Folded in half and nearly split in two

Non-binary/Genderqueer They/their/them pronouns

[brucebocchi]

[dilfhershellayton]

so you might say

[dilfhershellayton]

like

[dilfhershellayton]

you might say i could go h

[smokingrozanov]

Ilya: would you still love me if I was a worm?

Shane: baby, of course. I would take such good care of you. Get you the nicest dirt I could. & I’d bring you to the rink every day so you could wiggle around on the ice :)

Ilya: okay :D would you still love me if I was bad at hockey?

Shane: Please don’t ask me that

[knownqueerbaiter]

[ubering to the club]

ilya: it is 2010s hits night so i hope they play lots of ke$ha

shane: i didn’t know kesha had songs other than the tik tok one

ilya: i can tell you are not pronouncing dollar sign.

[important-dog-pics]

[sometiktoksarevalid]

[lostsometime]

ok sorry to double reblog BUT I just looked him up and he does these fantastic videos where he breaks down HOW he actually mimics the other artists’ styles. Like for ed Sheeran, he explains how he brings his voice forward in the mouth, while Adam Levine sings in the back of the mouth, stuff like that. It’s SO COOL, I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone actually break down how to do this sort of thing, as a skill, instead of just treating it like a neat trick they just happen to be good at. https://www.tiktok.com/@justinjmooremusic

Check him out he’s so cool

[crumplelush]

fuck ai and hell yeah to groan tube

[hudconera]

this is like a renaissance painting

[littlegirlinvisible]

HEATED RIVALRY 1.06: THE COTTAGE + HRTwT VERSION

[cloudabserk]

BEST DAY EVER ☀️🌸❤️🦋

based on this

[shut-up-gwen]

Ilya: this guy is cute, I should start a stationary bike race so he knows I want to get sweaty together

Ilya: that didn’t quite work. Maybe I should just give him the eye? While I tell him I hope he likes his new city?

Ilya: okay. But surely if I make him drink from my water bottle and brush his fingers when passing it over…?

Ilya: call him pretty. To his face. No way he can miss that

Ilya: desperate measures, I’ll have to tell him I orchestrated this whole ad campaign just so I could see him again

Ilya: WHAT IF I STARTED JERKING OFF IN THESE COMUNAL SHOWERS?

[blacksheepcolorfulskin]

WHY IS THIS SO GOOD?!

[my-2nd-account]

The difference is that jealous Ilya looks homicidal while jealous Shane looks suicidal

[crumplelush]

Which is ironic because it’s actually the other way round. Ilya is definitely going to kill himself because his man left him and got a movie start girlfriend, while Shane is going to murder Ilya if he talks about girls one more time

[hollanovshome]

happy wet shane wednesday!

inspired by this post by @ilyasmole , the whole thing is incredible, but specifically this part:

ilya's own fingers dig into the soft flesh of shane's waist and he tugs him impossibly closer, murmurs, "are you gonna come for me, hollander?" all low and sensual, and shane can barely speak, can only give a desperate nod as his eyes squeeze shut and his cock bobs in the mirror. "yeah? you gonna show me how you come from just this?" and he punctuates the words with the slow pounding of his hips, burying his nose in the side of shane's face and keeping his eyes fixated on where shane continues to leak.

thank you for your beautiful inspiring wonderful hornyposting <3

full art on ao3

my art tag

don’t forget to reblog <3

[celestialblueboy]

Fuck this noise about ‘Team Mom’ Shane. That man is an airport dad. His hobbies include reading biographies and investing in real estate. His car is reliable in the snow. He built his own cottage and is really excited to tell you about the well. He grills. His idea of fun is staring at a fire. He will lecture you about smoking. He hired a stylist because he doesn’t care about clothes. He must know the itinerary ahead of time. He folds his clothes before sex. The white socks stay ON so his bare feet don’t touch the hotel floor.

Look me in my eyes and tell me he wasn’t waiting for Ilya in that airport parking lot at least 3 hours before his expected arrival time. Airport Dad Shane is my truth.

[hutsonwoolyums]

Shane: this is real though, right?

Ilya: fuckfuckfuck don’t come yet christ he feels good oh my god what’d he say oh wait yes yes this is real fuck he’s so beautiful yeah ok fuck gotta move make him feel so good gonna show him I love him love him so much fuck don’t come don’t come don’t come

[gaynehollander]

Ilya on Twitter, so proud, after Shane scores a hat-trick: Did you all see my husband? 😍​😍​😍​

Certified husband guy Ilya Rozanov after someone calls him a cocksucker on the ice: Have you seen my husband? Yes, I suck his cock. So sad for you that you will never get to.

Ilya Rozanov, showing up late to a gala after his husband, Shane Hollander, was away for some commercial shoot and he didn't get to see him before the event, looking genuinely frantic: Have you seen my husband anywhere??

Ilya out for lunch with Shane, when the bill comes along: Oh, my rich hockey player husband will take care of that.

Ilya Rozanov, drunk out of his mind at his husband-mandated night out with Cliff (because he needs the enrichment), not so gently turning down some woman who's blatantly flirting with him: Do you even know who my husband is???

Ilya "Down Atrocious" Hollander-Rozanov when one of Shane's commercials plays at Monk's after a game: Everyone shut up! My husband is on TV!

[crumplelush]

I am firmly of the opinion that on a pretty regular basis women still try to hit on Ilya and he’s absolutely scathing when they do. Completely bitchy to their face, out loud, in front of the entire room.

Disrespecting his marriage, being biphobic, and generally thinking that because he enjoyed casual sex when he was younger that means he’s a whore who will cheat does not endear these women to him. So he not only turns them down he absolutely humiliates them for having the audacity. He’s married to Shane Fucking Hollander. Best hockey player in the world, sexiest man in the NHL, models for big name brands. And you think you’re a better catch than him? You, with your box dyed hair and Forever 21 dress think you’re something special compared to Mr Rolex??! Girl get over yourself.

[gloryhollanovjah]

Drunk Shane can be a bit of a menace. A drink or two is fine, but eventually he'll hit a point where you turn around and he's gone, literally gone because he's going places and he'll happily come trotting back when Ilya calls him, but that's only helpful if he's in earshot, which... can be a challenge.

Drunk Shane when Ilya is ALSO drunk is the BEST. His boyfriend is sooooo funny and soooo fast and strong and smart and brave and they're going on an adventure!!! Ilya doesn't know where but his legs are wrapped around Shane's waist and Shane's arms are wrapped around his legs and the back of Shane's neck smells so good and they're GOING!!!! They're going and going and going because Shane can run forever he's the best hockey player in the whole world and he's Ilya's BOYFRIEND and they're gonna live forever and the stars are out and his mama is watching them and Ilya doesn't even know he's smiling until his cheeks start hurting from it.

(inspired by this post from @pregnanthudsonwilliams) (I've never seen Twilight I'm just having fun)

[omens-of-what-is-to-cum]

Okay justice for Ilya Rozanov, a man who notably managed his entire families finances and his dementia-having fathers caretaking since he was literally a teenager, while also essentially raising himself to be an elite, generational athlete by himself.

like what is this ‘Ilya needs the threat of a sex ban to pick up his socks’ slander or this ‘Ilya has terrible financial literacy’ misinformation or this ‘Ilya only eats junk food and needs to be forced to eat his veggies’ tomfoolery