“It was clear to me the minute I saw the scene. The positioning of the body, the usage of a shoe lace and a bag of loose change, there was only one person who could have done this. Before I tell who done it, I must demonstrate how the murder went through. It was 9:16 pm CST. The Shmeeze was taking a seemingly harmless stroll off the side of a road. It was at this point a large 1987 white with red stripe Chevy truck passed by. The engine rumbled with age, The Shmeeze, complacent in his stroll, took no heed to this omen of death. As the truck passed by The Shmeeze was taken aback, by non other than the murder, wearing a wet suit and snorkel to conceal themselves in the nearby lake. A struggle broke out, The Shmeeze unsheathed his combat blade he got off of eBay when buying coffins, he attempted to stab the assailant, but was over powered and stabbed, over and over and over and over, some much so the cheddar cheese in his pocket turned to swiss, but The Shmeeze was not done, and neither was his attacker. Determined to survive The Shmeeze attempted to heave himself to the nearby shack, a decrepit as it may be, it was his only chance at survival, but his killer did not cease in their assault. A pain, in the back of The Shmeeze leg, the attacker had thrown a puffer fish and it had punctured a major artery, it was only a matter of time before the poison within would take him, the fiend then pulled out the small bag of loose change they had taken from a young child earlir today, and beat The Shmeeze on the back of the head. Things were looking grim, but The Shmeeze was still not giving up hope, if he could get to the shack he could make a smoke signal and call for help. Within an instant, The Shmeeze started feeling a pulling on his neck, the killer had pulled out a shoe lace and started to strangle him, he fought hard against his doom, hard enough that this sick twisted monster, yanked him over to the cleverly hidden 50 gal drum of blackberry jam and shoved The Shmeeze face first into it. it was black, with a purplish tint to it, The Shmeeze knew there was no escape from this fate, there was a reason blackberry jam had been banned from warfare. However, as he conceded to his fate, a loud roaring could be heard, then a door slamming, and quickly followed by a loud bang from a gunshot. The grip on his neck loosened, and he rocketed his head to the surface, he notice the body of the wet-suit wearing person had rolled into the lake, where it was to be devoured by the local beaver population. Then he looked up and saw the face of the murderer, it couldn’t be, why, all those wonderful times all those fun memories, what had brought this person to choose murder, wait, the incident in cy- The Shmeeze thought was cut short with a resounding gunshot, heard for miles, then again, no one was around for miles, except for Roger. Yes he had killed The Late Shmeeze, and left his body to rot untill found the next morning. You see the reason that Roger had killed The Shmeeze, rooted back in what was known as the Cyprus incident. To make a long story short, The Shmeeze had been in a long time dealer ship of illegal rubber stamps, which in turn, drove Rogers business, Stamp Out to ruin. Roger found out and planned the entire murder, he hired a large Ukrainian hitman, named Gorichvisky, to kill The Shmeeze. Roger drove by as the cue for Gorichvisky to start his assasination attempt, after watching the fight for the 15 minutes it lasted, Roger took things into his own hands. The berretta 92 which he had bartered 7/10 of his forearm to obtain from his glovebox, he left his truck killed Gorichvisky and murdered The Shmeeze. Now you may ask, how I know it was Roger, simple, Gorichvisky came from a family of large stature, in turn, they are more likely to grow large feet. The size of the footprint itself was not enough to go own, but the shoe lace tipped me off, it was manufactured in Ukrainian style with 5 stiches instead of 8. The bag of loose change was the second thing that added pieces to the puzzle, I had been in a previous crime scene before hand where a person described Gorichvisky to have been the culprit. Knowing Gorichvisky was in country lead me to his work history where I found he was skilled in aquatic takedowns, allowing me to know it wasn’t his truck and that he had been hired by a partner. Gorichvisky was also well known to have bad eyesight, leading to him needing contact lens’s, in the investigation of the scene I found that the contact which had been found, was none other than Gorichvisky ‘s. Using techniques I had learned via the internets I was able to pull an image from the lens and I reveal to all of you the final and conclusive peice of evidence, an image of Roger shooting Gorichvisky with The Shmeeze slightky in veiw. Ladies and Gentelmen, I leave the verdict up to you.”
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