A LITTLE ONGOING EXPERIMENT OF MINE.
My name is Nicholas, I’m 20 years old and I live alone with my dog Chowder. Everyday I think about killing myself, I’ve tried 8 times in the last 3 days. But now my will is gone. The faceless man won’t let me, and The Habit just laughs when I try. They walk around my house like it’s theirs. The Habit leaves often to do god knows what, but the faceless man, he’s…. he’s always here. Sometimes I can’t see him, but I do see the wooden furniture rotting and I see the trees outside my house dying. I only catch glimpses of him sometimes, but he’s always watching me.
My parents are gone, so is my little sister, I can still smell their blood. The Habit made sure I watched my parents bleed, but my sister, Anna is just, gone. All I got left is Chowder. He’s kinda chubby but he’s awesome, always at my feet. I don’t know if that’s to comfort me or to hide from these things.
I found out today that my mother was raped in order to create me. I think I should be upset, but the faceless man calms me. I feel nothing but the deep emptiness because of him. Hollow and thoughts a bit scattered. The Habit tells me “Nick ol’ buddy, I’m gonna make you a fuckin animal. Something for your mother to be proud of.” He raped my mother. And he smiles at me.
Today The Habit killed Chowder. Chowder ran but I caught him. He’s too fat. He stuck his fingers in Chowders eyes and Chowder cried. The Habit pulled off his head like it was nothing, like his neck was made of tissue paper. I knew it was The Habit, but Chowder knew it was me, and he didn’t understand. Despite the faceless man and the calm emptiness, I cried.
The Habit says to me, “That a boy Nicky, you’ll be ready in no time”
He says, “Ready to fight something”
I ask, “What am I going to fight?”
He says, “Someone you used to know Nick, I want to see how well he’s doing. Ya see he’s an experiment Nicky, like you.”
I am sorry whoever I am supposed to fight, but I’m strong as shit and big as a motherfucker. The Habit will make me kill you, I don’t want to, but I will. I tried to kill myself again 3 hours ago. He just laughed. The faceless man just watched.
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