my diary🌿 @coolb0nes - Tumblr Blog

damn. two fucking years. i really thought i could be happy. i gained a fuck load of weight and chalked it up to medication and recovery and now im 200 fucking pounds and i feel disgusting. the worst part is i don’t even wanna be thin. not really. i just wanna be Not This. i feel horrible as im literally peoples recovery inspiration but i cant fucking do this anymore. im gonna go back to logging my food with calorie goals of like 800-1200. and hopefully that’ll work but if not i’ll go lower. who am i kidding i’ll probably go lower anyway that’s how an ed work but im gonna cling on to my illusion of health for as long as possible. i know for a fact this is gonna take me somewhere bad but it’s too late to turn around. see you around.

<3 casey

i desperately need to get back on my bullshit😔

sometimes i worry that this will be my life forever as if that’s not exactly what im gunning for

were-starving-for-control

People think Ana is about food.

But they don’t understand that it’s so much more than that. Yes, it’s about hating your body and yourself and wanting to feel OK with how you look for once in your life.

But it’s also about control. About trying to dull the pain through self destructive behavior. It’s about wanting to prove you can control something in your life when everything else is out of control: no matter what, at least you can control what you eat and how small you. At least you can prove that you have control over your behavior.

It’s about wanting to be so small you disappear. So small that no one can hurt you anymore.

Ana is about so much more than food.

just got told by another friend that them seeing my recovery inspired them to recover themselves im gonna throw myself into a volcano i feel like such a shitty person

oh to be thin enough that baggy clothes make me look smaller not bigger

i can feel my stomach shrinking and it feels amazing <3

ordering off the kids menu >>>

algointheskywithdiamonds

I need to fall back in love with being hungry.

all my friends are eating fast food while im sitting on the counter sipping a diet coke in an oversized sweatshirt i may be 200 pounds but im feeling skinni tonight

something about listening to lana del rey or melanie martinez makes me feel so tiny and delicate

friendly reminder that even a few days of binging isn’t going to make you gain any significant amount of weight. you can get back on track once you put your mind to it and everything will be fine. i believe in you <3

ed tumblr really saw the screaming crying throwing up meme and went alright bet

only pro of being this fat is that i burn calories so much faster lmao

god my bmi is atrocious

hold on lemme put you on some good shit

matildasthinspo-deactivated2023

does anyone have any tips on how to avoid eating when going out with friends who are conscious of eating disorders?

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my diary🌿