[ Okay so maybe he was wrong for the misjudgment. It happens, he’s not an overly careful fellow, but the opportunity baited itself anew for him to snag the reeling hook in for the catch. it was a definite outcome in terms of his overbearing & wearily thin peeled paranoia scuttling amongst him.
But what is he supposed to say? Yes I’ll come with you? Yes I’ll believe you? Yes I’ll stick my ass around with a man who actively hates my guts and wants me dead for a thing I couldn’t have or didn’t have control over? It’s just not realistic, at least to Tim. & it doesn’t make any sense for them to just let that all fly behind them now for the sake of some protection. He already has a little bit of that doesn’t he?
( What was her name again? Amy?? Yeah. her.)
He tries not to press too far into the matter (because the thought makes his stomach tighten up like a unsettled rock in his chest, & the feelings a lot like bile catching up in his throat so.. he thinks it’s better to just focus on the topic at hand and not let himself regress back to that awful awful memory pulling him backwards just as the thought crosses him-.)
❝I don’t want a whole story made up for me. You don’t have to do that. But I what I do want is a little reassurance here and there on some things that need to be cleared up before I can even think about going on further. ❞
[ No he knows he can’t stay here by himself, he was told this by Lex when they had that long half hour lecture about the policies kept in place to keep outsiders like him in good form. He knows what he’s doing now is essentially breaking the law– but do any of the others know this? Of course not. Because Tim isn’t a dumb enough to show his face around here anyways. He’s always been a good hider. If the years back then have taught him anything, it’s that- if you didn’t want people to find you, you don’t post about it. Simple easy thoughtless conscious. He never really had much trouble abiding to that. ]
❝It’s not that I’m discrediting your reasoning for coming here. Its just…I find it a little hard to believe that out of the people lex could have sent to relay this message to me–it’s you. & I know the guy is busy and the other guy isn’t always gonna be around, I get it really I do. But it’s just so surreal to me given our history in the past to find someone I don’t even consider an acquaintance worrying about what’s going on with me. ❞
Does this guy even hear himself? Where in anything that he had said was there any kind of lie? Was the truth really that transparent that he could just seep through it? It makes him clamp up, and open his mouth to gape for a word to express. Something like anger--maybe an accusation, but then it would seem like he was really trying to make it sound like the truth. Which is something he doesn’t wanna do.
He gets up--well, sits up from his spot on the springy cheap motel bed, his hands finding a spot by his legs as they grasp for a tool or a piece of fabric to hold on to. Anything. He’ll take anything just to hold himself back--
❝I sit here and give you everything that you wanted-everything that you wanted to hear. I haven’t claim to a lie in anything I’ve said, haven’t attacked you, haven’t done nothing of any sort that would discredit me in any way... and yet you still think I’m lying? ❞
It’s laughable, maybe even more so than he thinks. He kinda wants to, just to visualize to them how absurd the allegation was.
❝Look Tim, I’m gonna be straight with you. In the most easiest way I can. You need to listen up because I’m only saying this once and then that’s it.
I’m not doing this for some kind of forgiveness. I’m not doing this because I feel like I owe something to someone here or to anybody really. I’m not doing this because of “history” that needs to be cleared of a blank state or of some kind of guilty conscious telling me to shape up and be better. That’s not what this is. If you want the truth you’re gonna get it, But it might not be what you want it to be. Accept that. ❞
His eyes glare up towards them, centered and focused violet pinning the other in a lockdown they can’t escape from. His mouth a curt flat line as he holds his breath in for the rest. The opens up again with a sigh.
❝ I ain’t doing this for your friendship or your whatever the hell it is you think I want.. But for your own protection. I’m doing this for your benefit, even if you don’t think you need it from me. And I’m not gonna let this slip by because you wanna be stuck in here ignorant and unable to understand what kind of trouble you could get your ass into. And that’s your truth. You understand? ❞
blakekathryn
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