deep bite @coolglxy - Tumblr Blog

somethin im thinkin abt

my mom > drives 6 hours multiple times to come stay with me to take care of me & the apartment, and also so i dont hurt myself

my dad > works 60 hour weeks as a fiber optic specialist, meaning he deals with fiberglass in 100 degree floridian weather. he is working more specifically to fund my move back home, including lost income i’d make since i had to quit my job early.

me > devastated, confused, shocked, and heartbroken, while still working 9 hour days with a long commute for a few weeks. also while travelling with my mom back and forth 6 hours while we move some of my stuff and prevent me from harm/loneliness

at some point i’m back home for good, and i don’t remember if this was after i’d moved out or not:

my ex > having the guy she emotionally cheated on me with and manipulated into taking care of her via lying take her jean shopping, forget her phone at the store, still have me as the on-screen emergency contact, so i have to call the guy who apparently didn’t have my number saved.

this guy had been pretending to be my friend too for over a month. he even came to my house and took care of my cats while we were out of town and didn’t have my fucking number saved when i did the most caretaking for the cats. and again pretending to be my friend while drunk driving around the woman i considered my wife and didn’t have my fucking phone number saved. i was told he “didnt drink that much” but he had to wait around to sober up. and frankly, not a good fucking excuse when you’re also getting drunk. he’d also consistently forget major events. like, before all this bullshit went down, he has this “dream cat” he wants to name smth specific. there happened to be several strays at my parents house that fit what he was looking for and we communicated about it seriously several times. i even offered to give him my moms phone number after talking to her about it and she was extremely kind and excited saying she’d get the cat its shots and fixed for him, like she’d pay him to take it. he ended up declining bc he was going to be moving soon, which he put off to take care of my ex lol. but tell me why…..not that long after, maybe a week or two, he’s telling me about his dream cat names gilbert. i nod and say yeah, and he goes “oh did i tell you this already?”. i didnt even explain bc im a people pleaser and didnt wanna hurt his feelings somehow. like “uhh yeah i was gonna set up an adoption for u bro” seemed bitchy.

but no, im the bad guy and she suffered more and i shouldve just read her fucking mind. totally.

well i hope shes happy

thinkin bout how much she probably lied about me to strangers

why is my 6v6 mmr SO much better

how does it take my mom genuinely 30-45 minutes to visit the gas station that is directly outside our neighborhood

not to be dramatic but my stress and depression have been so bad ive had like continuous flareups of different shit over the last few months and its driving me actually insane. when will i just be comfortable

#seb derm is destroying my life more than its already been wrecked

sry to any non-porn bots that follow me ive just turned this blog into a diary atp

i feel okay until i think about her w someone else

i just find it very strange that she had several people to talk to (online friends, parents, sibling, work friends) and none of these people ever bothered to talk to me about it. i hadn’t even met 99% of them, and now they know my most shameful moments that have been fully taken out of context and are being told to them with extreme bias. who even knows what these people were told. by her own admission she probably exaggerated things and was drunk so shes not even sure. and these were convos she needed to be having with ME in the first place!!! why would you go to other people, some of which you barely know, and tell them your deepest relationship issues without going to your partner FIRST??

like, i was TOTALLY isolated and given NO chances to defend or even explain how i fucking felt. i literally only talked to my mom and a 60 year old coworker (my Only coworker) about things. like she had already isolated me to the point where she was the ONLY in person friend i had. i made a couple friends at my previous job, but we worked together and she got unhealthily close to a coworker and complained about me to the point where this girl hated my fucking guts and we got fired bc of the drama. just completely isolated and silenced, yet im painted as the abuser? absolute insanity

idk i just feel so violated. she took my deepest insecurities and fears and used them against me. so fucking cold

edit to add that like the isolation part goes so deep as ive been thinking. i moved to her home town, not knowing anyone and six hours away from my family. i simply wasnt able to make friends even if i tried. she always seemed to have something negative to say about the couple people i nearly befriended, claiming that one of them always gave her nasty looks and just wasnt nice to her. like she constantly talked shit about someone i really liked and it sort of twisted my mind a little. and beyond that, she couldn’t go out w me to eat at restaurants or go to bars/clubs because of her autism. when i would try to reassure her that no one’s going to be mean to her or that we should just try going out more she would just say she Couldn’t and would take it as personal criticism. she didnt mind if i went out on my own, but who wants to do that? it wouldn’t even really be safe for me to do that. even then it felt like i couldn’t leave her? like she said she didnt mind but i felt like there was this unspoken rule that we did everything together. we would mostly go places she liked and was familiar with on her terms. and i’d always be the one driving. she’d get so, so deeply upset whenever i’d change plans from being tired or broke or having driving anxiety from a previous car accident. and eventually it go to a point where i was like, socially out of practice and became agoraphobic. i felt so ugly and tired from working and driving constantly, i couldn’t bring myself to go anywhere. then suddenly the tables turned and i think she started resenting me for like not taking her out more and stuff. like im just now unpacking all of this and the more i think the more i see these patterns that have been there the whole time, and its like im burning from the inside realizing this shit

tfw u trusted her w ur entire life and she just fuckin throws u away

coolglxy

me: * has not said anything nor indicated that i need to go to the store *

my mom: do you wanna go to the gas station or do you want me to go?

me: uh. you can go.

my mom: ok will you come downstairs and sit w the dog and baby raccoon (dont ask)

like why does she do this??? if you dont wanna go to the store just ASK ME if i will?? when you say it like that it simply pisses me the fuck off. and then i know shes slightly irritated that i won’t go for her. so what does she do? force me to be inconvenienced by having to watch HER animals that SHE brought home and is responsible for

oh and she always takes 10-15 minutes to leave, when it literally takes her 10 mins to Go to the store and come back. like she does this shit completely on purpose

coolglxy

ah yes and on her way back home she just HAS to call me to tell me what she bought which is the same thing she buys like every day. the gas station is literally 5 mins away, she could wait until she gets home, why in the fuck does she do this

me: * has not said anything nor indicated that i need to go to the store *

my mom: do you wanna go to the gas station or do you want me to go?

me: uh. you can go.

my mom: ok will you come downstairs and sit w the dog and baby raccoon (dont ask)

oh and she always takes 10-15 minutes to leave, when it literally takes her 10 mins to Go to the store and come back. like she does this shit completely on purpose

i miss my wife

OH i finally fully came out to both my parents as a lesbian who is invested in queer culture and not a “quiet gay” or whatever. i said smth like “i know you guys are rly accepting and when it comes to Me you solely care about me being happy, whoever i love is just family and it dont matter who it is” and they were like DUH. just nice to like Talk about it. they always knew i was gay tho, like they knew i was queer since i was like 15, i told my mom i was a lesbian last year, BUT theyve truly Always known lol. they just wanted me to tell them when i felt comfy.

#i think both of them are queer too tbh #but like never did and never will fully explore that

bro they make weed pills

i think smth clicked for my parents a few days ago regarding my mental state and ability to just…exist. they knew i havent been doing well, but they didnt seem to understand how debilitating it’s been. like on top of the mental anguish, i believe it’s really affected my physical health as well. i’m really underweight, i have persistent dermatitis on my face, likely have an ulcer, etc

i had a meltdown and it’s like it all came together for them. they’ve just been a whole lot gentler and they’ve stopped putting so much pressure on me. my dad even started cleaning the hallway near my room while we were all talking, i think bc he realized i haven’t been able to keep up with it and if he cleaned it rq it’d help me a lot. i’m not even really sure how to describe the change in them, its subtle but speaks volumes. and i feel like they’re proud of me, despite it all.

idk i think my mom saw how hurt i was and it just got to her core. it’s really difficult for things to strike her in that way. i didn’t scare her with my meltdown, and she didn’t mock me. she just saw Me for once

#they still arent perfect but neither am i

got enough exchange pts to MLB light hello, then i used my last few carats on a solo pull and got mf kitasan ssr. last copy i needed to MLB im cheesin

Trending Blogs

Recently Viewed Blogs

deep bite