The Appeal of Kylux is Weakness
So, before I get into this, I need to state that I realise this is a personal interpretation of canon material and not reflective of what all (or even a lot of) Kyluxers believe to be the main draw of the ship. Every and all view points in this regard are valid, but I felt the need to share my thoughts on this.
In political theory there is the idea of communities of strength vs. communities of vulnerabilitiy. Communities of strength are generally built upon the notion of what the individual can contribute to society: Mostly valuing the “effectiveness” of a person in the role of worker - encorporating all the troublesome ideals of shunning the mentally or physically unwell. Communities of vulnerability on the other hand, encapsulate the idea that everyone needs certain things (justice, safety, healthcare etc.) and communities thrive better if we strive to achieve a level of well-being for everyone. This is a very condensed version of a very complicated political and philosophical theory, so I recommend everyone to read up on it further, lest I misrepresent.
What does that have to do with Kylux? The First Order is a community of strength.
Hux and Kylo are both forced into a role where they hide any and all vulnerabilities. Both believe the other one to be exactly the encorporation of the ideal that they feel unable to reach themselves - and they despise each other for it.
Hux has always been ridiculed and abused for his physical “ineptitude” and the general sense that he does not live up to acceptable standards of masculinity. His entire life has been a struggle to reach the top - in hopes of achieving some level of safety there. Then there is Kylo, who is brash and physically strong. He is broad, muscular, a good figher. He is probably the spitting image of what Brendol would have loved Hux to be. A warrior. That is one of the reasons Hux perceives Ren to be a spoiled child. If he had that kind of raw power, he’d never have problems again.
Whereas Kylo has the exact opposite problem. He is physically strong, but emotionally vulnerable. Seeing Hux and his stoic facade, his perfect posture, the general sense of just being in control of himself all of the time - Kylo admires and loathes him. What would Kylo give to be able to contain his emotions like that? He’d never feel any pain ever again.
So they are both trapped in these roles, unable to break out to not fall out of their shared community of strength and be seen as “useless”. Both fear being discarded if anyone might see a glimpse of what lies beneath.
But herein lies their path to salvation, too.
Letting the other one gradually peek behind the curtains, makes clear two things a. They need each other to heal and b. their community of strength is a lie. No one is without weakness.
By helping each other overcome their shared trauma, vulnerabilities and weaknesses, they will not only fall in love with each other, but also forgive themselves for what they thought was unforgivable.
This makes defection a logical conclusion - the illusion of a “community of strength” made everything worse after all. What they’d do with themselves afterwards, how they’d have to walk a long path to unlearn this indoctrination and the many kisses along the way…that is for fanfiction authors to explore.
Source: Simplican, Stacy Clifford. The Capacity Contract: Intellectual Disability and the Question of Citizenship. University of Minnesota Press, 2015.
