Siah would like to equate herself to success, become synonymous with the word. Her aspiration usually dies once the sun rises. Colors the world in shades of red, orange, and pink as an aftermath. Even if she never words it, she knows reality is calling her name. (Wrap it up and become accustomed to the idea -to the fact- that your deadbeat town is your current success.) Being part of the community and melding into the homey music scene is the definition she has to carry around. Be emboldened by.
That's what a good adult would think at this point.
She has never been quite good at that. Being a responsible adult who laments.
The new day is barely starting when she finishes tying up her shoes. Double knots it to avoid the embarrassment of tying them every couple of meters. Pulls her hair into a ponytail even when her clumsy fingers barely caught up with the fact she is partially awake. Gives up on pulling a faux irritation performance for her mother to understand that she can't be constantly sending her out to pick up the eggs. It ruins the intention of waking up early for a run. It is supposed to be a cooler. But, her mother never cares until it involves her physically.
A sense of peacefulness slowly creeps on her as she starts the run. Her lungs bruising over the constant inhale and exhale of the cold wind. There is a pull pushing her, untangling a path to somewhere far. Somewhere beyond what Seomri has to offer.
Be irresponsible, she thinks. Throw it all out!
The thought doesn't last long because her "destination" is an avoidable collision with someone. At the looming darkness, she can only let out a startled "Sorry! Are you okay?" The wince is noticeable enough to lean into a cringe. To not leave it as a half hearted attempt, "Let me get you something."
One of the most popular phrases Siah grew up hearing about Yoon Okyoung is "your mother is a force to be reckoned with". The sentiment echoes true in the present as the woman carries the pugnacious confidence of a founder, even if her roots were far from Seomri. So, it was not a surprise when she receives a call from said figure at 5 AM about her monthly gathering. Reunite all of those who are acceptable in her books to her backyard where they feast and gossip in a way her pastor would praise in his next sermon. Talk about the strength in growing a community and fostering a responsibility to host. Her knee jerk reflex is 'whatever that means', but is spat out as a defeated 'yes'.
After spending most of the morning and the first breath of the afternoon above a stove and cutting vegetables in a uniform way ("Because you can't possibly serve those!"), Siah's social battery is more empty than full. Mainly drained by the elderly women who ask her about her future prospects. If Blue Noise's members are as pleasant as they look. If she still wants to dabble in music when it gives her little financial security. If she had plans on returning to Seoul after seeing her greet a newcomer with a smile with an over polite stretch. Most of her answers were more deceitful than truthful, trying to skirt around the black hole shaped as Jam Theory and the curiosity stirred by her sudden return and her company's public notice of her dismissal.
Not that anything was revealed. Of course not.
But, it seems it only tampered her spirits as the event was bustling. People from all ages were walking around her parents' backyard. Most lined up to serve themselves the assortment of main dishes and banchan on the plastic tables. Kimbap, japchae, a variety of jeon, yukgaejang. At the end, there was a grilling station where the mixture of scents meshed in the air. The breezes curdles under her nose.
Siah doesn't get to enjoy much of the food festivity as her mother ushers her to the designated section of young people. Once spotting a table with a single man, Okyoung points at it and encourages her to mingle with new people. Ignoring the blatant fact of how Ahn Minhyun doesn't fall under said category. Her mother is the one who told her about his supposedly messy divorce! But, she doesn't get the satisfaction to spell it out as her body instinctively obeys.
Pulling the chair and sitting down with a paltry plate, "Hi." The proper title to address him circles on her brain for a moment. Familiarity was scarce in their case. "Minhyun-ssi. Good to see you again. I hope you're enjoying Seomri."
Siah manages to nick her pinky finger by the fourth replay.
A crimson rivulet sprouts out of the cut, red drops thud against the wooden cutting board. Slowly getting absorbed by the aged and newer scratches. The sting alone would usually make her jolt, but the song —the one she painstakingly produced two weeks ago through a sketchy songwriting Zoom session— is still going. Notes stripped from their raw source and transformed through a music box-like synth she recently found. She internally files how it would sound better with a segue or rebrand it as a 2 minute and 15 second song.
As she angles her knife to a 180° degree to push the freshly cut pear onto a nicer plate, the sight of three contaminated pieces stops her in her tracks. Her features shift to the right as she scours through the pile with a frantic hand. Stares at the cause of her plight as if it was the sole culprit. Her pinky is now caked with a dried streak. Just like her left hand scarred by the aftermath of tearing hangnails. "Shit," She whispers before getting another pear and starting over again.
Once she finishes placing the cling wrap and shoving it into the right corner of her fridge, Siah takes a peek at the hung clock. Time stares back unflinchingly at her dawning recognition that it has none to spare. She tries to speed through her 'get ready' routine— one designed for a certain chunk of Seomri. It is a juxtaposition she hasn't worked on yet. Jaejun and her have a lot of years together. He is more friend than stranger. Familiarity likes burrowing in her heart, but can't fully settle yet. She hasn't fully recovered from her pleasing men stage, after all.
A knock on her door disrupts her process mid-way. She swallows the upcoming curse, heading towards the source without a flinch. Even when there is a strand of hair poking out in an unflattering way and her face is too bare for comfort. "Hi Jaejun," Her voice doesn't betray her inner turmoil. Open and warm. Pulling the doorknob towards her to let the tall man pass, "Thanks for coming. I have some corn silk tea, would you like some?"
Without waiting for his response, Siah heads to the kitchen. "Go to the living room. I left my laptop and all my stuff there." Said laptop is balancing on top of a pile of books, different sizes but all dog-eared and with broken spines and pouring love. Left stranded like an island where the ocean and its tides consists of crumbled pages and two empty containers of konjac jelly.
hi hi, i'm so excited to be here ! i brought along im siah, a woman whose ambitions were bigger than the sky and crashed down with the power of a meteorite crash. down below i leave a ( pretty long ) tl;dr.
that said, you already know the deal. if you would like to plot smth out, leave a like and i'll go to your ims ♡
BACKGROUND !
im siah was born to a stay at home mom and a badminton coach. while not the richest fam, they were pretty well off because her father managed to won the lottery in the early 90s with a batch of national winning hs students he coached in pohang. it wasn't long until he got recruited by an andong hs and built a legacy of creating regional competitive badminton teams
settled in seomri soon after because it was a free accommodation offered by the school. they looked like the perfect fam, but ofc looks can be deceiving. her dad had anger issues ( the aftermath of the imf crisis made them so much worse ) and he took it out on her mom, 2 siblings, and her. this is where she developed daddy issues aka started to seek his approval because if she made him happy, he would not lash out on her. she developed a man centered complex here... people pleaser to men who could help her !
her mom also had this belief that they only got married because she was pretty. she projected this beauty fear onto siah. hence why she started to obsessively care over her looks and gave her a bit of a superiority complex
she was unbearable during her teen years. she had a whole mean girl clique. it was not blatantly obvious because she gave out a ton of backhanded compliments like "wow you are sooo brave! i could never do that!" or "did you forget to buy sunscreen? [...] you purposefully went out like that ?"
everything was going fine until she had this introspective moment where she realized NOBODY had real expectations for her. she was called all these shallow adjectives related to her appearance because that's how little value she had on other ppl's eyes. made her grow Very resentful. had a ~rebellious~ phase
cue the rise of 2ne1 and snsd. she started to see herself on these beautiful women. thought to herself that she could be the next im yoona if she set her entire being on the line #delusionmaxxing. ( tbf, siah developed a huge interest in music during this time period. discovered she's actually very good at it ) at 16, she packed her bags and headed to seoul with her mom's blessings and her father's disapproval ( for once )
siah worked her ass off and her intense passion managed to secure a spot in the debut line. actually debuted too and the story was supposed to wrap with a happily ever after. but, there's a reason why she's back right?
siah became a victim of a deepfake. it was a bit ~frisky~ and it got distributed to all her company staff. even while she tried to prove that it was not her, there was a unanimous decision to kick her out. tbh she didn't fight that hard either... seeing her lose anatomy in such a violent way made her realize for the first time that she might not be built for this lvl of fame/job after all
came back to seomri. she was sooo unrecognizable like "is that a nose job?" she was a whole different person now ! purposefully stirred a rumour that she came back because she flopped big time ( "i heard she pulled one of her member's hair!!!" ). she rather go through this humiliation ritual than let anyone know her traumatic incident/vulnerability. made it super convincing by self isolating for a year and only going out to work as a part time barista in oni cafe
the following year she gritted her teeth and got back on everyone's good graces by acting like a Nice Next Door Girl Who Can Do No Wrong. actively participated in comm activities, dressed feminine enough to please the old aunties who used to give her shit in hs, smiled and laughed with past classmates by making the past seem like a small blight and she wants to be New!
got into blue noise because the entire process taught her that she really does love music + a way to win against her inner demons. she wants to return to the industry in her own terms and with a image she can fully control
PERSONALITY / HEADCANONS !
siah is a bit strange...! she is very sociable and loves being around people. likes making friends and being part of their lives in a significant way
she's very malleable to whoever she's around with. she tries to adjust her tone and attitude because she barely managed to control the rumour mill + loves being a hometown fav as a blue noise member. doesn't want to add to the fire. but, anyone with discerning eyes can tell something is slightly off about her smile and her supposed interest in them. loves to flirt her way out of things
anyone who is genuine friends with her will see her uglier sides. siah is vain and it's not a secret. this is a part of her that just oozes out in convos like "let me see" + "i don't like that angle" for the nth time for a insta story that might get 30 likes tops. she is not the nicest person like she's super judgmental and if you don't reach her standards, she will make it known in subtle ways
is obsessed with music. siah still hasn't had the realization that she's a much better producer than idol but. she loves producing and composing. she got her own spotify + melon page of her alt-pop / hyperpop songs ( please follow her ). is seeing if she should explore other band genres tho
is deathly afraid someone is going to discover the truth about her return. she gets random messages from pop culture journalists or comm majors doing their masters who want to interview her about the deepfake phenomenon. she always deletes their messages and blocks them
PLOTS !
due to the nature of the rp, there is going to be a lot of acquaintances or friends. at the top of my head i have: people she lowkey bullied during her teens and have a complex or straight up negative r/s with, rare genuine friends, someone who visited her during her isolation period and it's the only one who really knows why she left her group ( would require a lot of plotting ), someone who bonded with her over their love for either intensive skin care or/and music, the only ex she ever had because she led on everyone else in fear they might make her want to stay, fellow blue noise members !
if you reached to this point, thank you sm ! i can't wait to write with you all.
