a fool's heart @corstultum - Tumblr Blog

This blog exists for one person, and she knows who she is.

I'm ridiculous.

I would give anything, if just once in my life, I had someone who heard me say "ouch" and wanted to know why and keep it from happening again. I have never hesitated, why is it so hard for everyone else? Being hurt by someone isn't a statement on who they are, or how we feel about them. It doesn't even necessarily have anything to do with them. But we still need to hear the hurt person so they don't keep getting hurt.

I thought that was how it worked? But every single time in my life the lesson I learn from speaking up is being told no, not my problem, deal with it yourself. I am so devastated. I keep trying to tell myself if I'm not loved then it's not for me. That it's fine. That someone will care one day, but holy shit after so many times, I have to just start thinking maybe I'm really worthless and I don't deserve anything. Clearly I am the problem, clearly I am garbage. I just wish I knew how to fix it because I don't want to be garbage. I don't want to be nothing. I don't want to be worthless to everyone. I want to have value but how? I can't stand this emptiness anymore. I can't stand it. I just want to not exist anymore. And I can't even do that because I know it would just hurt people and I'd be even more garbage. I don't want to be garbage. I don't.

I am devastated

i hate nonchalant people. i could never be nonchalant. in fact i am very chalant. about everything all the time

Every time I can't talk to her my head hurts so bad. Day by day it just gets worse.

Listening to The Coronas as being sad as fuck.

I'm not too sure what I've become But I tried as hard as anyone

#the coronas #the long way #sound

standing on the shore staring down a hurtling storm makin it's way toward me

#twenty one pilots #tøp #paladin strait #sound

I am heartbroken. To never speak to her again is a nightmare. I feel fucking empty and my head is throbbing. I feel like it's going to split open.

grlstlker

think of me today and tomorrow and forever

#I think of her every single day #and miss her #it breaks my heart she thinks my caring is conditional

lafemininefascination

I try to squeeze your hand but you pull away

#the coronas #silence that scares me now #sound

yeah, I'm feelin' dumb, I've not written, a single word in days please let me go, I wanna leave, I've never felt so clean my love is shared, my eyes impaled, I'm using half a lung well I hope I die, when I am old, I hope that you have fun

oh, I'm so sick of it here

I'm so sick of it here

#death from above 1979 #my love is shared #sound

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a fool's heart