a free comedy club.
i offer a free show. everyone in the audience is only there because, “why not.” it was free, why not? i'll tell you why not.
i walk on stage, i tell the worst jokes of my life. the crowd boos. i pause. i go,
“oh quit the booing. wouldn't it be more fun to throw tomatoes?” the crowd agrees in unison. i then trick every single member of the crowd into buying not one, not two, but THREE tomatoes,
$5 each.
they all sit back down, seemingly content with themselves and ready to toss. i go, “ah but wait, there's a catch” - the crowd groans - “i get to tell one more joke before you can toss them.”
they agree. i pause for a long while. i then pull out a remote equipped with a red button, it reading “detonate” with an “o” that's oddly shaped like... a tomato.
i wink to the stagehand who knows that's his cue. what for? you'll see. i then go, “how many licks...does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?” the crowd boos, preparing to throw. “a-one... a-two-“ the curtain starts closing.
“a-three.”
i push the button on the remote, causing every single tomato to spontaneously combust. i win.