[fakehistory]

John Chau, Missionary of Christ Arrives on Sentinel Island (2018)

[pocblog]

[stream]

Patriot Act with Hasan Minhaj | Episode 4: Oil

[unetrangerquidort-deactivated20]

People who use the word “literally“ for something that can’t be literal is the reason I want man kind to be extinct.

[wroxall]

nothings real dude not even grammer we made it up man go outside

[bob-belcher]

[bob-belcher]

I loved her.

[mariogolf-deactivated20160726]

slowly approaching bear

[zaof-deactivated20140807]

the bears will be in eventually

[ww-swagabond]

Bear will arrive sooner than thought.

[gravegospel]

BEAR IS APPROACHING AT ALARMING SPEEDS

BEAR IS GO FAST LOSING TRACK OF BEAR

BEAR HAS REACHED MACH ONE

WE HAVE LOST VISUAL ON BEAR

[australian-frog-cakes-deactivat]

He nyooms

[wistful-pigeon]

[catchymemes]

Astronaut tweets

[knifefightscene]

y’all: here’s some alternatives to tumblr in case the site get merked on dec 17th

me:

[alongfalltothetop-deactivated20]

Oh I’m an asshole.

So today pulling into Stop and Shop, this lady cut me off and nearly drove into me, and then, when I tried to pass her, she swung to the right and nearly hit me again, and then flipped me off.

So somebody is having a bad day and taking it out on me. That’s fine. It’s harmless, and I don’t know what’s going on in this woman’s life. I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt she’s not just a piece of shit and is just having a bad day.

But then I park and she follows me, and gets out of the car and starts swearing at me and getting in my face.

Now I go from “indifferent” to “I’m gonna fuck with this woman’s head.” Now I would say I’m a gentleman of size, and in all black and bemohawked I probably look spookier than I actually am, so props to this lady for getting in my face. Now of course I’m not going to hit her, or even threaten violence. That’s shitty. Nobody should get threatened with violence.

Instead, I take a step back, narrowing my eyes like I’m studying her face really closely, and then I touch one of the several piece of “occulty” jewelry I’m wearing (none of which, by the way, are magicked in any way at all). Then I mumble some nonsense under my breath, and then make the fig gesture and the horns at her.

She stops, wide-eyed.

“WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST DO TO ME?”

I chuckled, and shake my head. “Nothing at all.” I say in a not-terrible convincing voice. “But every time something bad happens to you today, you’re gonna be thinking of me.”

Then I winked at her, and walked away.

[curiowitch]

[dankmemeuniversity]

[neverthere12345]

Racist man throws punches at FedEx driver, driver punches back Kills him in One Punch. | That's Tea

A racist man who was throwing racial slurs and punches at a FedEx Driver, died in one punch after getting punched back. Timothy Warren was d

A white man was throwing racial slurs at a Black FedEx Driver. He started Punching the driver, the FedEx driver punched him back one time, killing the man with One Punch.

[virtua92]

[miiriya]

[faggot-heathen]

https://www.washingtonpost.com/amphtml/nation/2018/11/21/man-hurled-racist-slurs-punch-fedex-driver-then-died-after-he-was-punched-back/

He wont be indicted for the racist scumbags death either! Win!

[lj-writes]

Magnuson’s death from the fall was precipitated by “extremely poor health,” a medical examiner concluded, and the punch itself was not fatal, Senior Deputy District Attorney Adam Gibbs wrote.

Warren was within his legal right to challenge Magnuson’s “racist vitriol,” Gibbs noted, and said that Warren’s decision to confront Magnuson — rather than ignore him — was not legally significant.

Please keep up this energy of racists dropping dead on my dash.

[bobertlutece]

this whole thing is way too good to be giffed you need to expirience it 

[lizatonix]

There are so many things that are TOP quality about this. The business with the mic rope. The bounding across the stage like an excited puppy or a newsie. The Voice™️ that is so synonymous with John, you know, the voice of a guy who sells ice cream at the soda fountain in the 50’s. The analogy itself.

It’s all so beautiful, such peak humor and content.

[mulaneysbutt]

Emmy Award Winning™️

[pharaohamunsadji]

I FOUND IT AGAIN.

[pomrania]

Here’s the “horse loose in a hospital” bit. Good news, it has closed captioning.

[teathattast]

[dankmemeuniversity]

[bananaquilava]

Guys I found the pattern.

[lotusmesenpai]

[probioticmilk-remade-deactivate]

[legalizevore]

my dad guillermo laying it out

[terror-billie]

His table is piled high with food he will never touch but he will kill you for taking the smallest morsel, even if you are starving

shit how did I completely miss the point of this part

[martunamajor]

Also, his eyes aren’t in his head. They’re in his hands. He only sees what he reaches for, what he desires, what he wants.

[shorts-muchacho-papi]

[the-real-ted-cruz]

what level of woke

[priestessamy]

Guillermo del Toro is a fucking artist and he knows what he’s doing. I love that man