never in a second life would he have thought to click oh so well with a mortal . to listen to his words— pained and almost breathless— was almost like hearing his own missteps , only from the mouth of another . with g’raha , elidibus shared profound feelings raging from within his chest ; a connection that he felt pulled into the longer he stood by his side . it tasted bitter , and it was because the miqo’te shared his sorrows in ways that elidibus read them his own .
oh zodiark , he could only wish his missteps were as little as g’raha’s …
but this was not a competition .
❝ to dwell on the past is the biggest mistake you could do to your soul , g’raha … ❞ the former emissary uttered , almost in a whisper . the dim light in the room sufficed to reveal a weak smile on his face . it was faint , perhaps forced too , but it was there regardless . ❝ to keep your hatred , grief , sorrow inside you will not bring back those you lost , nor will it fix your mistakes . ❞ trust him , he knew a thing or two about it .
just like him , elidibus didn’t feel like he deserved to be here , yet at the same time he was grateful for it . but the fact that g’raha felt the same way , it made elidibus feel like he could connect with at least someone , because , so far , the familiar faces ( whose life got a little bit more difficult because of him ) didn’t seem to want him around ( or was it just his own anxiety scribbling nonsense in his mind ? ) ; those smiles did not look genuine at all . meanwhile , g’raha’s emotions were .
❝ it may not help at all , but … i think … i think you fit really well here . as if you know it’s where your heart is . you say that you do not deserve to be here , yet here is where you belong . ❞ now tilting his head to the side , the youth regarded the miqo’te with an invisible question mark above his head . ❝ does that make sense ? ❞
It was a kindly attempt and though it did not make the guilt go away, it at least calmed him. His fraying nerves were soothed by the others gentle counsel because he knew he was right. Even if he wished he could go back and do better; even if he felt that he was a failure dwelling on it would do nothing to aid his friends, nor help him look to the future. He reaches up, wiping the tears from his eyes very carefully and then forcing himself to relax with a deep breath. He takes a moment to compose himself, burying all the anguish back inside him. He probably should process it more but he just can’t bring himself to right now. It’s possible that the only true cure is the kind words from those fellows he thinks himself unworthy. Even so, he knows Elidibus must share in some of his feelings and he can’t help but think himself selfish for pouring that out to the other. The words had just come tumbling out unbidden and now he feels a bit foolish. “It makes sense...” he says softly at last, catching the others gaze. And oh how heavy the years weigh in both their eyes.
“Maybe I can’t see what you do but you are right about one thing...I can’t be stuck in the past. Everyone here is looking to the now and the future. I suppose I admire that...being able to move forward in spite of everything they’ve been through. I can’t imagine how heavy their pasts must feel but they don’t let it stop them...they always take that step forward.” And he truly admired that more than he could ever fully say. His gaze turns thoughtful and he reaches out, putting a hand on the others shoulders. “You did what you thought was right.” he starts softly. “No one can fault you for that. You did it for the people you love, just like we fight for the people we love.” It was a gamble, but he thought he saw some of the seam guilt echoed in the others eyes, though it was likely just a little different than his own. The truth was, however, that they’d both done things they regretted in the name of what was right. If nothing else they could both relate to that.
