[classy-lovely-deactivated202212]

[conversingwithmyself]

June [ 14 ]

And thats the thing about dating and laws of attractions - we all crave for stimulation, and today I realize the stimulation I want the most are thought-provoking ones. I always thought because I was such an excitable person that I would like dates that stimulate me through physical activity, but as we talked about our childhoods and even deeper things like mental illnesses, I found myself momentarily in a daze - in a good way. I think it was probably because it was the first time I’ve had such raw conversations with a person like that and that I barely knew.

Anyhow, it was nice - for once.

[wordsnquotes]

The most important things are the hardest to say. They are the things you get ashamed of, because words diminish them — words shrink things that seemed limitless when they were in your head to no more than living size when they’re brought out. But it’s more than that, isn’t it? The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away. And you may make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you’ve said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried while you were saying it. That’s the worst, I think. When the secret stays locked within not for want of a tellar but for want of an understanding ear.

Stephen King, Different Seasons  (via wordsnquotes)

[lulahearts]

[conversingwithmyself]

n o v e m b e r  [ 1 8 ]

In other news.

It’s been an interesting couple of weeks. It’s stretched me a lot in terms of growth, and now I can finally come to understand why people become so obsessed with power. But i never want to become that person, so I try to remind myself of all the good mentors I’ve had in my life and how I can be that person for someone else. Be loving, be supportive, be constructive but encouraging. I see so much potential and I’m excited to see its growth and how much i can grow from it. Now that I have a certain level of control over how things run, I feel at home. It’s a really good feeling. 

[conversingwithmyself]

n o v e m b e r  [ 1 7 ]

I’m dating this as yesterday because I want it to all be in the past. Lol as if that helps.

You opened a wound, and although time heals and the wound may seal, the fear and pain remains. You eventually become afraid to touch the subject because it reminds you of the hurt that it can cause you. It’s not the reality but the possibility that causes fear; and that is something that can’t be explicitly healed. We’re ruined, I hope you know that. We will never ever be able to share true friendship again, cause I will never trust you. I keep telling myself I am better without, and even as I believe it to be true, it doesn’t mean that the pain is any less; makes me realize how much I give to so little.

Oh well. 

I am happy otherwise. I dwell on this to give it a final burial. Be gone now. 

[conversingwithmyself]

o c t o b e r [ 8 ]

“I am here, and I am listening.” 

This is one of my favorite phrases I’ve learned to repeat to myself from a guided meditation I listened to recently. I was reminded of it again after a deep talk with one of my friends tonight. 

Sometimes, no matter the support you have in your life, the one you need at the end of the day is yourself. People are so easy to undermine your struggles, simply because they either can’t empathize/relate or they’re so deep in their own they don’t have room to feel your pain. Know yourself, listen to yourself and love yourself because you are the one that knows and understand your own struggle the most. Nobody will possibly be able to empathize with you the way you can. 

[conversingwithmyself]

j u l y  [ 1 0 ] pt.2

Rather be living the dream than to dream of the life. 

[conversingwithmyself]

j u l y  [ 1 0 ]

my heart will always, always be closed off now. 

[conversingwithmyself]

j u n e [ 2 0 ]

Sometimes, you have to keep your head up to prevent the tears from falling. 

[conversingwithmyself]

j u n e [ 1 8 ]

Very thankful for this conversation i just had with my dad so I guess I’ll share. 

“It’s quite obvious that you’re not the type of person to listen just because I say so. But I also understand that if you’re being rebellious, it doesn’t mean that its because you disrespect me; it could also mean that I’m putting unreasonable restraints on you. Thats why I try to evaluate myself in these situations - I’m trying to find a balance where I can be a father to you without forcing you to disrespect me.” 

Or something like that. Probably didn’t sound as beautiful in real life cause this is not a korean drama. 

[conversingwithmyself]

When the heart is sad, you doubt everything.

Moonlight Drawn by Clouds

[conversingwithmyself]

m a r c h [ 1 5 ] pt.2

nope i definitely formatted that wrong lol welp.

[one-and-only-beauty]

[thelovejournals]

you must want to spend the rest of your life with yourself first

Rupi Kaur, Milk and Honey (via thelovejournals)

[jinyoungot7]

[cestvibe]