Behind my beautiful eyes

30. Free Spirited. Writer. Poet.

[be-humblle]

[creativemindstate]

Rarely I ask other’s to pray for me or my family but lately things have been so hard and so confusing

I’m angry all of the time this isn’t amusing

Lord come rescue me I could use something other than abuse if you choose

I’m most certain you said that there would be better days

I give you praise

Thank you

But what’s the rule and when do I get to see what a better day feels like

I’m hurting and fighting for my life

Tell me, what can I do to make it right?

I don’t feel strong or able

But everyday you place me at the Head of the table

Oh, you’re able

To pick me up and put me down

Turn my screwed up face into a smile

Show me you haven’t forgotten about me in the midst

Then boom a kiss

Right on the forehead because those are divine

If I fight the fight I could have more time

You told me this is how things are designed

When I’m outta my body and half outta my mind

You pull me in

Once again because this isn’t my destination

You know how much I hate it but you’re building me up to walk the road you’re paving

By design

With me in mind

I am grateful but sometimessss

Boyyy I want to scream

I want to run away

I want to hide

Because you didn’t tell me that some days I may cry and maybe I won’t know how to stop right away

Maybe sometimes I’ll wonder why for hours at a time

And that maybe just maybe I’ll want to face death

So often….

You didn’t tell me I’ll be on the weak end

Hanging off the deep in

So deep in it

That I may not recognize myself

I may not prioritize me because I am caught up

I may not remember to say thank you

And I love you

Because sometimes the site of my weak body and my teary eyes just don’t look quite like me

So I just want to know what’s a good home

When the walls have cracks and the stones that laid the foundation are falling apart

And every fall is so hard

Disregarding my fragile bones

4:15 pm 6/20/22

[creativemindstate]

#Prana #Medicating #Meditating #Releasing

[creativemindstate]

[creativemindstate]

[creativemindstate]

[creativemindstate]

[creativemindstate]

Too much is on my conscious to be smart about it

[creativemindstate]

Guard your essence

[picsthatmakeyougohmm]

hmmm

[spiroandthelacktones]

Oh my god It’s her, it’s Janet Sport

[creativemindstate]

I see your plan

And it makes me mad

I ask questions like why are things happening so frequently and why is my frequency way off?

Dodging the weapons formed against me

Trails and tribulations

The demons are climbing in me

Too hard to see your plan at times

I open my eyes and I realize

The lessons I've learned and the pain I've fought through

Asking myself, how could you hate you?

Why would you want to kill yourself?

Like those children you have don't need you

I thought that maybe I could be selfish one fucking time!

Hoping that the pain will finally go away

I've never known a pain so terrible that boils up soo heavily inside

My outward reactions don't simplify

How I really feel

Maybe I'm learning to hide and lie under the smiles

Asking God, why the heavy load?

And I'm sick of the same ol shit

I don't want to hear that, I can handle it!

I'm not supposed to be into this

Balling up my fist

Screaming life's a bitch!

I'd rather be nurtured and truly loved

The biggest hugs

The realist love

Unconditional smiles

So blessed

I ask God how

I feel so alone

I can feel the pain in every bone

Running from my thoughts

I have no home

I can't sit still in my flesh

I am not comfortable

I can hear the negative words being thrown at my mental

I pray you have a friend to

Help pick you up

Talk you out of it when you want to be reckless

Don't lose hope and don't forget this

I know things get hected but you're gonna be well repected

Hold on to this lesson

Count this as your big blessing

That you'll walk in favor and you'll touch many lives

You hold on to you and watch someone hold on to them

Breathe in until the calm comes over you

Live your life

With nothing to prove

Continue to pour into yourself and multiply your wealth

Stay up in your health

Because allowing people to tear you down will leave you stuck

Stop being a victim of lust

Baby you're so bright

Guard your energy and your light

One day when the time is right

You'll be loved by your shining knight

[creativemindstate]

You ever been dieing of thirst and smelt rain?

Ever been told "go to hell" and felt flames?

The water's to your neck and only gets deeper

Its all down hill and it only gets steeper

Gotta get over it, be a hurdle leaper

It cost to be the boss, it ain't getting no cheaper

But there's a man above that we all under bro

No bread truck but He work wonders though!

After you wake up, everything is wonderful

You can overcome anything you undergo

[creativemindstate]

Walk

Run

Jump

Crawl

But get there

[creativemindstate]

Some days I feel myself slowly slipping away. I'm standing in the middle of the floor while everyone takes a piece of my existence and I am losing myself. I am afraid that I won't be able to find myself when its all over. 

[creativemindstate]

Sinking 

I’m not breathing 

Where were you when I needed 

Love and affection

Lecturing and protection

From myself mostly

Observing my ways so closely

Touching my body so carefully

Because you care for me 

But we could never be

Like the sun and stars align 

Baby I wanted you to be all mine

I’m missing you like a climate change 

I apologize if all of this sounds strange 

[ionfuckwitchu-deactivated202107]

[vogista-deactivated20181216]