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21 days of looking at the moon

day 2

today i read this article on girl dinners - a recent trend on social media. interesting read on how it can be a defense mechanism under late capitalism.

21 days of looking at the moon

day 1:

today i watch this small clip of a documentary titled examined life. the snippet is a cut of two activists, one of whom is judith butler, taking a walk in san francisco. one on foot, one in a wheelchair. they talked about bodies, what it means to be a human and a nonhuman, how gender meets disability at the way we walk and how asking for assistance while buying a coffee is a political act of resistance.

there are things i have been aware. for example, the difference between impairment and disability. disability is the disabling effect of impairment and its socialization. or the fact that we too often forget that we are humans because of our interdependency and in fact, we need to depend on one another to survive and meet our basic needs.

what is quite astonishing is the fact that one simple act of walking can reveal so much about how we define a human. so many come into question. is it normal looking? is it too feminine or too masculine? so many assumptions can be made from the way one walks and from there comes the associations and prejudices.

#day 1 #social justice

no one asks for anything but here it is anyways

🐰- do you believe in soul mates?

i do not believe in soul mates but i believe in moments when people connect and are present within each other's presence.

💌- diary or journal?

what is the difference really? all words and retelling for me.

✨- which fictional character (book, show, or movie) do you relate to most?

i am not sure as i don't relate to people anymore. i relate to ideas, experiences, songs, poems and video titles. i am cautious to relate to a whole being.

💕- are you crushing on someone?

i always am!

💋- kissing in the dark or kissing in the rain?

in the dark i guess? let's not get sick.

🐝- describe your aesthetic in emojis

💜✨👒🌾🐾

🍼- what is your favorite memory?

summer nights when i was really young. i would watch the moon to see if she was following me, ride bikes with kids and run through streets to get home.

🌸- what is your favorite flower?

i do not have one. all of them are lovely.

💖- have you ever been in love?

i have always been in love.

🍰- strawberry or vanilla?

strawberry!

🍯- describe your favorite smell

trees

🎂- if you had 3 wishes, what would they be?

one, i won't have to live on medication. two, i believe that i am loved. three, hugs and kisses.

🍪- cookie dough or cookies?

cookies.

☕- coffee or tea?

tea.

🍃- would you rather live in a sea with mermaids or a forest with fairies?

i can't swim so yeah.

🍂- what’s your middle name?

💫- what is your sun, moon, and rising sign?

aries, virgo and sagittarius

🌧️- favorite thing to do on rainy days?

nap.

🍭- how tall are you?

five foot six or seven

💒- which show would you want to live in?

parks & recreation!

🎄- what is your favorite holiday?

when i have a day off.

🍦- what scented candle is your favorite?

i do not have one.

🎶- favorite song right now?

ptt - loona!

💘- 3 ways to win your heart?

send me cat pics, be funny, and well be a softie that you are.

🍩- current mood?

just done.

❄️- what is your favorite season?

winter or summer.

💍- your current relationship status?

very very single

📷- a photo of yourself

;)

💅🏻- do you like being spoiled?

sometimes. my idea of being spoiled is just being given a lot all at once.

🕊️- 3 habits you have?

will think about you but will not text back, have a lot of ideas but fail to follow through, will not sleep before 2 am

🦄- how do you perceive yourself?

always trying my best, lowkey hating myself, a horrible friend...

🦋- how do you think others perceive you?

too much to handle, reliable, odd

🌈- things I find attractive in girls/guys

intelligence that's so sexy, kindness and probably short hair.

🍓- one secret about yourself

i pick my nose every day

🍒- how do you act when you have a crush?

look at their social media way too much

💔- the reason behind your last breakup?

no future/we had different expectations

💬- what your last text message says?

its a meme

🎥- what show are you currently binging on?

the bold type

⛅- what is your morning routine?

wake up > zoom > sleep

💗- who do you miss?

**** **

🥀- last time you cried?

maybe last week

🎁- when is your birthday?

it IS an open secret

🔪- scariest/creepiest experience?

having to speak up in front of a crowd of 10...

💤- date someone younger, older, or same age as you?

preferably older but same is fine as well

100 days of looking at the moon

day 4:

today i didn’t read any articles. i only read a book and most of the time, i slept.

today is a [rest] day.

100 days of looking at the moon

day 3:

today i read articles on auschwitz/holocaust as a metaphor. i am not going to lie; i struggled at first. to understand why it could not be compared to other disastrous events.

we find it common that a certain horrifying event is compared to auschwitz. i, myself, have probably done so before. another common thing is people saying nothing can be compared to the atrocity of auschwitz. i also believed in this before. to me, auschwitz was an event that stood at the bottom of humanity and only a few things could be on the same level.

however, today, i have realized i was wrong.

auschwitz should not be used as a metaphor because human sufferings should not be compared.

auschwitz should not be used as a metaphor because those who died at auschwitz deserve to be remembered as individuals, as human beings, not as political devices. their existence stands within the context and should not only matter in comparison with other people or as merely a metaphor (which is, in a way, a method).

i am thinking about museums, particularly holocaust museums. in these museums, there are personal belongings that we took away to put on a display. is that similar to metaphorizing auschwitz? the victims did not have a say in this and we are, once again, seeing them not as human beings (if we agree choice is essential to what makes a human).

one quote i like from the article i linked above: “The Auschwitz exhibition does everything right, and fixes nothing.“ it makes me think about a lot of things that were done to educate us (in one way, the outsiders) but does it do anything for the suffering and the sacrifices?

maybe, the only way to remember it is to remember them as individual human beings.

music recommendations:

gymnopédie no.1

100 days of looking at the moon

day 2:

today i read a book by a french writer. it talks about how moving on is easy and forgetting is tempting but we must deal with the aftermath of our wrongdoings. it is in the context of humanitarian crises. i think it can speak for other events as well.

i still remember a writer i talked to a couple of years ago said she found a sense of “generational trauma” when she visited vietnam. we do not talk about it but we know it is a thing and it is there. we either brush it off or reinforce certain unhealthy ideas. we always talk about moving on and how it has been a long time and people should forget about it at this point. but, pain is always valid and time sometimes cannot heal everything. at least, wounds cannot heal on their own in a passive sense.

something needs to be done before all the people are dead and pains become impossible to understand/relate to. dead people cannot speak or apologize or open up a conversation. the gap between generations remains open.

similarly, remembering must be a part of healing and moving on. it cannot be a separate entity.

song recommendations:

comatose - low hum

moon - kid francescoli

#100-days

100 days of looking at the moon

day 1:

today i read an article on why women love witchcraft and found it quite interesting! when i was younger, i was super into witchcraft because of its mystique and radical/overt femininity - everything about it seemed oddly empowering. today i know why!

it explained how i was fascinated by witchcraft as a way to deal with the reality that i often felt voiceless and powerless in a society where my identities were often oppressed. it empowered me by making me believe that, in an alternate world, things would turn out differently and i would be in full control of all things that came to me.

it also played into my obsession with being mysterious - a way to cope with the overwhelming feeling that i always felt exposed and naked wherever i went. i dreamed of my own castle where no one could be let in.

conclusion: after all, when we all turn to spirituality, in whatever forms, it is a sign that the external world is in deep shit.

song recommendations:

softly - clairo

cop car - mitski

#100-days