Thoughts, Ideas, and Other Junk

The most irregularly updated blog in existence, though I guess I actually use it now.

[justshepardthings]

[img src]

[connorbennion]

omg fuck

[justshepardthings]

img src: 1 2 3 4 5

[connorbennion]

lol yes

[connorbennion]

don't play mass effect with me

kaiden: geth by the door!

my friend, playing: WHERE???

me: take a wild geth

[fuckyeah-masseffect]

Frozen Effect by ZoeyRay

(Inspired by the song “I Should Go” (A Frozen Mass Effect Parody) by geekfitgirl)

[punk-rock-ghost-deactivated2015]

Dear Bioware please give me my life back......I am way too obsessed with Mass Effect

[lady-z13]

 ✧ The Galaxy’s Mightiest Heroes

[x]

[connorbennion]

oh my god yes. that gif of Kalros. also mixing avengers and mass effect might just be the best possible thing.

[connorbennion]

shit shit shit shit shit shit shit

god fucking damnit why would i hit send on that that was INCREDIBLY stupid and why did i even write the damn thing in the first place this is only going to get me hurt in one way or another and i am kicking myself right now why does the part of my brain that's idealistic and hopeful EVER get full control it hasn't done me any good in years fuck fuck fuck FUCK

[connorbennion]

heh, this blog is like the most disjointed grouping of thoughts i've ever seen...ah well. i hope that whoever might be reading this in a government office somewhere is enjoying trying to figure out what my life is like.

[connorbennion]

just spent like an hour essentially trying to calm down my mom's parenting anxieties. why is it that i'm the one with mental issues, but i have to do the counseling? do i just automatically have to help however i can when people ask me for emotional help? maybe i'm hardwired that way. and blah blah it's a great thing some sort of talent or empathy type thing, but right now the amount of effort i have to put into being completely calm and not letting my own emotions flare up at all while doing this is way too much and now that it's done i have to work even harder to not let all of my varying emotions fire away and give me a (probably mild, but still a) panic attack. maybe that was because so much of the conversation revolved around me trying to explain what i feel in a way that makes her feel okay, or maybe i just get stressed out when i get guilt-tripped and i shouldn't feel guilty. whatever. i'll be fine in a couple hours, but it's times like this that make me want to never interact with another person again, and that feeling doesn't help in the times that i really need other people.

[connorbennion]

So apparently talking about myself too much stresses me out. Guess this shouldn't be surprising given my usual modus operandi in regards to that (I generally don't talk about myself at all, ever), but I've been okay for like the past week at least. Maybe I just need a day off from people asking me what's going on.

[connorbennion]

"...there are no punishments for the terrors that we inflict on ourselves. So you send your men. They won't find themselves a fight. They'll only find an old man. An old man tired, but satisfied he did his duty. An old man weary from a mind more filled with memory...than it is with hope." ---Dr. Leonard Church, Red vs. Blue season 6. Fantastically tragic character.

[connorbennion]

so, started watching Chuck.

And...Adam Baldwin is pretty much the most awesome thing. Fantastic one-liners and monosyllabic grunts and looks of derision. Also he shoots things, which is fun. Other stuff: a lot of Chuck's speech patterns remind me quite a bit of a cousin of mine (which is a little weird but kinda funny), Captain Awesome makes me want there to be a show revolving around his absurd personality, and Yvonne Strahovski is....heh. yeah. anyway, it's fun to have a new show that I really like and can marathon. oh and it's also nice to have a show again where I can relate strongly (at least in some ways) to the main character....and it's even better that the ways I relate aren't in the super awful depressing ways that I related to Dr. House. Almost through 2 seasons in 3 days, let's do this.

[connorbennion]

wait, why did I read that?

but seriously though I did not need to see all that shit. what makes me angry isn't that, though - it's that for god only knows whatever reason, it upsets me. less than before, barely at all, but STILL... so, there's a part of me that's a little scared that i'll always be a little messed up and not "myself" again, because this sort of thing happens every once in a while, where i get all weirdly emotional for a short, intense period of time. on the other hand, it's happening less and less frequently, which i guess is good and shows continued progress, though on the other hand it makes me worry a bit about permanently shutting away certain emotions, and whether i'd be willing to open them up again. and then the whole thing wraps up with me trying to piece together how i'm actually feeling (instead of just being confused), which is what i'm doing now...albeit with limited success, i suppose. i guess the best thing to take from thinking about this particular time is that i haven't had any of these little episodes before midnight since...sometime in april, i think...and before then, i think january. so assuming i start actually getting to bed at a decent time (which weirdly happens more at college than at home), maybe all this mental nonsense will just leave me alone and let me function properly. side note: since i apparently use like 90% of this tumblr as an emotions dump, it could be easy to believe that i'm not doing well. oddly, i am, i just never write about that since when i'm consistently happy i have better things to do. something pretty telling is that i've barely used this at all in the last 6-8 months or so. BLERGGHHH sleeeeeep

[connorbennion]

Wait, hold on. when/why did that happen? ...confused, but whatever, i guess.

[mariners]

Don’t mind me, just walking back to the dugout.

[connorbennion]

nice try, dude...

[connorbennion]

BLOODY HELL. I have never been so upset to wake up from a dream. Definitely the best one I've ever had. damnitdamnitdamnitdamnitdamnit

[connorbennion]

"Try it."