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Brittany Simonās Statement About BegForJay
My name is Brittany Simon.
Iām a BDSM educator, youtuber, and content creator.
This statement is in regards to abuse in the BDSM community. I realize this is a vanilla (meaning, non-kink/bdsm space), however, since the abuser known as āBegForJayā is growing on youtube and instagram (as Iām posting this, his main account has been banned for violation of TOS, his second account is still up).
Iām aware that some of the terms thatāll be used in this video might be confusing for people outside of BDSM culture, please feel free to ask me questions.
I also have a bdsm playlist for those interested in learning more, in depth, about the lifestyle.
Please remember: BDSM is a lifestyle and culture. It has a community, tradition, ritual and rules, handed down from generation to generation. We create these rules to make sure everyone participating is safe, sane and has informed consent.
We want everyone to be safe in this lifestyle. Please remember BDSM is ONLY for legal adults. BDSM is NOT about sex. This is about the law of the country you are living in. In the states bdsm can be considered torture or assault without contracts, negotiation and clear informed consent.
So, please, no matter how many self proclaimed doms on the internet you slid into your DMās, if you are a minor, you cannot participate, even at home. Allow yourself a chance to learn and join when you legally are allowed. This protects you and YOUR future friends in the community. Please do right by this community by waiting.
On February 22nd I reached out to Jay (also known as Beg4Jay, BegForJay, and Justin) on twitter because a viewer had asked me about Jay and whether or not he was safe.
Jay and I had lunch together.
It didnāt go as well because I was sick and had to leave. He is without a doubt a handsome person. I had assumed he was much older and came to find out he was in his early twenties. I believe he said 23 but I could be off a year.
He met me again, in his home for a collab on sadism and bdsm.
He was nothing but kind towards me.
Though he was kind, he is not a warm person. His home is cold, his style is cold, straight out of a modern tale. It felt to me like a kid playing house. Which doesnāt tell me much, but it made me wonder if kept his house like this for a reason. Style? Or a message? It obviously put me on edge.
I wouldnāt call it a home but rather, a stage.
When he told me he was a father, I had to assume his daughter had a more kid friendly space in one of the bedroom. I never saw his bedroom, the play room or the other third room in his house. I saw the rest, the house, kitchen and bathroom.
Before we filmed, his former Sub at the time, Lo, also known as Milkwebs (disclaimer: we are friends and sheās one of the victims interviewed). We all chatted on facetime (or some face sharing app) and after the call ended, we proceeded to film.
We filmed a video (that is no longer on my channel) and it went well. There were no issues.
During the video I asked him āWhat does sadismā mean for you?
And he gave the response: Summary: āSadism is them hurting for you, rather than you hurting them.ā
Which I later learned was actually his former Sub Loās response to this question. He took it and made it his response. Proof of these recording are featured in the video.
During the same interview, Jay and I spoke about about compatibility. I brought it up. My reasoning was that many people assume just because people are into bdsm and the same kinks, that it must mean weāre compatible. We had a great conversation about it. That night, Jay recorded a video and posted it on the same topic. Not giving credit, not evening mentioning that I brought up the same subject in our video.
Jay has this habit with many people he works with. He takes ideas that arenāt is and passes it off like he knows. He does not know. He has no original thought, no understanding of bdsm.
Instructors need to KNOW their subject matter before speaking about it.
It became apparent as I continued to know him that he isnāt in this lifestyle for personal joy and growth but a deep need to be seen.
In this lifestyle we have our exhibitionists, which is a valid form of self expression (and kink), but than we have the people who need to be loved, and followed. People who want to be praised and fed that theyāre amazing.
I interviewed, separately, over a dozen women and one man, who worked with Jay. He is someone who needs validation over the safety of his partners and models. He is someone who wants credit for ideas and work that is not of his creation. He is not interested in forming communities, but dragging victims down.
(These examples can be found in the video.)
When I first heard these stories about Jay and I pressured him about them, I did not have all the info I needed to distrust Jay, as far as a content creator. Now, I know better. I know better because Iāve spoken to other people, have evidence (can be seen in the video).
The pattern I found next were his partners. He chooses women who canāt come out without extreme backlash. They are either poor, not out to the public, or young enough to have little to no emotional or legal understanding of themselves or their choices. They are strong in their own ways, but not in regards to BDSM. They arenāt even old enough to know better. All these women were under twenty-six.
I made a mistake of working with Jay and Iām here as a content creator and bdsm educator to make my statement public and clear.
Beg For Jay is a danger to our community and the lives of women.
He has been calculated with his moves. Making sure to use guilt and manipulation to trick even someone like me, with years of experience and knowledge.
After speaking with him, I know that he has no former mentorship, education or understanding how to choke, hit, flog or treat his play partners.
If you are currently playing with Jay, please consider my message. I am here to help. REACH OUT on tumblr DMās if you need support.
There are predators in BDSM Ā who will use āconsent languageā to seem honest and knowledgeable, please vet your partners.
Ask for health, Ā injury status & STIās
Ask for references, former and current play partners.
Please do not allow some cute man on the internet hurt you.
Please do not meet up for play with people you donāt know.
Before I met with Jay, I gave his address to my sister, made sure I had a safety call in place. If he had tried anything and if I missed my call, she would have called me and then the cops.
These steps might not be taught to vanilla culture, but it should. No one is safe and we take steps in our lives to make sure the people we love arenāt monsters but sometimes we make mistakes.
Please, allow out stories to be your education, to save yourself from living with our nightmares, pain and mental health scars.
When I did my initial interviews with the women and men who had been associated with him, I was missing the key to knowing if he was truly a monster. I knew he was arrogant and not as educated and I wouldnāt let him hit me with a ten foot pole, but I wasnāt sure.
I became sure when I heard the recordings the women had of him.
I became sure when I saw on his snapchat that he was asking his viewers for nude and adult videos. And when I brought up to him how this is unethical, as a content creator AND because he has minors who follow him, and he would not be able to verify age.
He didnāt argue, didnāt fight me, didnāt do anything to make clear it was WRONG what he did. He claimed it was a joke. Which tells me HE DOES NOT understand why it was wrong (proof on video).
As I look back, I realized he says the right things but doesnāt know why we do them.
BDSM is centuries old. It holds traditions all over the world. We have a language, a community, a structure for a reason. When traditions in the scene change, we have to be careful and smart about those changes, which means we have to know why theyāre there in the first place.
BDSM is a lifestyle for many of us, not just a kinky passtime. We are seen as outsiders of the world. We fight legal and social battles everyday.
We need to be vigilant about predators.
In the scene, you can be banned for many reasons, but being unsafe is number one. I donāt care if you tie a knot that is amazing to look at, if itās dangerous, itās unsafe. You will be told itās unsafe by people who are more educated and if you fight, or put people in danger, we will ban you.
We are not just here to fulfill your fantasies.
BDSM should make your life better, safer, happier and it should get you a much needed education on INFORMED consent.
BDSM checklists (going over different kinks, even before you play for the first time. This allows us to have an idea of your health status, your limits, as far as you know, the things that sound interesting, and the things that are HARD LIMITS (like cutting off your fingers one by one, which should be everyoneās hard limit).
Asking for references: Get the names and contacts of current and past play partners. Ask the play partners for safety, listening and paying attention skills. Ask for skill sets with implements, and knowing their limits with physical contact, like punching, kicking, spanking. DO NOT DO BREATH play with a new partner. Breath play is literally some of the most extreme play. People die, easily. Most dungeons donāt even allow it. PLEASE do not do this casually.
If you ever DONT want to do something in a scene, say IT. Negotiate. Safe word. BDSMers would rather have you cancel a scene, or āREDā out before continuing a scene without want or desire.
As time went on, I realized I couldnāt ignore Jay. He was growing in numbers and his victims were too. He was moving out of state. Abusing women not only in his own state, but outside of it. That womanās name is Madison and sheās going to share her statement as well (herās is below, also featured in the video).
There was a nineteen year old woman who knew him for two WEEKS before he collard her and BEAT HER BLOODY AND BLUE.
Please hear me, this is not a joke. Jay is dangerous.
The women and I came together and decided it was time to make a statement.
So, here we are, with proof and our names on the line.
From Madison, about her time with BegForJay
When I first met jay it wasnāt what I expected. I think I came into it believing heād be a dominant in every aspect, including when we werenāt shooting. I was pleasantly surprised. We had great conversation and laughed and talked about our children. Then we started the shoot. Things went amazing.
I had never had someone check on me so many times. I felt safe. We did Little space together. I had never done little space with another person before. He fed me juice and snacks. When the camera was turned off, he held me. Cuddled me. Pet me. We turned on a cartoon and he snuggled me on the couch for ages. I felt so good.
I left at probably 3 or 4 am. I thought I had just left the safest place and person I had ever been and met. The next day I told him that I knew that I was new at all this, but I felt something when we were together. I asked him if that was me being naive or if it was mutual. I didnāt want to be inappropriate if it was just part of the business.
He told me that I had a boyfriend so we couldnāt go anywhere with it of course, but that it was definitely mutual. He felt a connection too. We continued to chat and flirt. When I came home, with several contributing factors unrelated to jay, I was ready to end my relationship. I started making moves to prepare myself for that.
In the meantime I had made a joke to jay that now that he worked with me, there would be a lot of girls from my area that would try and shoot with him. That when I tend to work with someone or work with a companyā¦a lot of other models in my area do as well. When he booked his flight to my city he told me it was to work with models hereā¦but it was also to see me. We continued to flirt nearly every day.
He was always busy so it was here and there versus long drawn out conversations, but it was always mutual. I made sure to never once call him daddy. I called him sir once. I never once let on that I believed we would be in a relationship or that I was in love or that I believed he was my dom. But I did make it clear I liked him and was attracted to him and looked forward to seeing him again.
We never exchanged nude photos. Simply flirtatious texts. About a week prior to him coming I told my boyfriend I was done. My relationship ended, and I told jay that it had finally happened. He seemed incredibly surprised. That was when he started to act differently. Texted back less frequently and less flirty. It was almost like he preferred me with a boyfriend than without. We had discussed plans on seeing each other so I kept trying to find out the date he wanted to do that.
I would text once a day, explaining that with modeling I schedule shoots two weeks in advance sometimes and that I needed to know when he wanted to spend time together so I would make sure I was free. He wouldnāt answer. Finally two days before his trip he gave me an answer. I believe it was for Wednesday? I canāt remember. After weeks of texting and flirting, I got a cold and calloused answer regarding what date and time he was available. Something didnāt seem right but I didnāt press because I assumed he was busy.
That night scrolling through Twitter I saw him tweeting flirting with another model in my area. Talking about how he loves how open she was and how that excited him. This particular model and I didnāt like each other. I suddenly felt like she had something to do with his change of tone. I got petty. I subtweeted about her. It set the stage for everything that happened afterward. The next day was when he was coming.
I waited and waited for a text. I had massive anxiety something was wrong and I didnāt understand why I wasnāt hearing from him. I had a sitter set up for the day and everything, I was just waiting on a text. It never came.
I cried that night because I had gotten myself so excited to see him. I hadnāt been in Little space again and was so ready to have that again. I had to sit and watch Instagram posts and Snapchat stories of him in my city without a word to me. I was hurt. The next day, I tweeted a comic of a ghost that said Mr. Iām too busy. I said I hope you have fun in my city asshole. I was angry and hurt. It was vague but it wasnāt the most mature thing I will admit. Within a few hours a woman I didnāt know tweeted me.
Told me that āher boyfriendā really WAS busy and that I wasnāt scheduled to shoot with him anyways. I privately messaged her to tell her what had actually happened. I was under the assumption she was just one of his subs so I told her everything. She was surprised. Started asking for screenshots of absolutely everything.
Asking if I could prove anything I was saying and if there was a way I could show her the person I was texting was truly from his number. I explained that aside from a few screenshots I had sent my best friend of his behavior changing, I had deleted our texts because I kept checking to see if heād read them. I told her it was unhealthy for me so I had removed them from my sight. She thanked me and I apologized profusely as he had told me and his social media all said that he was single.
She told me she would deal with him and not to worry about it. That night my friend Andrea has a shoot with him. She has even asked in the past whether I could attend the shoot. He had said yes. He called her after I talked to his girlfriend.
He told Andrea he was cancelling her shoot and that it was because of me. He told her that I was inappropriate with him sexually, begging him to be my daddy, and harassing him. She believed every word. She came to me furious.
How dare I interfere with her shoot and her career. How dare I be so naive and not realize that he only wanted a professional relationship and that I should have known. I was shocked and angry that he would tell her this. This is when I found out she wasnāt the only person he told that to. I started being told about posts that were being made about me by several Seattle area models.
About how I sexually harassed a photographer. That I was inappropriate and obsessed. That I wouldnāt take no for an answer. That I deserve to be outed for my behavior. Suddenly something that hurt my feelings turned into something that severely impacted my career. I started to receive hate messages. Photographers unfriended me. I started losing a lot more than just my confidence.
I started trying to speak up about it as much as I could- trying to state that I wouldnāt explain specifics but that people were spreading false information about me and not to believe it. Thatās when Jay went to his Snapchat and spun a long story for his followers that ārecently a model attached herself to him and was wildly inappropriate and was led to believe that she would be his little and be a big part of his life and wouldnāt leave him alone so he HAD to ghost herā.
I couldnāt take it anymore so I texted him again. Explaining that he and I both know how things went down and that it is not how he is telling it. He scoffed at me, tried to say this and that about how he was right and Iām crazy. He gaslit me and I wasnāt having it. But unfortunately the damage had already been done.
My career was in the middle of a pitfall. I was waking up every day to new hate mail and new problems. I began to spin out of control. My BPD got the best of me and I became suicidal. I was considering quitting modeling just as frequently as I was considering taking my own life. I had been harassed before.
But never by so many people. And never having an actual impact on my future and my career. I was not doing well. Around this time is when I started receiving messages from other women he had worked with. A handful of anonymous support from women who had been dished far worse from him. Horrific things that I had never guessed he was capable of. I started digging. Doing research.
After weeks of personally speaking to dozens of women, I realized that despite the story he told me of the one crazy girl who said he was bad because she was scorned by himā¦. there were enough stories that matched up for it to be at least halfway true. Thatās when I found Brittany. Nowā¦my boyfriend and I ended up getting back together for a handful of person reasons and for he benefit of my daughter.
That is why I never came forward with the truth. But from what I can tellā¦thatās what jay wants. Women who have things to lose by telling their story.
But Justin Torres is just a man. And I even though my story is incredibly tame in comparison to the things he did to othersā¦itās time for me to talk about it. I hope that that man never gets to hurt another woman again. Not like me. Not like any of the other girls heās hurt even worse. I never want to see another girl beg for jay again.
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