So overall, my dad just ranted to me for a whole 30-45mins or so. Ever since he came back from Spain, all I know is he is being picky about the nitty and gritty stuff.
Earlier, I walked outside to let him know, dinner was ready as my mom had finished cooking.“You eat first”, he said with this annoyed tone. Me just being me, I just shrugged it off.
Meanwhile, me and my mom were having a discussion while eating dinner. My mom was talking about how my dad wouldn’t mind going back to Spain again. And I said, I can understand why. My mom’s point was “if I have been there, why should I go back?”. For my mom, travelling is about just seeing things in real life, and not so much experience. She is the type of person who sits back and watches people and try to understand them for a distance. She prefer not to engage if she doesn’t have to with other ethnicities. Her comfort zone is just Chinese food and Chinese people. I told her, I prefer the lifestyle of Europe and Asia because these small areas force you to commune with the community and speak to others. Spaces are relatively small in terms of living space so social life is very vibrant part of everyday life. I believe by being put in this situation, you are forced to understand and learn more about people and what they do and how they think. As we know, not everyone thinks the same way.
Then, my dad walks in and then abruptly starts yelling at me.
“You know what, the entire two weeks we were gone, you did nothing. You drove the car but never gas up the car. You waited for us to come home so that you wouldn’t have to pay for it. When have you ever paid for gas? NEVER! Also, you never wash the car. The only time I’ve seen you watch the car was when I asked you to. Why is it that you can use and but not clean it as well?!”
Inside my head, I just stayed silent. My dad was clearly mad and I knew that there was not much I can say to calm him down. I just took it in and practiced breathing techniques I use for stretching at the gym while listening to him.
I did clean the entire house. I swept and vacuumed the entire house and onto of it, mopped the entire house.
I did not wait till they came home to not pay for gas. The gas was sitting at 137-138 cents per litre for two weeks. Would you gas up at such a high price? And it just so happens coincidentally that the gas price drops back down to 128.9 cents per litre the day my parents come home.
I paid for the gas on four occasions. Never have they been infront of his presence nor did I tell him. Why you might ask? Why do I have to make it known that I did pay for gas?
Cleaning the car, he’s got me on that one. I admit I don’t clean it that often than I should.
Then follows this “Ever since you graduated, you aren’t able to hold a full time job. You have no shame. Look at you, right now with only a part-time job. More school,my ass. You are just wasting my money. Here you make everyone wait for you because of your gym, cook for you, clean for you. You have no shame. Look at your younger cousin, she got a full-time job not long after she graduated. She just told me that April, she taking her dad to fly to Edmonton and go see Jasper and train back down to Vancouver. You? You said you’ll pay for Spain but look what happen?! You didn’t pay a single penny. I had to pay for it all. All talk, no action.”
I bare some partial blame on my end for not finding a full-time job after graduation. But I put a partial blame on my parents as they forced me to return back to Vancouver ASAP to take care of my grandmother in the hospital.
Yes, I do have a part-time job. Why? Because I am pressured to find some kind of full-time job by my parents but yet at the same time, they expect me to return back to school full-time. I fail to see how this will work out. I did full-time work and school at one point, and it definitely drained the hell out of me.
I admit I go to the gym after my part-time shift. It’s the only time! My mom wants me home for dinner around 5-6pm. They don’t want me to go out late at night to pass midnight. Even if I workout after dinner, it takes me 1 hour to commute one way to my gym. And thats only after I finish doing the dishes by 7:30. So if you do the math, I don’t get to my gym until 8:45pm and I have to leave by 10:30. My cardio alone is 45mins! This is why I prefer working out after my shift at 2:30pm.
He’s got me on the cooking aspect that my mom cooks for us. But he’s also to blame. He never cooks.
Cleaning on the other hand, I clean my own damn bathroom, my own room and the computer room. If I have time and want to help my mom, I will. I don’t see him doing that ever. The only thing he cleans is the car. He has never touched a vaccuum, mop, or a terry cloth to clean any portion of the house.
He’s got me on the not paying for the trip as I did offer. But when I did offer, I held my full-time salaried job. I would lose that job a month later. Even my mom understood why I didn’t end up paying for it. Yet he doesn’t seem to care.
Needless to say, it was just cut-throat. I just kept quiet and said nothing much. There wasn’t much I could say.
However, there is one aspect of me that shone through.
I felt pestered. He has never genuinely give because he wants to give. He asks other people to help him only because he expect it from them.
But inside, I felt something different.
I felt pity towards him. Why, you might ask? Because I know my dad is lonely. He feels like me and my mom are picking on him. With my mom, my dad cannot win a reasonable and logical fight. With me, he can because I have yet to accomplish enough to stand my ground against him.
I feel bad for him for the anguish he self inflicts. His jealousy, anger and frustrations that make him so bitter. His belief of being righteous and finding the need to be right. But when things don’t go his way or bother him, he is ill tempered and impatient.
Over the last five years of coming home, I’ve seen my dad change a lot. He once used to be a very relatively happy man. He had good close friends, family whom he had a love-hate relationship with, and good health relatively.
Now, its quite different. His now only closest friends are his former coworkers who are retired. He spends his day off with those two of whom he feels: one is a know-it-all and the other just takes/receives from others but not gives. Ever since his trip to the South Pacific, he blames his sister for a family issue that arose now based off a decision their parents made when they were teenagers. He refuses to understand his sister and rather places blame on her for the current scenario. Which is why, he said to me yesterday after I told him about cheap flights to New Zealand, he said “I’m not going back”. Not only that, his health hasn’t be that great because he still has high blood sugar and pressure. He is not willing to change the way he eats to make the necessary changes.
Needless to say, I feel bad. Not for the things I did not do, but for him. For how miserable he makes his own life. Then somehow has to blame me for the crap he has to deal with.
If there has been anything, my mom has over the last 5 years learn to talk to me as an individual. She politely asks me. She gives me respect. She gives me space. Ultimately, she tries to understand where I come from and tries to meet me half way. It is because of my mom, I endure this verbal abuse from my dad. I know, if I didn’t live in the house. My mom would mentally break down from being annoyed by my dad. And vice versa.
Ultimately, I look at myself as the sponge that just has to take everyone’s shit.
If there is anything I take away from my father’s verbal abuse, rant, or yelling. Whatever he wants to call it.
I don’t ever want to be as miserable as he is. And also to find a scapegoat to off-load. Nor would I ever treat anyone like that. If anything, I would rather be more loving, caring, and compassionate.
