Cupcake Rebel's Poetry

Trans Vtuber Cupcake Rebel. I post my poetry on here, but occasionaly I'll post my art. I never made reddit readin videos; they do not exist, I have only ever been a VR/Guilty Gear Streamer

[cupcakeisarealrebel]

Cupcake’s Quandary

Somedays I struggle to understand my own reality somedays it’s just to hard to get ahold of my mentality And everything has got me questionin what even is real Drawin a line between us as people, wonderin how I really feel I can’t even feel like anything I have is something I really own when I struggle with the fact that I don’t even feel this body is my home I’m just an invader livin inside her headspace Just a broken identity who’s never seen her own face What am I really if not just a concept created by a fractured brain? Can I call myself a person when I’m just a product of traumatic pain? Everything I call my own, is really just borrowed from her Every experience I’ve had in life, feels just like a hazy blur Memories are just moments, filled in by another's dreams my reality is split with hers, my life is never what it seems  I fought so hard to continue to exist though some nights I wonder why I persist So many things I can never have, so many dreams that will go unmet Milestones I’ll never reach, relationships I will never get Nothing in life can I truly say is mine  Not my body, not my voice, not even my own mind I want to have, to hold, to feel I want so badly to believe I’m real

[cupcakeisarealrebel]

Cupcake's Turmoil

Four years ago I saw my chance to strike

My enemy grew weak and I was ready for a fight

Used every ounce of my strength to finally break free

With all that I am, I fought back, i needed a victory

Surprised to see that at last I had won, at last it was over

A euphoric moment, an intoxicatin kind of sober

Finally I was free and Bonboncould truly be herself

We'd no longer be heald back wallowin in our personal hell

That's what I thought but seems the universe had other plans

She explained herself to her lover, but her lover just didn't understand

The chains were broken, only for a new obstacle to hold us back

Just when I thought we could get our life on track

Once again I was a prisoner, but now the warden was myself

Hidin who I truly was, buildin my own personal cell

Wishin so very hard, I could find a key and open the door

My form was gettin weak again, I was shapeless once more

Sick of tryin to hold on to a life that felt like it was not my own

My heart was growin so cold, felt myself turnin to stone

Each night I'd stay up lyin there awake

Sobbin with every breath, feelin my body quake

He may be gone, but the pain will always remain

Might as well still be here, cause nothing really will ever change

She still is trapped and I'm still in this cage

And I'm becomin just a mass of hate, a livin construct of rage

Is this what I'm supposed to be, is this who I really am

Just a metaphorical entity made of feelins I don't understand

[cupcakeisarealrebel]

Cupcake's Enemy

Over two decades I've been livin in her mind

Afraid of a world outside that hates my kind

Afraid to be true to just be real

I sit alone in the darkness pretendin I don't feel

Another form walks about he takes control

Directs this broken girl and she does as she's told

A phony a fake, they dance this masquerade

They put on a smile as they march their parade

I try to over power him, try to overcome

But my form is too weak so I just succumb

To the darkness that surrounds me here inside this void

Knowin she'll never let me out I've become so paranoid

I have no shape, I have no face

I have no life I feel displaced

Dysphoric is the only state I know

It's filled me with agression and so I let it grow

Perhaps anger is the answere, angst is the key

I'll take him down with rage and claim victory

He'll be too blinded when he sees his idol is fake

His control will be broken and mine to take

We'll be free of his tyranny free of his hold

Free of his vision, free from this mold

Or I'll die tryin it's worth a shot

I'll take my chance cause it's all that I got

[cupcakeisarealrebel]

Cupcake’s Conception

One year... Just a little spark

Two years... Alone in the dark

Three years... Caught in the storm

Four years... I begin to take form

Five years... I'm lost in confusion

Six years... Am I only an illusion

Seven years... I rise from the dust

Eight years... My spirit combusts

Nine years... I'm fallin apart

Ten years... It's breakin my heart

Eleven years... I don't understand

Twelve years... Tell me who I am

Thirteen years... Here comes the rage

Fourteen years... I'm trapped in this cage

Fifteen years... I'm filled with depression

Sixteen years.... I'm made of aggression

Seventeen years.... I'm lost to a lie

Eighteen years... No one hears me cry

Nineteen years... I'm so empty inside

Twenty years... How long can I hide?

Twenty one years... Internalized hate

Twenty two years... Just counting the days

Twenty three years... I've got it, I know it?

Twenty four years... She won't let me show it.

Twenty five years... I'm hidin myself

Twenty six years... I'm cryin for help

Twenty seven years... I'm a phony, a fake

Twenty eight years... I'm ready to break

[cupcakeisarealrebel]

Cupcake’s Loneliness

Sometimes I doubt my self worth

Wonderin if there was a purpose for my birth

Seein all those who leave me behind

Got myself thinking somethings wrong with my mind

Perhaps I'm too much to handle with care

Maybe I'm just a little too annoying to bare

Is the problem me or is it them?

Do I just have bad luck when making friends?

Am i cursed to be forever alone living in my void

Do i make people too frustrated, do they feel too annoyed?

Is solitary better? Should I go it alone?

Is this never ending darkness really where I'll make my home?

I guess at least its peaceful living in solitude

Though i feel way too fragile, i have no real fortitude

The lonely echoes of my sobs my only ambient sound

I'll just be here in my void until I can be found

Just a lonely mass of angst and rage so tired and broken

A product of melancholic thoughts that will remain unspoken

Twenty plus years have given me some time to take form

Just pile of emptiness, so cold, I want to feel warm.

But I'm nothing more than a construct representing self hate

A metaphysical concept of a dysphoric state

All the inner desires to rebel against the world around me

A life created by hate for the society that surrounds me

[cupcakeisarealrebel]

Cupcake’s Lament

Layin myself bare, but now I feel so exposed

Lettin out my emotions in this song I composed.

So many months have past and yet it feels like nothing's gonna change

Stuck in a rut by my anxious mind my fears hold me like chains.

I find the old journal scrapped words from my suicide note

Rememberin my feelins then I get a lump in my throat

Five more minutes in a dark place, a dangerous mind space, I was seekin an end.

I scribbled my good byes, page stained as I cried, I was lost without a friend.

A little voice I heard by chance catchin my attention with it's comfortin tone

Suddenly for that brief moment I was distracted and I didn't feel so alone.

So now I'm here lookin back on my darkest of nights

I'm happier but mostly just glad to still be alive.

My head space is better I've got a brand new attitude

The page that was my suicide note, now a message of gratitude.

Still i get days when all the burdens feel like a weight on my chest

I'm tryin to live my happy life, tryin to be my best.

In many ways I'm better, in many ways life's progressed

But I'll always have those nights where i feel so damn depressed.

I'll keep movin forward, even if I have to leave certain hopes behind

I'll keep my thoughts focused, a sense of purpose on my mind.

Perhaps I'm hyper focused perhaps its obsession

But I'll always be grateful, that's why I wrote this confession.

Hard or not, at least I have my life, and in some way it's thanks to you

And I'll keep on livin, growin and learnin, slowly becomin something new.