daily calico

welcome to my diary! thoughts, life, likes, wants and growth

[andallshallbewell]

[petaltexturedskies]

Leigh Hunt, Songs and Chorus of the Flowers

[cvlicodiary]

it's now friday. it was a good week, tried new things and am closing some others.

sometime this week i had my last full therapy session and it's such a weird thing to think about... around fourteen months ago I started this journey and it's amazing to see how far i have become. i'm still learning and still improving but i'm also more graceful to myself, more understanding and less harsh. it has been a year of ups and downs, with challenges and wins that i am still learning from and also proud of.

I don't think therapy of being discharged means i'm perfectly okay but that i have the tools to navigate life at an easier flow or at least a more loving one. i definitely don't get stuck in anxiety loops as much as i did and i don't ruminate as much, intrusive thoughts aren't as debilitating as they were and of course not as long lasting. i can now express my emotions, even if it's just to myself, much better now and can validate myself without comparing or qualifying myself as "not normal" and since i'm more aware of myself, my needs and limits, i'm better at removing myself from spaces i don't feel good in and doing things, or not, putting my comfort first. yet it's weird to think about, just feel like i've come such a long way since.

am i ready to stop having these scheduled sessions, even if they were bi monthly? I'm not sure, I still have a lot to think about and i think it's valid to want to continue but also i feel it's a good time to learn to not attach and not because it's bad but because I also want to navigate these things on my own, knowing i can always reach out if I need to.

besides that, i started weight training and today my arms are super sore... tomorrow i'm trying to do legs and it's still a bit intimidating, i'm glad i have someone to go with because it's honestly still hard to do but i'm excited about improving life.

i have also been recording more, i still forget about it but since i've made the decision in my head to do for myself it kinda feels easier.

it's now starting to be a low energy night so i'll leave it here for now.

xx

[midnightinshadow]

[unsubconscious]

Brent Cotton Before the Thunder Speaks, 2026 Oil on canvas, 91 x 121cm

[academic-vampire]

𝔡𝔶𝔦𝔫𝔤 𝔦𝔫𝔱𝔬 𝔩𝔦𝔣𝔢

[ariaiscursed]

- in for the night

[gothredy]

[academic-vampire]

𝔤𝔯𝔢𝔶 & 𝔤𝔯𝔢𝔢𝔫

[ed-recovery-affirmations]

You have so much more purpose in life than trying endlessly to offer the world a thin body.

[unsubconscious]

Elena Wuest (German, b. 1977) ‘Beyond’, 2025 Oil on canvas, 80 x 60cm

[mermaidenmystic]

Thank you so much @pocketfullofpoesies! 🩷

[thestandrewknot]

Théâtre de la Monnaie, Brussels (by nomaderaleur).

[cvlicodiary]

days pass so easily. i didn't even notice it had been five days since my last entry, so i'm going to sum everything up into this one with hopes i get to be more consistent and also i'm adding dates too to keep track of it all...

all in all it was great 5 days since june 4th (last entry). On the fifth i had to work but only minimally since i prepared and had closed off the day. I got my new airpods and that was such an upgrade. I had the first gen airpods since 2019 and i remember it very clearly because i had lost one bud and had to buy new ones and so after seven years or so i really needed/wanted new ones because i really appreciate the ANC option and having a long lasting batery since the old ones lasted me like 30min or so and during meetings i would often need to change from bud to bud. I was avoiding spending big bucks on them and had previously gotten wired headphones but these are amazing, they connect easily to my devices and so that's good.

the next day i spent a quiet morning at home and then went to get korean food. it was sooooo good, i love this local place and have been going since before the pandemic. after lunch i went to pick up my cake from another restaurant, strawberries and cream, so good too. I like this cake because it's super delish, not too sweet and also very fluffy and at a good price. we took a stroll trying to find "The vampire Lestat" but I couldn't and so I went to explore this new kpop place where I got the BTTF album (i got mark and jisung pocas) and five photocards as well. I got a 2baddies jaehyun and so that was pretty fun.

on the seventh i went to get brunch at this new place. it was a hotel restaurant but it had all i wanted. cozy, nice food and small. i love that there wasn't too many people and i really enjoyed our time there. when i made the reservation i noted it was a bday celebration and so they gave me a chocolate cake which was soooo good! I don't normally chose choco for cakes but this one had a hint of liquor and it was moist, had berries... so good. i had brought a piece of cake to eat together but in the end we didn't. we walked around and *drum rolls* I got my Lestat book!!! I could only find it in a huge 3 in 1 kinda thing so i have the first three books and that's a steal for the price. we walked around and fled when it started raining. Overall i had an amazing bday weekend.

monday i took some calls and rested. tuesday was full of meetings and today i had two big meetings. it's still crazy to me that i'm now in charge of those partnerships things and it's super nerve wracking but it went well, I think.

I still have some cake leftovers and i've been drinking mugicha. i got new crocs 😮‍💨 and tomorrow i should check some stuff online for improving our space. the bathroom doors are driving me insane, under the sink too, my own clothes... so little by little should make some improvements.

[cvlicodiary]

not much happened today but it was a good day.

i woke up way too early, before even 6am, but i didn't want to sleep again because i tried to make use of the time off before work. i ended up watching videos until 8:30 after feeding my baby. and after a while i got up, made coffee and some oatmeal with yoghurt. i did some journaling in the morning, which is new because i usually do at night but it was nice. later i went out to buy brunch and walked a little which was nice.

i don't remember if i said this yesterday but i'm giving myself this week of grace. the last month was absolutely tiring and i dont want to go all out immediately, i want to ease into it and relax a little bit as well. i had decided this early on so i took four days off work (almost because i have a meeting) but the weekend is fully off as it's my birthday!!

i'm super excited!! a few weeks back, with all the chaos, i didn't know if i'd enjoy it but i'm really happy about it. i made breakkie, lunch and cake plans, then also plans with the family and i just think it's going to be a great weekend.

i'm still making changes little by little, i want to commit to weight training and getting my hydration up. i think now that the social media distraction will be less i think i will have more time to focus on that.

i'm also happy about going more analog. i don't know how much but i'm really happy to be more present. i have a commonplace journal but it's hard bringing around all the time which is why i'm also considering doing it here or maybe in notion. the thing with notion is that i love planning and designing the layout but then it's overwhelming to use.

anyway, it was a really good day and i feel content.

see you!

[cvlicodiary]

day one

gonna get back into this place. i feel i have a lot to say and get out of my head and this site was my hideout since my teenage years yet life and the rush of it all has been keeping me away from the things i enjoy.

i started this year wanting to go analog, i think many of us did, and i don't see social media as bad... well it has been the place i used to seek refugee in when i was that little emo teen, but i can acknowledge that it has become a mind-numbing habit when the stress of work and adult worries overwhelm me (yet watching it also gets me on edge) and I want to be more present, enjoy life and do mundane things. i think the pandemic made a lot of us go into this loop of short form content that gives dopamine or something and then we can't stop clicking the app open for more and more and more.

that said, i'm planning on deleting some apps, at least for a while. i have noticed my heartbeat is fast even at rest and anxiety was a year long thing in 2024, then 2025 was the year i took therapy and now i'm noticing these things, maybe because i'm less into this loop. six months into the new year but hey, i was so busy with a new role at work, celebrations, work events and processing health changes.

i have always wanted to make content though. i remember watching vloggers like FunForLouis and Zoella... the whole crew, and wanting to do the same. I know time has changed but at this age, and three days away from my birthday, i'm having these "epiphanies" that I can do things for me, no matter who watches or not, not caring about likes or shares, just leaving memories of my mundane life and having a visual record of how i'm enjoying being alive.

so i guess today, june 3rd, marks the day i delete some sns, tumblr becomes my diary and i finally put to use this dji cam I got a few years back.

[ddestroyangels]

Flowers in a Glass Vase by Jacob van Walscapelle, detail, circa 1670

National Gallery, London

[midnightinshadow]