me nervous when you smile at me, all I can think is, do you love me?

you said you did before, but what did you mean?

love is confusing me,

i’m drowning in my mind, and you’re the off duty lifeguard, if you don’t hear my cries, you won’t be able to use CPR,

i’m cracking under my own pressure, my mom’s asking me if I need to see a doctor,

i forgot who I really am, and i need some help to discover,

when i’m with you, you give me purpose, a sense of matter,

i hate that i need you, it’s not healthy for me to feel this way, but my sense of meaning has faded away, i shouldn’t have any hope in you, but I’m hopeless and fucking in love you.

[confession-es]

I get aroused by the memory of my ex-boyfriend sexually harassing me in his car and touching my lower regions by force as I said stop, and I don’t know why, but I want it to happen again.

[confession-es]

I’m 19. I’m supposed to be a sophomore in college come August but because of certain choices that I’ve made, I’m still considered a freshman and I’ve honestly never been so disappointed in myself this much before. It’s crazy. I had nearly 1,000$ in my bank account at the start of my first year @ college & at the end I had maybe 200-300$, wasted on alcohol and friends that left me in the dust. I’ve got a 175$ parking ticket to pay and even though I get good paychecks, it’ll wipe out my account & until then, it’s a hold on my accounts through college. I haven’t gotten my financial aid for this coming semester because of the parking ticket. I’m beyond stressed out and I have nobody I can depend on to tell these things to. I have to lie to my family and act like everything is okay when in fact my world is crashing down around me as I type this out. I’m not the religious person I’m supposed to be & I don’t know if I believe in heaven or hell anymore. I don’t believe in much anymore. I’m just trying to get by without having a panic attack. All of this is nonsense but I purposely found this page so I could get some stress off of my shoulders and out of my head. And as I read through this, I’m laughing at myself because I’m rambling, something I’m bad at. I know there are others out there who have worse things to deal with, please bare with me, I just needed a release.

[confession-es]

Kind really scared because I'm 99% sure I'm mentally ill. Almost everything I've heard about depression, anxiety, and bpd applies to me but I'm scared to tell my parents because I feel like they won't believe me and they'll say I'm faking it. I don't want to seem like a drama queen or like I'm faking just to get attention but I'm at this point where I just want to get help for myself. I'm scared that if I tell anyone they'll think it's all in my head or I'm a liar.

[confession-es]

I have no direction in my life, i don’t know what to do with my life, i hate my job, i want to travel but i don’t have money, I am a lonely 28 years old girl!

[confession-es]

My bestfriend and I met online and after a while we realised we live in the same small country and go to each other’s towns a lot for family business and we’ve been friends for over a year and lately we had been fighting a lot and we had this big one a month ago and now we don’t talk anymore. I’m just starting to get over him, finally. I’m slowly trying to not care how hurtful he was to me in the last moments we talked. And i was beginning to think I could do this and then he texted me saying ‘you’re shit at catfishing get out of my life’ and I honestly don’t even know what he’s talking about. I’ve never claimed to be other than me with him. And I was literally just about to text him and he sent that and it hurts so bad

[confession-es]

When I was 13 I went through this really bad shoplifting phase. All makeup. I stole likely over 100 dollars of makeup. Barely wore it too but it was so fun and it was like collecting, one of this brand, one of that.

[confession-es]

I am worried that my wife doesn’t find me desirable anymore. I want to talk to her about it but I am afraid that she will think that all I want from her is sex. But it’s the day to day intimacy that I miss most. Hand holding and long kisses. Snuggling on the couch and hugs from behind. And even though I know she loves me, I want her to know that those things have always helped me feel it.

[confession-es]

i'm so fucking done with this this country and the stupid people here , i don't get it ! how can i love a place when i'm humiliated , abused and could get killed and nobody gonna give a shit about me! , i don't have the right to own my body even my thoughts , almost every fucking thing is forbidden for me because i'm a girl and the society can't accept the way i think because how the hell i think i can move out ? have a boyfriend or have sex !!?? ughhh... but they accept when i got sexually abused and they blame me for my clothes !! i'm suffocating literally ,i don't belong here i can't accept it ,the only hope i have is to get out of here immigrate or live in another country , and it's not that easy and that's killing me ... because i'm only a teenager girl , only 17 don't have any money , and can't travel alone because it's illegal ,sorry but i needed to talk , sorry for my english too...

[confession-es]

I think I'm bisexual and have thought this for years but never wanted to admit it. I'm terrified to tell anyone because I'm scared my team mates will think in the locker room I look at them when I have no interest in them. I also don't want my best friends to think I'm in love with them or turned on when we cuddle because that's not true, I just need to tell someone

[confession-es]

When Im in my room, sometimes I hear my family talk about how bad of a person I am. Im moving out next weekend.

[confession-es]

I can’t talk to anyone I know because i know they’ll just judge me. I can’t talk to people on the internet because they’ll just say I should try harder, or “That sucks”. I lost yet another friend today. Now that just leaves one person and even now we aren’t truly friends… lately I wish that this whatever it is could end.

[confession-es]

I feel terrible. My best friend just called me, crying her heart out, and told me that her boyfriend was in love with me. I don’t know what to say. I feel guilty, but it isn’t my fault. I don’t want my best friend to resent me.

[confession-es]

I get so jealous of people with two nice loving parents