Random Rambles

My ramblings through the vast information highway. My thoughts on life, things that are important to me, influence me, upset me....etc. etc. etc.

[crisflay1]

To my daughters

I so want you to be happy. I so pray for your blessings. I know I wont have a lifetime with you, as you came into my life, mostly, grown. I want to spend eternity with you.

I want you to know that God loves you. He sent His son, a part of Him, to suffer through human life, like you are. To eat, drink and have friends, like you do. To show you what life can be. To give you a love and support like no other.

He sent His Son to teach you timeless lessons that are as relevant today as they were in His life.

He sent His Son to live a short, meaningful. life and a brutal death - FOR YOU. Because He knew you before He shaped you in the womb and treasured you.

He is a loving Father who suffered unknowable pain in causing and allowing His beloved Child to be so mistreated by humans. Because HE loved you so much.

Can you imagine? Would you be able to? Even knowign all the things you've done and are goint to do? No me.

Please accept this extra-ordinary gift. Don't let that love, life, pain and sacrifice go to waste. Accept that the Father sent His Son for you. Accept the Son's gift to you and Him as your personal Savior. Secure your eternal life.

My love for you is as big as this finite, flawed, weak human can love. His love for you is infinite, all-encompasing, eternal, flawless.

He and His Son are the best gift I can gie to you. Please accept it.

I love you

Mom

[crisflay1]

I'm writing this here because I know no one reads it.

What mother's day is, from a jaded mother of 26 years. I HATE MOTHER'S DAY.

When my first boy was born, in March, on my first mother's day I was told, by my husband , that I was not his mother therefor he didn't need to do anything.

His mother and my mother were very upset and they bought me flowers etc.

It has been like that every year. When the boys were old enough they made things and did things for me. We would go on picnics and swimming.

Now my kids are mostly grown, with their own kids. My DIL took my youngest shopping at walmart and they got something for me. I so greatly appreciate the thought and effort. I've gotten the obligatory Facebook posts and love them.

My FIL told my husband , last night, that he WOULD do something for me for mother's day and to let him know what it was. My husband asked what I wanted. We discussed a hike in a park with the dog. When we got home my DIL and youngest were home.

My husband told my youngest he was going to help him plant the garden. My grandson was sleeping so my DIL said let's go finish reorganizing your bathroom.

So, yet again he did nothing and I'm doing what I'd rather do anyway. In my bed room, watching TV, by myself.

Mothers day is not for moms. It is for kids. It's to make kids feel bad that they can't buy what they think their moms deserve.

I would rather be allowed to spend the day, on my own, so that I wont be disappointed.

Birthdays are about the same.

[crisflay1]

Change is just change; not good or bad. I keep walking in faith.

I have been doing a Bible study about the Armour of God.  It asks about struggles in my life.  Throughout the study it teaches you how to pray in a productive manner.  Crafting your prayers with scripture and asking for specific things. 

My struggle was my job.  I was very stressed in the beginning about the changes being made (5 schools, people leaving, director wanting to make even bigger changes).  I know this is what God has for me to do, but felt I was being hindered greatly.

This week. At church, Roger Cook. spoke about praying and how we should be praying.  He said several things I was already of mind to do - pray right then for a person asking, keep a list and pray - persistently.  Prayer doesn’t need to be formal but should be often and in any mood.  I started a list.  

Yesterday, a graduated student told me I was a big support in her education and invited me to her BSW pinning.  A current student reminded me I told him I was coming to his concert.  He is brand new here and there is no mother present.  I had church and told him but he reminded me I promised.  I was a little miffed about missing the bible study and was ruminating on the drive home.  I looked up and saw a small rainbow in the overcast sky.  God was telling me “it’s all right, I  promise.”

I knew these were 2 signs that I am doing his plan even though the details are not for me to know.

Today I sent a picture of a girl and I to her mother.  They are returning to their home country; we may never see each other again.  This little girl has taught me so much.  She has Downs and has not been in a school setting before.  She speaks only Spanish.  Some place she learned a few ASL signs.  I used this to teacher her English.  I learned signs with her.  She also taught me that learning happens in any setting, even without lesson plans.  She usually would not participate in my plans.  I had to adapt to her moods, interests, inclinations if I wanted to accomplish anything

Her mom posted my picture and several others from school, praising her daughter and her brief time in school, stealing hearts and learning another language.  Her gratitude to God was awesome.

Just another sign that I’m doing what I’m supposed to do. No matter what the ‘hindrances’ are.  I keep walking in faith and doing what God wants and it will all be good in the end. Change is just change: not good, not bad.

[crisflay1]

In memorium

When you lose a friend

Even a friend you only see on rare occasions -

There is a hole in the web

Of your life

A feeling that things aren't

Complete

That that quadrant of your sphere of existance

Is rent open

And the vaccuum created is allowing that part

Of your world

To escape

There is no plug

Maybe a patch

But that part of your existence

Is weak

Exposed

Lost

I miss you Becky.

[crisflay1]

Blackout poem from Proverbs 31, A Poem on the Woman of Worth

A Woman of Worth

Charm is deceptive

                                   and beauty fleeting

She

Enjoys acclaim for her work 

Secures provisions 

Distributes food to her household 

Acquires it from her earnings 

Watches over her household 

Has strength and vigor 

Opens her mouth in wisdom

Does not in idleness

Her

Income brings profit, not loss

Lamp is never extinguished at night

Children call her blessed

Husband praises her

Husband trusts her judgement

Deeds praise her

She is clothed with strength and dignity

            Fine linen and purple

She who fears the Lord is to be praised

A blackout poem of Proverbs 31 A Poem in the  Woman of Worth

[crisflay1]

When you get together and start a family it is not (usually) just the 2 of you. You bring family that knows you, molded you, taught you your version of family. Likewise your partner has brought a version of family.

Now add your siblings and their partners. More family models, meshing or clashing. Then add your partners siblings and their partners. One big quilt of tectonic plates blending or clashing. Harmony or earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, and tsunamis.

It is your choice, however, to how to handle it.

[crisflay1]

From one woman to another

Mothers and Daughters , sisters and grandmothers are protectors. They will protect children, family from anything needed.

Please don't tear each other down, no matter what your personal ideas/feelings are. I am guilty of this and need to work on it, myself. We need to support each other. Carrying, bearing and raising children is not an easy task.

Drama does no good.

Those who guard mouth and tongue guard themselves from trouble.

Proverbs 21:23 NABRE

https://bible.com/bible/463/pro.21.23.NABRE

Poem of the woman of worth

Who can find a woman of worth? Far beyond jewels is her value. Her husband trusts her judgment; he does not lack income. She brings him profit, not loss, all the days of her life.

....

She opens her mouth in wisdom; kindly instruction is on her tongue.

Proverbs 31:26 NABRE

...

Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband, too, praises her:

Proverbs 31:28 NABRE

https://bible.com/bible/463/pro.31.10-12.NABRE

[crisflay1]

Open Arms - Live Oak

There’s something about a live oak in a cemetery. Protecting the peace of the passed.  Was it alive when these people walked the earth and lived off the sea?  Did they rest against it to visit their loved ones? Do they benefit now from it’s strong silence, shade, fortitude? Do they appreciate the birds that lite and sing?

Does it get nourishment from them becoming earth again? Does it intertwine with them, giving them new life?

Will it continue on for the next generation?  If I were to spend my last days here would it guard my remains and grow with my DNA in it’s bark, branches, leaves and acorns? Steadfastly watching human history flow past. Ever wondering of our need to move?

[crisflay1]

Spencer the Cat

Spencer the Cat

Sitting in my lap

enjoying my touch

oh, so, so, much

ears notched

skin blotched

happy to have attention

giving me peaceful intervention

scratch

kneed

scratch

need

scratch

purr

oh that soft fur

I hate to put you down

you little cat of Ocracoke Town

[crisflay1]

Funny reactions to the past

With the introduction of online music steaming, I've found a little bit of my past I had forgotten.  And it has affected me in a funny way.  I started listening to Cuban Caribbean music again.

 I was born in Puerto Rico and moved to Miami when I was 3.  My dad was born in Cuba and many of my friends growing up in Miami were Cuban.  When I was 12 we moved away from all that.  

I didn't listen to Caribbean music again until now.  It has a power over me, makes me happy, wanting to dance,  I can't be unhappy listening to it.  I also get a lot done.  

Is it because it was a childhood memory and perhaps Daddy or Mommy danced with me?  Is it a comfort thing?  Or is the music just upbeat, happy music?

[crisflay1]

wounds

When a heart is wounded, it never really heals. The wounds just sort of crust over. It's kind of like the surface of the sun, roiling and broiling, crusting when it cools, then erupting in flares of pain or joy. But the wounds never go away. They boil and fester under the surface. You can pretend everything is normal. You can bury the pain, but it will boil up again with more hurt and new wounds. One day those wounds will boil over and no longer be contained.

[crisflay1]

technology

I so love technology. Just got a new tablet. I used my blackberry for everything before but now I ignore it and play on the tablet. My boys and I were talking about the future of tech, and how fast things are moving. We were talking about how interfaces were going to be directly to the brain. If you want info you just think about it and it's there. The conversation moved to education and the changing of how teachers would teach. My son stated that teachers would be obsolete. I pointed out that the interface would probably need a certain age before it could be installed. A teacher would have to teach how to handle the interface and how to differentiate information validity, etc. I also pointed out the need to teach social interaction. I wish I was a writer. I see an Asimovian story blooming out of this....

[faithandfearcollide]

“Do you think that she would ever hurt him?” ”No! Never! Everyone else, but not him.”

[crisflay1]

If my life had a theme

If my life had it theme it would seem to be "Don't make plans." God has been teaching me this lesson for years.  Every time I make plans something completely blocks what I had in mind.  I have stopped 'dreaming' about the future because those don't come true.  God does tend to have a better plan...  You'd think that I'd learn not to plan.  But no.  Not me.

Last year, at the end of the school year I thought: I've been here 3 years, at the same school, in the same classroom.  I've been told things will not change.  So I made plans for the next school year.  I began some rearranging of furniture and organizing and labeling of books and drew up plans for a theme and even began to redecorate.

I found out, at the end of the year that my HS classroom would change but that was no big deal.  I was in a temporary room anyway and the custodians told me they'd move my meagre stuff.

1/2 way through the summer I was told my MS classroom was being moved as well.  This summer was greatly shortened due to schedule changes and the youth group I worked with was active almost the entire month of July so I couldn't get into my classroom until the first teacher day back.  I came down with the killer crud the day before we were due back.  Then I saw my schedule. My plans were almost  useless.

Now I have no plans.  I am teaching day by day.  Some teachers send work my students need help with.  I have a few websites the kids get on to learn English.  

So what is my lesson?  Is it you don't need plans?  My boss does not agree with that.  Is it that I should ask God to help me plan?  Yes...always...Is it to relax and go with the flow and do what the kids need more than what I 'think' they need?  More to the point?? But planning ahead is very limited.

Just relax....

[crisflay1]

[crisflay1]

Parent, Wife, Teacher, Group Leader......and techie

In this ever so changing world, I like so many other, have many jobs/titles/duties.  I love most of them or I guess I wouldn't be doing them.  I am so very thankful for all our modern technologies to help me make it through my day.  

I can not believe how readily available so much information is to us now.  My youngest has a question and I can get it answered almost immediately.  I need a recipe and just have to type in a few of the ingredients.  I contact most of my club members within minutes when needed.....on my laptop or my cell....always available.

Now I am just trying to keep up so that I can equip my children, students, club members with the knowledge they need to go out into this incredibly fast-paced world.  The technology I teach them now will be old next year and obsolete soon after that.  What I need to teach them is to learn and adapt at the drop of a hat.  No more finding something that works and staying with it for years....

Here I can post ideas, links, pictures and things this ADD mind needs to keep in a special place.  Just one more tool.  Thank you.