(Note: I decided to reupload the video due to the original one receiving some abnormal analytics. Please let your heartbeat do it again.)
Thank you to @moralem for their incredible artwork! Read on for the latest announcement!
FROM THE DESK OF THE BUCKETHEADLAND PUBLIC RELATIONS OFFICE
Dieter Meier, President of PR
8/03/25 (reissued 8/07/25)
Over the past few months, we listened to your queries and complaints concerning the Bucketheadland Express railroad system. They were presented before the big B himself… His right-hand man Herbie assured us that some of your suggestions would be considered, but who knows what truly lurks beneath that bucket. We couldn't get him to budge on all the shrunken head decorations in the windows (typical), but as a compromise he ratified the Transport Society's purchase of a new steam train to improve throughput and bolster the fleet. According to the wizened old bloke who sold this excellent Britannia Pacific to us, it is the sole remaining engine from the first successful railway service in the region. Only the best of the best get the chance to showcase such a significant machine, so I have confidence that our two choices are the perfect match.
"Scatman" John a.k.a. SCAT CONTROLLER
There is no person on this planet more qualified to engineer our new locomotive. The Scatman worked with this specific engine class a lot in his younger days, and his extensive experience will be essential as we bring this example of railroad history back on the line. The Scat Controller operates with zealous efficiency, and his confident speaking tone has earned him his name. If the rumors are true, he might even be a train whisperer! One witness heard "these intense vocalizations, corresponding with a sudden burst of purposeful power and spontaneous speed", but I thought there had to be more to the story. During his interview, we tried asking John how it happened, and he responded "if the Scatman can do it, so can you"…which only raises further questions! I'll keep mine a secret if this means we can overcome our numerous chicken-related delays…
Captain Jack a.k.a. DRILL CONDUCTOR
Our resident Drill Conductor travels throughout the passenger areas, keeping the peace on track. Captain Jack carried out two tours in the Army before getting involved in railway operations, so he doesn't have a high tolerance meter for chaos or stupidity. Take your assigned seat, wait, and present your ticket to the Drill Conductor. Don't try and hide from him, don't give him anything counterfeit, and especially don't try and bribe him with a copy of Dance Dance Revolution for a console (He already has every game in the series). If you dare to disrupt the Captain's core tenets of peace and love, he'll have you undergo one out of as many as six different drill routines he retains from his time in the service. Jack's a jolly fellow when everything's running smoothly, but I know he's ready to confront any disorderly situation. He still remembers your choice, Todd.
Everyone will receive a chance to meet Bucketheadland's newest track team on the upcoming "Night of the Slunk", when they'll take our new locomotive on its first voyage through multiple lines in the park. Their good friends Liza, JeLana & Marion will be in one of the passenger cars, handing out their renowned "Jackaccino" drinks. Although the Bucketbot source code prevents you all from recognizing it as a legitimate transport option, we still anticipate a high turnout in the name of pure fun. Come together, friends! We gotta take a ride on the night train, and let our heartbeat do it again!
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