GEESUS GHRISTPOOP @cryptotoxic-stardust - Tumblr Blog

The way people value money that they DON'T EVEN NEED over the environment that they LITERALLY LIVE IN as if having money means you're impervious to dying from natural disasters or fuckin cancer is absolutely mental to me.

#I know there's more nuance than that but #at the end of the day that is what it is #aznramblings #I literally cannot enjoy a single thing because I'm so aware of how it's all going to go away

You don't know how badly I want the spite to carry me through to the end but I don't want to exist in negativity, stew in negativity, be fueled by negativity, act in negativity. But I have nothing in me so maybe I'll really just amount to nothing in the end.

#aznramblings #idk man #I'm too sensitive for this emotional damage

Lol tfw you're steeped in depression but also hopelessly people pleasing so you lie about how you're doing okay so your friend doesn't feel bad about doing really well rn 🙂

#aznramblings #not like I actually have the words to describe how anything is rn

I just wonder if it's normal for life to feel so empty in between the events and the odd moment of joy and the dreaded moments of suffering. Is it me or is it everyone? Do they all feel guilty for feeling empty? If I can't even do these things in my youth and health, my privileged existence, how will I do any better as it all deteriorates?

#aznramblings #I feel like I'm only around here to whine lol #nowhere else to put it though #catch me cryin periodically cause I've thought about the toh finale again #not much else tho

Tfw you're a mom friend and you get momzoned 💀

#I mean some ppl are into that #unfortunately I am Not #mom friend things

I think it's cute that sloths are literally called "tree lazy"s in chinese（树懒）

#aznramblings #sloths #Chinese

Daily logins/streaks are so interesting to me because they can be the single most effective motivator for someone to continue using an app (especially if you can build up a long one), but the (accidental) breaking of such a streak is the single most effective motivator for someone to never touch the app again.

#aznramblings #apps #the amount of apps I've dropped because of the utter devastation #of losing like a 200-1000 streak oml

Eternally screaming about people that shame people for their trauma responses when they’re the ones who caused the trauma in the first place by shaming them for the opposite thing!!

#aznramblings #it's about a cdrama but also it's a thing #like calling someone dirty all the time and once they develop an obsessive cleaning condition #calling them a clean freak #like fuck off

The scariest thing about not believing in a higher power is the idea that human is what we are, and humans are all we’ll ever be. Not that it’s a bad thing, per se, but the idea that the greatest powers are held within the hands of humans, that we’re always at the mercy of, simultaneously, the best and the worst of mankind? That’s terrifying.

#aznramblings #idk why this was sat in my drafts or if I had more to add #but feeling more and more like the greatest powers are held within the hands of humans that have forgotten what it is to be human #which is still fuckin terrifying

someone get me a marimba so i can either hit it until i’m no longer sad or just become a really good marimba player

#aznramblings #better to be a good marimba player who is sad #than just sad #i miss my marimbae

For years now, I've been of the opinion that you never fully get over a crush. Like you'll learn to move on and the feelings will dull but there will always be at least a little piece of you that still has a crush on them, or even still feels love for them.

Now I think maybe that feeling isn't the part of you that still gets drawn to them, that still loves them, as much as it's the part of you that misses how it felt to have a crush on them, how you swooned at the smallest interaction, how their affection meant the whole world to you - how uncomplicated it all felt in comparison.

#aznramblings #crushes

I think my favourite dumb human aesthetic is the impulse to pet things that'll absolutely murder you

#idk man #don't actually pet em pls #but like I see bears and want to touch #among other animals

Chance after chance to show me and everyone something that'll sway them and you just go the other way. I don't want to lay it out because then that wouldn't be authentic, would it? And I can't tell if I'm peeling away from reality, if it's meant to be normal. I suppose I'm the hypocrite though, can't seem to verbalize my feelings. And I just want somebody to be happy, anybody, to be happy because I really don't know what it is that'll make me happy anymore.

#aznramblings #I guess I'm a little disappointed is all #but if we learn and grow from this it's worth it #my sleep is fucking with me too

Wanna catch up with people but don't wanna be a bother, also don't know what to say beyond how've you been @.@

#man I wish I was interesting to talk to #also been derealizing a lot so that's fun #aznramblings

Last year I basically messaged the entire world to spread holiday cheer. This year I just... don’t have it in me.

#time is moving too fast help #aznramblings

I'm about to be a mom friend that challenges my friends' moms to a fight to the death.

#aznramblings #not really tho #just restless and angerry

Facebook is just such a depressing place to be. It’s not even that it’s a competition, I want to be happy for everyone, but it feels like everyone’s moving forward and I keep running into closed doors and impenetrable walls. I see them connecting with the world, connecting with others, connecting with themselves and I feel like I’m on a distant island, unreachable. I want their energy to be infectious but I’m worried about being a bore, a stranger that hasn’t popped up in years. I miss those relationships but it feels like everyone’s moved on. I don’t know what’s a real desire for connection and what’s plain nostalgia.

#I just always wanted a childhood best friend through it all #but everyone has new best friends that have been through so much more with them #I suppose I do too but I don't blast it on social media like that #aznramblings

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GEESUS GHRISTPOOP