This game destroyed my kokoro and after weeks of trying to fight it, here is fanart Q_Q
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@cowardlymerchant
This game destroyed my kokoro and after weeks of trying to fight it, here is fanart Q_Q
âŒÂ Preorders for my ALBW fanbook are open! ⌠This book is sold out! PDF version is available on Gumroad.
â Gumroad â Shop â Patreon
onehundredyearnapâ:
Scoot fruit? It was certainly a delightful name, and Link had picked it up to look over the little plant. He gave it a tame sniff, repressing that strange little urge in the back of his mind to lick itâŠ
Oh! The shopkeeper was still talking. Link perked a bit when he mentioned Zelda (who else would âthe princessâ be?), tilting his head quizzically at the mention of his wares. This man certainly had his attention, and Link scanned the stall for a better look. What could Zelda possibly want from this man?
âI wonât bite, ya know?â The man in the mask paused. âYou got bad experiences with rabbits or something?â
It was partly a joke. Being shy was one thing, and being mute was another - but this Link was practically stone-cold silent. In fact, the stoicism was gettinâ kind of creepy. Still, Ravio stepped back, allowing the man a clear look at his wares.
He spread his arms out, gesturing towards the tools left.
âWeeell, the fire rod we got in today was recently procured by a close friend of mine for a very generous discount. You just missed it, actually! Real tragic. Luckily for you and your princess, Mr. Hero, we still have an ice rod and a tornado rod in stock. Very exotic, never before seen in Hyrule! At least, according to Ms. Royal herself~!â
princessofruinsâ:
âYou said you were from a small hamlet called Lorule, but did not name another kingdom, which infers the hamlet in question is within Hyrule proper. If such is the case, I would have no doubt heard of it by now.â
Zelda closed her hand into a fist, tapping it to her lips, her brow furrowed as she thought.
âMaybe the Rito might be able to tell me moreâŠRevali is due to return to the castle sometime in the next week. Iâll ask him thenâŠthough I doubt heâll be half as interested as I am, since it doesnât involve a bow or a feat of prowess.â
Realizing sheâd started speaking to herself, Zelda faced him again.
âYouâve yet to offer a proper introduction. To whom am I speaking and doing business?â
âOh, I donât think itâll do you any good to ask~! Practically no one has ever heard of Lorule. Itâs not exactly in Hyrule, or any other kingdom, really! Lorule is just Lorule, and thatâs the way itâs always been. Weâre sort of unofficially our own thing, but we like to stay on the down-low about it.â
At her question, Ravio bowed down, offering out the princess an open hand to shake with a wave and a flourish that caused the ears on his mask to bounce back and forth.
âRavio, at your service! Professional vendor of professionally-acquired exotic goods, traveling merchant, and apparent bird trainer.â He poked his head back up. âOoh, does this mean Iâll get a âproper introduction,â too?â
princessofruinsâ:
Zelda had already drawn out the Sheika Slate, snapping a picture of the bird.
âSheerowâŠso, you trained him, then? That must be quite a feat, if he can come and collect your rented wares in dangerous places. Or is Sheerow a she? No mater the case, I admit Iâm impressed!â
When he leaned in closer, raising a hand to his mask, Zelda blinked, leaning in obligingly. Her expression fell when he said he didnât know. It was impossible to say if he really didnât know, or was feigning ignorance.
âThat one up there?â Zelda looked up to the nearest tree, peering. âItâs a blue-breasted swallow. Theyâre primarily found in central Hyrule in forested areas. Sheerow, howeverâŠIâve never seen a bird with that body type before, to say nothing of the plumage or the shape of the wings. It must not be native to Hyrule at all.â
Ravio craned his head up to the sky, staring blankly at the bird camped out on the branch above them through his mask.
âHmm. Bad example, bad example.â
Of course, most people wouldnât have been able to name the species of some random bird right off the bat - but it served him right for assuming the same of the princess.
âI told you, Ms. Royal.â He raised his hands. âIâm not from around here. Nobody would bat an eye at Sheerow from where Iâm from!â It wasnât exactly a lie. People in Lorule had a lot more important things to worry about.
âHeâs just a plain, old bird! Only, we happen to have a special connection.â Ravio poked the tip of Sheerowâs beak affectionately, and the creature immediately responded in kind - meeting him halfway. âSheerow always knows what I want and how Iâm feeling. Weâre like identical twins, separated at birth~! Cute, huh? Maybe heâs possessed or something!â
Been thinking about Princess Hilda. I think sheâs a really interesting character,,,, driven to toxic behaviour by desperation and the company of someone with malicious intent. Considering how little time in the game is spent with the details of the story, itâs pretty wild how much is implied.
Iâd imagine Hilda would go and apologies to Ravio a few hours after this, only to find heâs goneâŠ
onehundredyearnapâ:
A friend of the princess? Link found his brow knitting as the strange bunny-hood-man kept talking, giving him a sterner look at his comments to Epona. How rudeâŠ
Though Zelda not looking for him was much of a surprise. Some days he wondered if she could still stand him⊠others she just really, really wanted to be left alone. He at least wanted to find where she was, just to make sure she was doing all rightâŠ
The thought was dismissed at the⊠pear? Berry? Honestly he didnât have any clue what it was. A startled noise left his throat, and he gave the masked man a look before pointing quizzically at it.
âHa! Youâre not very talkative, are you?â Ravio leaned in a little closer, eyeing Link up and down.
âAre you mute?â A beat passed, the merchant continuing before Link could even try to respond. âNo, you arenât. Ooh, shy? How cute! You and the Princess make such an interesting pair~!â
He dangled the fruit out by the stem, wiggling it in front of Linkâs face.
âScoot fruit. Gets you out of tight situations - beloved by adventurers everywhere! And I do mean everywhere. Consider it a free sample. Unless youâre interested in browsing my wares for something else, Mr. Hero, sir? The Princess seemed awfully interested in my stock..â
princessofruinsâ:
âInsulting someone is hardly charming,â Zelda mumbled, mostly to herself, but something else quickly had her attention. Specifically, a little white beak peaking out of his sack.
Her eyes widened. A bird? Not any kind of bird sheâd seen before.
âHello, little friendâŠno need to be shy,â she coaxed, standing on her tiptoes to try and peer into the sack for another look. âIs that your pet? What sort of bird is that? Iâve never seen anything like it before.â
âEeeh?! Manners!â Ravio feigned shock. âMs. Royal, didnât they teach you not to rummage around in other peopleâs bags in royal school?â
Still, he drew open the mouth of the sack once more, allowing the princess to get a better look at the strange, orb-shaped bird creature with little tiny feet and light blue, angelic wings that was still staring up unblinkingly at her.
âThis is my associate, Sheerow. Heâs the one whoâll be plucking that fire rod off your unconscious body if you happen to lose a fight out there in the great, big wilds of Hyrule. Heâs not allowed out of the bag, right now.â
Ravio clapped his hands together. âNot everyone in your kingdom is as polite about their interest in Sheerow as you are~! So, Iâll let you in on a little secret..â
The merchant leaned in closer, cupping a hand in front of his mask in the area where his mouth might normally be, and lowered his voice to a faux whisper.
âHeâs just a bird. I donât know what kind. Can you name what kind of bird that is in that tree, up there? âCause I canât.â
@onehundredyearnap continued from here
âWow, you actually came over here!â Ravio startled back, exaggerating his disbelief. âI couldâve been anybody. Poor decision-making on your behalf, Mr. Hero! Luckily for you, Iâm a friend of the Princess.â
He shifted forward, leaning over the top of his stall to peer at Epona. âIs that your noble steed? Looks kinda shabby to me, but what do I know about horses? Iâm just a humble merchant.â
Ravio tilted his head up, the empty-eyed stare of his mask gazing impassively at Link. âThe Princess definitely is not looking for you, by the way. Quite the opposite, I think! But youâll find her eventually.â
He procured a pink, palm-sized fruit shaped like a pear from the pocket of his robe - one that seemed to be unrecognizable to Link. Ravio offered it out to him.
âHere! A gift for the Princess, or you - whichever one of you is doing the spelunking.â
@onehundredyearnap
âHey! Hey! Mr. Hero~!â
A lanky merchant in a bizarre, oversized rabbit mask seemed to be waving his arms wildly at the young man passing by on horseback from behind his stall at the market, flagging him down.
âOver here! Looking for something? Ooh, or maybe some~ one~?â
Looked like Ms. Royal was lying about the whole âno hero of Hyruleâ thing. Huh. He wondered why. Maybe they just hadnât met yet? In that case, Ravio probably looked absolutely nuts.
Haha, oh well.
princessofruinsâ:
Zeldaâs brow furrowed deeply as he went on his little rant, which was admittedly hard to follow. It seemed that was the point.
âYou are contrary to an extraordinary degree,â Zelda finally said, tilting her head at him. âYou seem to want me to dislike you and not trust you, but not too much, as you want someone to rent your wares. That being said, I am neither innocent nor chubby.â
Oh yes, he got a hard look for that comment. Her cheeks were not chubby.
But the look she gave him about her cheeks was nothing compared to the hard glare he received in response to his question.
âNo,â she said shortly, âI am not interested in securing weaponry for anyone but myself, and for the sages to study. I trust my rupees are as good as any one elseâs.â
Yikes, what was with that glare?
âI thought I was being pretty charming and mysterious, actually. But, wait - I guess thatâs being contrarian again, sorry.â
Ravio pocketed the ruby in his sack of money -- and as he did, a little alien-looking creature with a pure white beak and beady red eyes peered out from the top, staring at Zelda with a hollow gaze. He gently pushed that beak back down into his sack with a single finger, pointedly ignoring it.
âYouâre the one whoâs going to use it?â He let out a low whistle. âAdventuring or monster slaying? I mean, your rupees are as good as anyoneâs as long as you donât tell the cops! Joking. Not stolen. But seriously, donât tell the cops, I donât even have a permit. Iâll give you a permanent discount, and you donât even have to blackmail me!â
princessofruinsâ:
Zeldaâs brow furrowed, her head tilting. âA knight? Why would you thinkâŠ?â
Why would she demand a merchant become a knight? Nor would her father. It made no sense, and it was oddly specific.
âHas that happened to you before?â she found herself asking.
She could see how someone would get suspicious and pull it back to bear his face, but something about that, coupled with his talk of not being a knightâŠ
Zeldaâs eyelids lowered, her look turning to one of sympathy.
âOhâŠI understand. You werenât always a merchant, it seems.â
He could have been a criminal, but if that were the case, heâd have most likely agreed eagerly, if only to be closer to riches to steal. Since he refused, then he was likely a former knightâŠa deserter, who knew heâd be recognized and imprisoned.
Zelda reached into her pouch, producing a silver rupee. She spoke softly.
âNo matter your past, know that I do not seek to ruin your present. We need not be more than customer and merchant. As such, I would like to rent out this fire rod.â
âMuh?â
Ravioâs mask bobbled back and forth as he quirked his head back up to give Zelda a curious look.
Oh, she clearly thought she had him figured out. But that sad look he was receiving didnât settle well. Scumbag or not, he couldnât let her turn around with a fire rod in hand thinking he was some prisoner of war or something.
âNot befitting of a princess to make assumptions - not at all, Ms. Royal!â He tskâd at her, taking the rupee from her open palm. Was silver worth 100 or 200 here? Whatever. Either was good. He placed the fire rod back into her hand in place of her money.
âYou see, Iâm merely a lowly criminal and petty thief who is absolutely terrible at his job. Horrendous. Awful. I keep trying to scam these people, but every time -- ah!â He clutched at his chest dramatically. âAnother customer! My poor, weak heart strikes again! How could I befuddle the innocent, wide-eyed, chubby-cheeked princess of Hyrule?! How could I besmirch her faith in humanity?!â
Chubby-cheeked might have been pushing it - he was expecting a glare for that one. But this Zelda was genuinely a lot healthier looking than his was.
He dropped his hand, chipper attitude immediately returning.
âAnyway, tell your friends - not your father! Got any hero acquaintances who might need to be armed to the teeth by a man with dubious intentions?â
No matter the universe, Mr. Heroâs pockets were always lined.
princessofruinsâ:
Zelda opened her mouth to ask, only to have him mimic a similar question in falsetto, and answer himself soon afterwards. What a peculiar sort of fellow. Though, she wasnât used to being talked to in such a manner. It was refreshing. And entertaining, with that silly hood and its ears bouncing around.
Despite it all, she let out a soft giggle.
âI seeâŠso thatâs how you make your rupees, by renting these instead of selling them outright. Thatâs why you price them so high, too, I imagine.â
Zelda worried her lip with her fingers, considering his offer, before she turned towards him nodding.
âI have an offer that perhaps might interest you. I would like to have these studied by both myself and the sages in the castle. But they may have further questions about their origins.â
She smiled, holding her hands together. âWould you be interested, therefore, in temporary employ at the castle? You would be paid as a magical consultant, as well as your rental fees, of course. It would be a great help to us preparing a defense.â
A magical consultant? That was new.
Tempting as the offer was, monetarily speaking - Ravio couldnât ignore that it would likely mean expunging details about his homeland that could put him at risk of becoming the royal science experiment.
Well, at best.
At worst, theyâd just yank off his hood and publicly shame him before heâd go scuttling somewhere else, too mortified to ever show his sorry face in this dimension ever again.
He liked being the man of mystery here - not so much being Ravio, the embarrassment of Lorule.
âWow! Me, a real, live employ of the castle?!â Ravio finally spoke. âAwful tempting, Ms. Royal. You sure know how to twist a merchantâs arm. Iâll have to say.. hmm.. !â
He clicked his tongue.
âNo, but thank you anyway. Iâm a traveling merchant, not a knight. You know, first thingâs first youâre employed under the King, then suddenly theyâre demanding you take your mask off and throwing you in the royal dungeon! Nobles. Not that I think youâd do that, buuut~ whoâs to say~ your father wonât~?â
Or whatever this universeâs equivalent of Ganon was.
princessofruinsâ:
âLorule? No, I admit I havenât. What region is it in?â
Not that he had any chance to answer, before sheâd raised the rod and, fatefully, taken aim.
Whoosh.
Zelda cried out in shock, her eyes flying open wide as a tornado of flame consumed the entire section of fence. She quickly lowered the rod, ending the flames, but the damage was already done. The fence wasâŠwell, more charcoal than fence any longer.
âO-OhâŠoh goddess,â Zelda babbled, a hand over her mouth, before quickly putting the rod back down.
She grabbed the nearest bucket, rushing to the well behind them to grab some water and douse the flames still licking along the fence. It took several buckets, but soon, everything was extinguished, and soggy.
âIâŠI had no idea,â Zelda managed, putting the empty bucket back down. âIâve seen fire rods used before but they never produced something like â it was only ever a burst of flame, like a fire arrow, not a maelstorm. The magic contained in thisâŠâ
She picked the rod back up to study it in renewed vigor.
âThis isâŠfascinating. I simply must get these back to the castle for further study!â She looked back at the smoking fence. ââŠafterâŠpaying the owner for the damage, of course. Forgive me, are you alright?â
Maybe it was for the best that the Princess had been interrupted before sheâd had the chance to grill Ravio any further -- or notice his slip-up, for that matter.
âOh, donât apologize to me, Ms. Royal! Not my fence!â So, not his problem either. Though, it was definitely her problem now. âMaybe itâs a public fence? Nah, probably not. Anywho, letâs talk pricing!â
Ideally, before she found out anything more about him. Nosy, wasnât she? He was a perfectly trustworthy, be-masked merchant of dubious origin!
âYou seem the well-educated type! You must understand that such a maelstrom of magic calls for a maelstrom of a price. But for a kindhearted lady of the people such as yourself, Iâll saaaay.. 100 rupees to rent it, and 1200 rupees to buy it.â He reached over the counter, plucking the rod from her hands.
ââBut, Mr. Handsome and Generous Merchant, sir!â I hear you cry,â Ravio continued, putting on a falsetto. ââWhat do you mean by renting?ââ He cleared his throat, letting his voice drop back to normal.
âYou see, dear Ms. Royal, for a minimal fee, I will allow you to borrow this item for any length of time you see fit so long as you do not fall unconscious, comatose, deceased, or slumber deep enough in a manner that may resemble death on first glance. Note, however, that I said borrow. Meaning, it comes back to me! Double meaning, you break it you buy it.â
princessofruinsâ:
Zelda frowned deeply, but then went back to observing them. âMs. Customer will do. StillâŠhmmâŠthese look entirely different from the wands found in HyruleâŠâ
Zelda tilted it this way and that, noting how the jewel sparkled. âWhat land did they come from? Iâve never seen a construction like thisâŠâ
She took out her slate again to carefully snap a few pictures of each, returning it to her hip, and then looking around. It was hard not to be excited at the prospect of trying them out herself.
âVery well. Do you have a suggested target? Something that wouldnât be damaged, or could be replaced quite easily. A pot would be easiest. Thereâs always one around no oneâs usingâŠaha!â
She put the rod aside to rummage around an old barrel, triumphantly pulling out a cracked pot.
âYes, this will do nicely,â Zelda decided, putting it on a nearby fence post. âIâll need to document the differences. Trial one.â
Raising the fire rod, she took aim at the pot.
âA noble? Curious about little olâ me?! Goodness, Iâm all aflutter! Flattery will get you nowhere, Ms. Royal, except maybe this once -- Iâll fork out a discount! Just for you and any heroes you happen to know!â
Ravio leaned forward on his table, resting his head on his hand as he watched her excitedly snap a handful of pictures of each item.
âWell, I was born the humble apprentice of a blacksmith in the exotic, far-off hamlet known as Lorule! I doubt youâve heard of it, Ms. Royal. Few have. Very obscure, and so very, very tiny --â
He cut himself off as Zelda pulled a pot from a nearby barrel and placed it atop a fence post, his words catching in his throat.
âAh, hold on a second, Ms. Royal --â
She raised the rod, and Ravio made a startled, choked off noise, waving his hands wildly.
âWh-- W-Wait! Wait, Princess, w-wait!â
It seemed to be too late, though, as the rod sparked a massive tornado of red-hot fire the moment that Zelda aimed it with the intent to shoot. The whirlwind seemed to char the pot completely black and set the fence itself ablaze -- reducing the wood to ash in mere seconds as the pot collided with the ground, shattering as the fire quickly spread to the rest of the fence.
âAhah -- ahaha, oh.â Ravio wheezed. âWhoopsie.â
princessofruinsâ:
âPeople who hide their faces scarcely make it easy to trust them,â Zelda returned, her eyes flickering up to rest on the bunny mask. It was an admittedly very odd choice, but sheâd seen stranger.
With the Yiga clan about, sheâd been chased by stranger.
At the offer though, Zelda picked up a fire rod carefully, turning it in her hands, eyes squinting as she tried to search for any imperfections or obvious defects.
âI know youâve noticed the blue I wear,â Zelda said suddenly, not bothering to look up, âEveryone in the kingdom knows what it means. I hope you understand what the consequences will be if it should be found out you are selling stolen goods to the royal family. That being saidâŠshould these be genuine, Iâd be interested in the cost.â
From initial inspection, the fire rod appeared to be in good condition -- though the build and composition was entirely different than anything Zelda would have been familiar with. This rod seemed to sport a round gem at the tip, rather than the usual wand-like shape common to Hyrule.
âHaah? Blue?â
Ravio tilted his head to the side, ears flopping over.
âSorry, Ms. Customer, but Iâm not from around here! Iâm a traveling merchant, of sorts. Oh, but if youâre royalty - I oughtâa call you Ms. Royal, right? And if youâre a royal, I oughtâa upcharge you -- ahah, just kidding!â
Gosh, this Princess sure took herself seriously. Though, uh - most did, his own included.
âAnywhozits, theyâre not stolen! Cross my heart, hope to die, stick a needle in my eye. Try âem, honestly, I swear! Then we can talk pricing.â
@cowardlymerchantâ
âWhy do I get the distinctive feeling Iâm being cheated?â Zelda mumbled to herself, looking over the merchantâs wears. She leaned over closely, peering at something, before she pulled the slate from her side to look through it.
It came up with a very unhelpful question mark
âWhere did you find these?â
âWould this face ever lie to you, Ms. Customer~?â
Or should he say, Ms. Princess?
Perhaps sheâd pay out more handsomely if Ravio pretended not to notice! Oh, but he knew that face when he saw it - even though in some universes it may have been a little different. He swallowed down the last shred of dignity he had - coincidentally, the only part protesting him attempting to pawn his goods off on Her Royal Highness.
âThat was a rhetorical question, by the way! Donât answer that.â
The man in the oversized rabbit mask gestured to the display of tools with a dramatic flourish, proudly showing off the ice rod, fire rod, and tornado rod -- the ears on the mask bobbing as he did.
âGo ahead, try one out and let the quality speak for itself! But only once. Iâm not running a charity here, you know~?â
He seemed to be purposefully avoiding her question.